(no subject)
Well uh so far ive survived these couple days well 6 days to be exact i think im doing ok... oh no im not... i miss him so much its like a peice of my heart was taken away, and its depressing me, not in a good way but in a bad way, well being depressed for me is one thing but without my Jacob, its like my therapist means nothing well, anyway i got a kitten, hes black and poofy... hes so adorable and his name is Bacardi.
I got the job at the school, and i start monday. im happy cuz it gives me something to do. damn this job if i didnt get it my parents would have allowed me to go back to Cali. but this is a test... a test put together by fate himself a test of our loyalty to each other... and to think Jake is scared i'll cheat on him:
1. i dont have the will to cheat on him
2. i dont even want to
3. i couldnt stand myself if i did
4. i love him too much to hurt him like that
5. I'm scared if i do that i would lose him
Theres more but they're a bit complex to explain. he called me a couple days ago and we talked till he ran out of minutes and then he tried later and then the line cut out while i was telling him i forgave him, even though i was never mad at him in the first place, just an akward moment and the next time he called i missed the call all because i was getting my picture taken to surprise him i dont know how many times he called but i only got one voice mail of his and i cried so hard because he sounded so sad, damn i miss him. way more now than i did yesterday. damn i wish i 21 already... im getting sick of being in my tweens its not id go to bars, its just i would buy a butt load of alcohol and drink it to pretend everythings ok. then id take a sleeping pill to the point where i pass out and before i do i call the cops and pretend to be neighbor and when they come over im passed out so bad they gotta send me to the hospital than i go to mantal hospital for depression and yeah... but all i know is that i love him and this is gonna be harder for me to handle emotionally, and the only physical thing im gonna miss about it is the way he hugs me and the way he kisses me and the way he touches me and fixes my hair the way he cuddles against me and tell me he loves me. well i gotta jet i have to be up and ready for a second meeting with the school principal, later.
~And the cookie cries herself to sleep~
I got the job at the school, and i start monday. im happy cuz it gives me something to do. damn this job if i didnt get it my parents would have allowed me to go back to Cali. but this is a test... a test put together by fate himself a test of our loyalty to each other... and to think Jake is scared i'll cheat on him:
1. i dont have the will to cheat on him
2. i dont even want to
3. i couldnt stand myself if i did
4. i love him too much to hurt him like that
5. I'm scared if i do that i would lose him
Theres more but they're a bit complex to explain. he called me a couple days ago and we talked till he ran out of minutes and then he tried later and then the line cut out while i was telling him i forgave him, even though i was never mad at him in the first place, just an akward moment and the next time he called i missed the call all because i was getting my picture taken to surprise him i dont know how many times he called but i only got one voice mail of his and i cried so hard because he sounded so sad, damn i miss him. way more now than i did yesterday. damn i wish i 21 already... im getting sick of being in my tweens its not id go to bars, its just i would buy a butt load of alcohol and drink it to pretend everythings ok. then id take a sleeping pill to the point where i pass out and before i do i call the cops and pretend to be neighbor and when they come over im passed out so bad they gotta send me to the hospital than i go to mantal hospital for depression and yeah... but all i know is that i love him and this is gonna be harder for me to handle emotionally, and the only physical thing im gonna miss about it is the way he hugs me and the way he kisses me and the way he touches me and fixes my hair the way he cuddles against me and tell me he loves me. well i gotta jet i have to be up and ready for a second meeting with the school principal, later.
~And the cookie cries herself to sleep~