towel wrapped confessions

Feb 02, 2008 11:58

 so i just got out of the shower, still wrapped in my towel but i felt the need to get this out.
there's something about showers that make more clarity. 
maybe its the steam or the scent of the shampoo or the cleansing of your body that makes one want to cleanse their mind..?
but anyway, while i was showering i had like a flashback of sorts to a time when i was a little girl in the bathtub. i would take the longest baths and my parents would get so mad.
but something about laying in the bathrub, water surronded all around me, ears underwater so the only sounds heard are the ones the water would make swishing back and forth; was so calming to me.
i would lay in their for hours until my skin was pruned.
without a care. 
no deadline. 
no time limit. 
nothing due. 
no where to be.
just relaxing.
it made me wonder why is it that the older we get the less we allow ourselves to have moments like this? these moments provide so much clarity and relaxation.
i feel so rejuvenated eventhough i have plans for the rest of the day.
i feel no rush, no worries. (p.s. i never feel this way)

but anyway, during my moment of clarity i began to think about something i saw on postsecret.. it was a secret someone had submitted about how there alleged good friends turned their backs on them but it wasn't that so much that surprised them. what surprised them was the people who arouse and had their back.
thats actually pretty profound. ive been going threw a lot recently and it hasnt been easy on me so im sure my friends are feeling some of the strain since ive been so down. it hurts hearing friends of mine are upset with me and won't tell me why.. i dont see the reasoning behind hiding what theyre feeling?! im pretty blunt. i wish more people would say what they mean instead of what people want to hear. you dont have to be hurtful or rude but telling people whats up sometimes can really help and it makes them respect you for having the guts to tell them. but thats just me.
but when we're all out i try to fake a smile, just to ensure everyone will have a good time.
i cant remember the last time i really laughed, like full out fell over, cracked up laughed.
even while in altered states i still find it hard to smile and laugh.
i cant wait for this stage to be over. my doctor made me take some test yesterday when i went to see her and i knew what the results would be but hearing it out loud bummed me out.

im gonna try to cut peole a little more slack and take things as they come and stop analyzing everything. i think that will help me and my anxiety a lot.

well thats all for today. have a great one.
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