Sacrifice is life by the code
I just realized how worthless I reall am in my family, this "love" and compassion that is felt towards me is nothing but an illusion. No one cared that I was sick, Once again I was tossed into the shadowed corner. It all happened so fast, I didn't realize it until it hit me.
My first exam went well, but doing it left me utterly exhausted, I found myself extremly weak amd could hardly stand. I was slightly confused, and thought that sleep would help in this case of exhaustion. After several rude awakenings, I resorted to my room and finally managed to sleep for several hours. I woke up, very nausated. This time, I knew something was wrong. I asked my mom, who said I had just a stimple case of the flu and to leave her be, and to buck up. I had no choice. I had to.
I live by that code, the code forced upon me since I was young. Because I was the oldest, I was given the responsibility. To my mother and father's eyes, I was weak, helpless, and unworthy. They continously tell me that I must "Buck up", be stronger and not complain. If I complained of the sickness that wracked my body, the pain that shot though my arms, or the headaches that seared my mind into pieces, I would only be shunned, disciplined, and hit. Even to this day, as I sit here typing this in a sickening dissiness, I can't help but feel the hatred that I have towards my parents.
I was sick yes, but I was also afraid. I had never felt such an intensifying pain run through me, hot and cold flashes, unbearable headaches, and vomiting that wouldn't cease. I lay awake far after my mother bitched at me about asking for something to eat, starving and hating. The night passed and I woke unable to stand. As of this moment, I type this with tears and a rolling sleepiness that begs me to give in. I can't complain. I am a sacrifice, the sacrifice is honor, when you live by the code.
My first exam went well, but doing it left me utterly exhausted, I found myself extremly weak amd could hardly stand. I was slightly confused, and thought that sleep would help in this case of exhaustion. After several rude awakenings, I resorted to my room and finally managed to sleep for several hours. I woke up, very nausated. This time, I knew something was wrong. I asked my mom, who said I had just a stimple case of the flu and to leave her be, and to buck up. I had no choice. I had to.
I live by that code, the code forced upon me since I was young. Because I was the oldest, I was given the responsibility. To my mother and father's eyes, I was weak, helpless, and unworthy. They continously tell me that I must "Buck up", be stronger and not complain. If I complained of the sickness that wracked my body, the pain that shot though my arms, or the headaches that seared my mind into pieces, I would only be shunned, disciplined, and hit. Even to this day, as I sit here typing this in a sickening dissiness, I can't help but feel the hatred that I have towards my parents.
I was sick yes, but I was also afraid. I had never felt such an intensifying pain run through me, hot and cold flashes, unbearable headaches, and vomiting that wouldn't cease. I lay awake far after my mother bitched at me about asking for something to eat, starving and hating. The night passed and I woke unable to stand. As of this moment, I type this with tears and a rolling sleepiness that begs me to give in. I can't complain. I am a sacrifice, the sacrifice is honor, when you live by the code.