(no subject)
no seriously, i know that's the name of an explosions in the sky album but there just happens to be no better way to describe how i feel right now, right at this exact moment. there are sooo many people who i wish i was sitting on a couch sipping coffee with or breaking into abandoned buildings with, so many lovers that i wish i was tangled up with and giggling and doing all those stupid cute things that each individual lover has been completely unique and beautiful with. even if we don't speak anymore or i don't really like them as people i can't deny that there weren't moments of security where i could have defeated any evil or couldn't smiled any wider. i miss my brother and i miss having something special that only me and my brother did. i miss my sisters and their children, i miss every child that i've ever spent a few minutes getting to know. children are amazing when you talk to them like adults, everything makes sense, everything is obvious, there is no reason to lie because they don't realize that this world is based on lies. some people never do. and even after we do figure it out, what now? most of all i really miss the idea that never really came true, the one where i was in love with every single person in my home, that home wasn't a house i shared my rent with but a huge loving family. i guess i fantasize a lot about a loving family and have high expectations when i've only glimpsed the real thing a handful of times and got way too excited.
i can't stand people who love being miserable. i can't stand people who know that they need to help themselves but they'd much rather hurt instead. i can't stand people who hurt others again and again and again and know that they're doing it but would rather keep it up because it gives them more security than admitting that their sociopathic tendencies come from a deep seeded problem that they need to solve. we're all as broken as we look.
or as good old defiance ohio says it: let's stop this talk of them because the things we find deplorable in politicians, ceos and cops are the same things that will tear ourselves apart. and let's stop this talk of words because words like dishonesty selfishness and greed aren't as distance to us as we'd like to believe... they say that the beauty's in the streets. but when i look around, it seems more like defeat. i'm afraid that this fight that we're all caught up in will make us the same as that which we oppose.
so... now what?
i can't stand people who love being miserable. i can't stand people who know that they need to help themselves but they'd much rather hurt instead. i can't stand people who hurt others again and again and again and know that they're doing it but would rather keep it up because it gives them more security than admitting that their sociopathic tendencies come from a deep seeded problem that they need to solve. we're all as broken as we look.
or as good old defiance ohio says it: let's stop this talk of them because the things we find deplorable in politicians, ceos and cops are the same things that will tear ourselves apart. and let's stop this talk of words because words like dishonesty selfishness and greed aren't as distance to us as we'd like to believe... they say that the beauty's in the streets. but when i look around, it seems more like defeat. i'm afraid that this fight that we're all caught up in will make us the same as that which we oppose.
so... now what?