A very sad day
On this day, my little girl puppy - Ayla - passed away. She had a tumor on the side of her rib cage that grew aggressively over the past few months. The vets had done a few tests at the onset of the issue and determined that it was just a fatty lump. Then the lump grew and moved to a second spot nearby. I took her back in and they told me it might be cancer. We had a biopsy done and they again found only fat cells. The vet said that we need not operate as it is fairly common.
Over the next couple months, the mass grew in size and then firmed up. I took her back into the vet again and this time they ran some more detailed tests. X-rays, MRI, further blood and cell analysis... Nothing conclusive. The scans showed that the lump had actually 'dissolved' two of her ribs, which had been causing her discomfort. They also said that her lymph nodes were enlarged. That, paired with the aggressive growth, led them to believe that the lump was cancerous.
I spent the next two weeks agonizing over the decision - to operate or not to operate, to do radiation treatment, to do chemotherapy. I spoke with the surgeon, the radiologist, the oncologist... They couldn't really do the chemotherapy properly since they didn't know what kind of cancer we were seeing. The radiation would only shrink the tumor, but wouldn't really take care of the issue. It would be just as expensive as the surgery but wouldn't permanently take care of the situation. The surgery was somewhat risky, but if they could remove the lump she stood a decent chance of spending another year with us. I was leaning towards doing the surgery.
They did a cat-scan before taking her in for surgery, during which they discovered a lump in each lung and more prominent swelling of the lymph nodes. I told them not to go through with the surgery. I figured that if she had more than one tumor, she would have another lump and another lump and another lump. The surgery was going to involve a massive repair of the chest wall, which would have required a minimum of 4 days stay at the vet plus a lengthy rehabilitation.
With that, we started giving Ayla anti-inflammatory medicine and anti-pain medicine. Our goal was to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as possible. This all took place the week before Christmas week. So at the time, we were trying to decide whether to plan for travel to Pennsylvania or not. Once the decision was made, I concentrated on letting my girl know how much I loved her.
She wasn't eating very well, so we mixed in canned food with the regular kibble. She perked up a bit and ate a lot of that. She made it a few weeks like this. I spent lots of time snuggling with her and petting her. Then around January 10th we had a home improvement project here at the house. My fiance's mom and dad came down so he could help me with tiling a bathroom. I think the excitement might have been a little too much for Ayla. Also, I was not feeling very good at all, coming down with a sinus infection. I went out to the urgent care physician to get checked out. While I was gone, Ayla had found a spot on the floor and laid there, not moving. Amy called and wanted to know when I would be home because she was very concerned. When I got there, Ayla just laid still. I lay next to her and pet her for a while. Eventually she'd move around a little bit, but she wouldn't eat. I pulled the sofa-bed mattress out of its frame and laid it on the floor. That night I slept on the family room floor with her so that she wouldn't have to go up and down the steps.
I wasn't sure she would make it through the night, and I was pretty sure she wouldn't make it through Sunday. But she made it. She started moving a bit more and even started eating the next day. I spoke to the vet that Monday and she advised me to try giving Ayla canned chicken along with any other 'stinky' food. That would catch her interest.
She gobbled down the canned chicken and regained a good bit of strength. By Wednesday it seemed maybe it was just a temporary issue. The vet explained that sometimes a tumor will break into a new blood vessel, causing internal bleeding. The dog will become very weak for a couple days, but their systems are capable of absorbing the blood through the digestive tract and stopping the bleeding. They can then recuperate for a while.
It looked like that was the case for Ayla until the next weekend. We, again, had the company of my fiance's mom and dad for the home improvement project. Ayla again became over-excited and weak. But Sunday night she started to perk up. Then Tuesday night, we had company again. My fiance's mom and dad returned to watch the inauguration. Ayla had a good evening, checking out what everybody was doing, enjoying the company. But that night when we went to bed, she lay on the cushion breathing with some difficulty.
In the morning, she only moved to sit on the rug near the foot of the bed, still having trouble with her breathing. I brought her some canned chicken up to the bedroom, but she didn't show any interest in eating it. I lay with her and pet her for a few minutes, but then I had to go to work. My fiance thought maybe we should block her downstairs in case she had an issue going out to the yard. But I told her I wanted Ayla to be able to lay where she was comfortable.
I left for the office, worried that she might not make it through the day. I thought about leaving work at lunchtime in order to check in on her, but I got busy at work and wasn't able to leave till 3:30. When I arrived at the house, I found Bubba and Asti in the downstairs living room by themselves. I set down some things and went up to the bedroom where I found my girl dog dead on the bed.
The process of taking my pet's body to the vet and cleaning up from her death was a difficult one. But at least it gave me something on which to concentrate.
I've known no loss like this one. In 33 years of living, I have known no sorrow so strong.
Over the next couple months, the mass grew in size and then firmed up. I took her back into the vet again and this time they ran some more detailed tests. X-rays, MRI, further blood and cell analysis... Nothing conclusive. The scans showed that the lump had actually 'dissolved' two of her ribs, which had been causing her discomfort. They also said that her lymph nodes were enlarged. That, paired with the aggressive growth, led them to believe that the lump was cancerous.
I spent the next two weeks agonizing over the decision - to operate or not to operate, to do radiation treatment, to do chemotherapy. I spoke with the surgeon, the radiologist, the oncologist... They couldn't really do the chemotherapy properly since they didn't know what kind of cancer we were seeing. The radiation would only shrink the tumor, but wouldn't really take care of the issue. It would be just as expensive as the surgery but wouldn't permanently take care of the situation. The surgery was somewhat risky, but if they could remove the lump she stood a decent chance of spending another year with us. I was leaning towards doing the surgery.
They did a cat-scan before taking her in for surgery, during which they discovered a lump in each lung and more prominent swelling of the lymph nodes. I told them not to go through with the surgery. I figured that if she had more than one tumor, she would have another lump and another lump and another lump. The surgery was going to involve a massive repair of the chest wall, which would have required a minimum of 4 days stay at the vet plus a lengthy rehabilitation.
With that, we started giving Ayla anti-inflammatory medicine and anti-pain medicine. Our goal was to make her as comfortable as possible for as long as possible. This all took place the week before Christmas week. So at the time, we were trying to decide whether to plan for travel to Pennsylvania or not. Once the decision was made, I concentrated on letting my girl know how much I loved her.
She wasn't eating very well, so we mixed in canned food with the regular kibble. She perked up a bit and ate a lot of that. She made it a few weeks like this. I spent lots of time snuggling with her and petting her. Then around January 10th we had a home improvement project here at the house. My fiance's mom and dad came down so he could help me with tiling a bathroom. I think the excitement might have been a little too much for Ayla. Also, I was not feeling very good at all, coming down with a sinus infection. I went out to the urgent care physician to get checked out. While I was gone, Ayla had found a spot on the floor and laid there, not moving. Amy called and wanted to know when I would be home because she was very concerned. When I got there, Ayla just laid still. I lay next to her and pet her for a while. Eventually she'd move around a little bit, but she wouldn't eat. I pulled the sofa-bed mattress out of its frame and laid it on the floor. That night I slept on the family room floor with her so that she wouldn't have to go up and down the steps.
I wasn't sure she would make it through the night, and I was pretty sure she wouldn't make it through Sunday. But she made it. She started moving a bit more and even started eating the next day. I spoke to the vet that Monday and she advised me to try giving Ayla canned chicken along with any other 'stinky' food. That would catch her interest.
She gobbled down the canned chicken and regained a good bit of strength. By Wednesday it seemed maybe it was just a temporary issue. The vet explained that sometimes a tumor will break into a new blood vessel, causing internal bleeding. The dog will become very weak for a couple days, but their systems are capable of absorbing the blood through the digestive tract and stopping the bleeding. They can then recuperate for a while.
It looked like that was the case for Ayla until the next weekend. We, again, had the company of my fiance's mom and dad for the home improvement project. Ayla again became over-excited and weak. But Sunday night she started to perk up. Then Tuesday night, we had company again. My fiance's mom and dad returned to watch the inauguration. Ayla had a good evening, checking out what everybody was doing, enjoying the company. But that night when we went to bed, she lay on the cushion breathing with some difficulty.
In the morning, she only moved to sit on the rug near the foot of the bed, still having trouble with her breathing. I brought her some canned chicken up to the bedroom, but she didn't show any interest in eating it. I lay with her and pet her for a few minutes, but then I had to go to work. My fiance thought maybe we should block her downstairs in case she had an issue going out to the yard. But I told her I wanted Ayla to be able to lay where she was comfortable.
I left for the office, worried that she might not make it through the day. I thought about leaving work at lunchtime in order to check in on her, but I got busy at work and wasn't able to leave till 3:30. When I arrived at the house, I found Bubba and Asti in the downstairs living room by themselves. I set down some things and went up to the bedroom where I found my girl dog dead on the bed.
The process of taking my pet's body to the vet and cleaning up from her death was a difficult one. But at least it gave me something on which to concentrate.
I've known no loss like this one. In 33 years of living, I have known no sorrow so strong.