The Daily Prophet, 1 June, 2000
The Daily Prophet
Thursday, 1 June, 2000
MINISTRY RECONSTRUCTIONS SLOWED BY A TECHNICALITY
As expected, the reconstruction of the Ministry of Magic is proceeding at a less than stellar pace. This time, the slowdown was created by a typo in the contract between Ministry officials and the loan officers at Gringotts Wizarding Bank.
The contract was intended to outline the terms of the loan of capital to the Ministry to pay for the reconstruction, with a repayment term of thirty years. Unfortunately, the contract was typed up stating a repayment term of thorty years. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Goblin language, thorty means seven in Gobbledegook.
When asked for commentary, Senior Undersecretary Percy Weasley stated that the mistake is in the process of being cleared up. From Mr. Weasley's muffled mutterings, this reporter can only presume the Junior Undersecretary who typed up the contract may soon be looking for new employment.
And now for an excerpt from this week's Witch Weekly...
What to Do When the Bloke You Fancied Fancies Blokes
My dear readers, my deepest and most sincere sympathies should you find yourself in such a dreadfully embarrassing situation. Though you may be wondering what it is about you that’s caused the change (perhaps your hands have always been particularly mannish) or how you could have possibly missed all the signs (and here you genuinely thought he was just trying on those women’s dress robes at the shop because he wanted to see what size would fit his sister best), rest assured… it is not your fault. And besides, it isn’t so bad. Having friends of the homosexual persuasion is quite fashionable these days.
To be honest, it’s hard to blame them. Men are fit. They have low voices and manly muscles and such. Really, if you were a man, wouldn’t you like men, too? Chances are that it had nothing to do with you in the slightest. Unless you’re a real minger, in which case I make no guarantees.
Someone wise once said, “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.” And if you’re both looking at that dishy bloke in the tight jeans, then I suppose you’re off to a good start.
With love,
Pansy P.
Potterwatch
Sylvia Sommerstein of Rotherdam, South Yorkshire states that Harry Potter was seen tiptoeing through her prize tulips, eventually choosing one supposedly intended for his beloved - the identity of whom is still a matter of speculation, with witches and wizards torn between the choices of long-term girlfriend Ginny Weasley, and war-time comrade Michael Corner. An unnamed healer trainee was overheard stating that anyone daft enough to believe that the Man-Who-Lived was shagging Mister Corner deserved to be hexed on sight, and that he would be more than happy to be doing the hexing. The Prophet does not condone such violent behaviour, however we do consider it an excellent example of how such matters have polarized our community.
Weather
Summer is coming, people! Put away those macs and bring out the short trousers, the sun shall be out for all!
Thursday, 1 June, 2000
MINISTRY RECONSTRUCTIONS SLOWED BY A TECHNICALITY
As expected, the reconstruction of the Ministry of Magic is proceeding at a less than stellar pace. This time, the slowdown was created by a typo in the contract between Ministry officials and the loan officers at Gringotts Wizarding Bank.
The contract was intended to outline the terms of the loan of capital to the Ministry to pay for the reconstruction, with a repayment term of thirty years. Unfortunately, the contract was typed up stating a repayment term of thorty years. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Goblin language, thorty means seven in Gobbledegook.
When asked for commentary, Senior Undersecretary Percy Weasley stated that the mistake is in the process of being cleared up. From Mr. Weasley's muffled mutterings, this reporter can only presume the Junior Undersecretary who typed up the contract may soon be looking for new employment.
And now for an excerpt from this week's Witch Weekly...
What to Do When the Bloke You Fancied Fancies Blokes
My dear readers, my deepest and most sincere sympathies should you find yourself in such a dreadfully embarrassing situation. Though you may be wondering what it is about you that’s caused the change (perhaps your hands have always been particularly mannish) or how you could have possibly missed all the signs (and here you genuinely thought he was just trying on those women’s dress robes at the shop because he wanted to see what size would fit his sister best), rest assured… it is not your fault. And besides, it isn’t so bad. Having friends of the homosexual persuasion is quite fashionable these days.
To be honest, it’s hard to blame them. Men are fit. They have low voices and manly muscles and such. Really, if you were a man, wouldn’t you like men, too? Chances are that it had nothing to do with you in the slightest. Unless you’re a real minger, in which case I make no guarantees.
Someone wise once said, “Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but in looking together in the same direction.” And if you’re both looking at that dishy bloke in the tight jeans, then I suppose you’re off to a good start.
With love,
Pansy P.
Potterwatch
Sylvia Sommerstein of Rotherdam, South Yorkshire states that Harry Potter was seen tiptoeing through her prize tulips, eventually choosing one supposedly intended for his beloved - the identity of whom is still a matter of speculation, with witches and wizards torn between the choices of long-term girlfriend Ginny Weasley, and war-time comrade Michael Corner. An unnamed healer trainee was overheard stating that anyone daft enough to believe that the Man-Who-Lived was shagging Mister Corner deserved to be hexed on sight, and that he would be more than happy to be doing the hexing. The Prophet does not condone such violent behaviour, however we do consider it an excellent example of how such matters have polarized our community.
Weather
Summer is coming, people! Put away those macs and bring out the short trousers, the sun shall be out for all!