im on a never ending quest to save myself
another belated entry appologies to my friends. well what has been going on as of late... i have a comuter yes... brand new laptop, pretty cool, eh? and well lets see, stil having personal issues but its ok... i think im starting to get a bad case of 'i wonder what if i did this better or what if i didnt do this...' or would the better terminology be, 'woulda coulda shoulda syndrome'? i dunno ive been investigating myself too much thinking that well starting with high school y'know thinking well i obviously did so well cuz i cared, so why couldnt i do that well in college when i went? was it that i stopped caring? come on my parents were gonna pay my tuition and i fucked it all up by joining the military for a short time... i should have sucked it up for another year and been done the right way, and maybe i would be in college like a normal 20 year old.
and relationships... dunno i seem to fuck up all the decent ones... like with brian... it was decent... kinda strange high school one then with Eric... well i dont even know if i should call that a relationshp. hahaha... but yknow when i left high school i found out that a couple guys that i liked like that also liked me like that... DAMN! why have i been thinking about that... i mean its not like its that important. maybe it is thats why im obviously writting about it... another relationship thats fucked is my current one... the one with jake... man i really should have been more forward to soe people with it, i shouldnt have gotten married in the first place... it was a stupid move... i should have at least waited about hmmmm maybe 20 more months at least and not no 2 months of knowing him i just was blind to the reality that i needed more time... and my parents wasted all that college money on me doing what i did and no i feel like a total loser if it doesnt work out. pretty pathetic.
i need a drink... i dunno im happy on the outside but for some reason i not happy inside, i want to be i really do but theres something preventing me from doing so. what is it? well gee if i knew i would have done it already... i feel unfulfilled, and starting to feel uneducated, i actually enjoyed learning now my only way of learning is by watching tv... sad really and im gonna start writting stories again hopefully maybe i can finish my Ginga Weed story, and maybe start another one but i lack the inspiration... maybe... i dunno... im just rambling on n on. well oh i didnt mention my current life.
about that i got a new better paying job. things have been getting better since the drama has left the building, but damn i think i have too many personal issues, see i made a bed, and im lying in it and im all alone in this bed... i just wanna talk to someone about it but i fear they would think different of me, so im not going too... i think it will all just get better eventually... well yeah i gotta get goin soon... but uhm yeah, i will be more sure to not let my fans down and continue to write. here probably more here than in myspace. anyway... i only have AIM for now... you can reach me at Headfirst4ahalo. so yeah well im gonna go well take care bye bye.
oh and also the cookie needs a drink and nooo its not milk i want hahaha
and relationships... dunno i seem to fuck up all the decent ones... like with brian... it was decent... kinda strange high school one then with Eric... well i dont even know if i should call that a relationshp. hahaha... but yknow when i left high school i found out that a couple guys that i liked like that also liked me like that... DAMN! why have i been thinking about that... i mean its not like its that important. maybe it is thats why im obviously writting about it... another relationship thats fucked is my current one... the one with jake... man i really should have been more forward to soe people with it, i shouldnt have gotten married in the first place... it was a stupid move... i should have at least waited about hmmmm maybe 20 more months at least and not no 2 months of knowing him i just was blind to the reality that i needed more time... and my parents wasted all that college money on me doing what i did and no i feel like a total loser if it doesnt work out. pretty pathetic.
i need a drink... i dunno im happy on the outside but for some reason i not happy inside, i want to be i really do but theres something preventing me from doing so. what is it? well gee if i knew i would have done it already... i feel unfulfilled, and starting to feel uneducated, i actually enjoyed learning now my only way of learning is by watching tv... sad really and im gonna start writting stories again hopefully maybe i can finish my Ginga Weed story, and maybe start another one but i lack the inspiration... maybe... i dunno... im just rambling on n on. well oh i didnt mention my current life.
about that i got a new better paying job. things have been getting better since the drama has left the building, but damn i think i have too many personal issues, see i made a bed, and im lying in it and im all alone in this bed... i just wanna talk to someone about it but i fear they would think different of me, so im not going too... i think it will all just get better eventually... well yeah i gotta get goin soon... but uhm yeah, i will be more sure to not let my fans down and continue to write. here probably more here than in myspace. anyway... i only have AIM for now... you can reach me at Headfirst4ahalo. so yeah well im gonna go well take care bye bye.
oh and also the cookie needs a drink and nooo its not milk i want hahaha