(no subject)
I'm finally back at home, and I'm all hooked up to the 'net for the weekend. My car's almost finished (yay--no new paint job, but still...) and I am EXHAUSTED. I've got a buttload of stuff to take back with me. Fun fun fun. And I'm bored. I watched Princess Diaries 2 after I got here...um, don't ask how I have it. Though if you want lessons on how to download movies on mIRC, email me and I'll tell you. Quite simple, very fun. I'm debating whether ornot to take my keyboard with me so I can practice for piano class, which I kind of suck at. I miss everybody @ school now. All the band people, all my friends...seriously, I thought I'd never have friends when I got to college. I thought nobody but Noodle would speak to me. Band camp gave me a tiny sliver of hope, but I figured I'd only be talking to band geeks while at FSU. See, I don't think I'm worth anyone's time. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, too shy...not worth anybody's time. And I have these people who actually WANT to hang around me, and it's amazing. I know I've got friends here in Visalia, but I still kind of feel like the outcast sometimes, even with them. People make me out to be some sort of freak a lot of the time. Sure, I'm a hardcore band geek, but I can't really help it. I eat, sleep, and breathe music. It's in my veins, it's in my soul. I can't stop it. So that's one thing. I'm also really shy, and it can take a lot to get me to open up. Sure, I may seem slightly outgoing sometimes, but it's forced. I try not to let too much out, ya know? And I'm afraid of feeling like an idiot if I do something stupid. I keep wanting to introduce myself to people, to talk to them, but I don't because all I think is "What if this happens? What if that happens? They'll think I'm a freak then." So I don't. I also feel weird, especially in a group, when people swear. It's not something I like to hear, and I understand why people would do such a thing, but I've never done it and don't plan on doing so ever. Nor do I plan on contaminating my body with alcohol or tobacco in my lifetime. And that brings me to a question: I've been debating for the past month or so on the idea of becoming a vegetarian. Sorry to say, it was the "We are not nuggets!" ad in one of my magazines (the one with the baby chick on it, looking all cute and everything) that got me to thinking. I know I can do it; I decided to try it out from then until I moved to see how I liked it. Now that I've moved, it's been like I have an "I don't care" attitude. I need to care. I felt so good this summer because I worked out more and ate less and dropped 31 lbs since the beginning of May. I was really proud, but now I've fallen back into old habits again. And I figure going veg may remind me to watch what I'm doing, and I don't want that little chick in the ad to die, because it is not a nugget! It made me sad. So yeah, that's my mini rant for the day. I'm not worth anybody's time, so if you read this...thanks. That really makes my day a whole lot better. :D