So this is May
May has been an interesting month for me it started really well the sun was out I read an entire book in less than 2 weeks (excellent compared to my start and never finish base rate) I saw Star Trek into the Darkness which was amazing, brought a couple of new dresses and a nice pair of wedges. I made icons. Life felt pretty good despite the lack of job interviews. I even decided to try and step up a level a work, be more sportive to the supervisors .
Then I hit a rough patch. and the last week and a half have not been great, productivity has completely stalled. A couple of comments at work that should have been brushed off easily set me in a downward spiral. I realised my fist NVQ assignment was due in a week and I'd not started. The sun looks like its given up the ghost.
The bad news is i got an extension on my NVQ and i just can't bring myself to work on it. I'm going to have to drop out. For 3 days i've sat here and contemplated it, typed a few words panicked and gave up completely. Told myself tomorrow is the day i'll get loads done but each day its been give up mostly before starting read fan fiction and feel bad about not working on the NVQ. I should have given up in style and gone to London to take pictures at least I'd have done something, and i'd have been happy.
I briefly thought about going to see my GP mentioning that I'm depressed but really apart from these last 10ish days i've been doing better than ever and I've struggled on my own for the best part of a decade now. Can you imagine that conversation:
GP: How long have you been feeling this way?
Me: 9 years.
But honestly between taking up photography and taking steps to get me out of my current job. I'm doing well. Hell this time last year even looking at a job listing set me panicking, crying and then making friends with the vodka bottle because what was the point? There was nothing I could do. I'd fail and fall apart in any job. I was unemployable. I don't think like that now. I've applied for 13 jobs tonight and although I might get 13 knock backs I might not. I can do these jobs. I do have skills. I don't cry so much. I just can't do this dam NVQ though! I've now just 4 days 3 of which I'm working 9hrs and right now I'm typing up this post to avoid doing it.
Then I hit a rough patch. and the last week and a half have not been great, productivity has completely stalled. A couple of comments at work that should have been brushed off easily set me in a downward spiral. I realised my fist NVQ assignment was due in a week and I'd not started. The sun looks like its given up the ghost.
The bad news is i got an extension on my NVQ and i just can't bring myself to work on it. I'm going to have to drop out. For 3 days i've sat here and contemplated it, typed a few words panicked and gave up completely. Told myself tomorrow is the day i'll get loads done but each day its been give up mostly before starting read fan fiction and feel bad about not working on the NVQ. I should have given up in style and gone to London to take pictures at least I'd have done something, and i'd have been happy.
I briefly thought about going to see my GP mentioning that I'm depressed but really apart from these last 10ish days i've been doing better than ever and I've struggled on my own for the best part of a decade now. Can you imagine that conversation:
GP: How long have you been feeling this way?
Me: 9 years.
But honestly between taking up photography and taking steps to get me out of my current job. I'm doing well. Hell this time last year even looking at a job listing set me panicking, crying and then making friends with the vodka bottle because what was the point? There was nothing I could do. I'd fail and fall apart in any job. I was unemployable. I don't think like that now. I've applied for 13 jobs tonight and although I might get 13 knock backs I might not. I can do these jobs. I do have skills. I don't cry so much. I just can't do this dam NVQ though! I've now just 4 days 3 of which I'm working 9hrs and right now I'm typing up this post to avoid doing it.