One year later + How I are you doing?
Sixteen minutes after midnight, it's a Friday night and I'm sitting at home watching Pretty In Pink instead of at a bar drinking with strangers or at the local WaHo getting on sale's peoples nerves. Simply just hanging out. I'm happy.
I miss my family in Mississippi and the few friends I do have; I miss them. Last year around the same time I was drinking at a bar with some friends from high school, living with a friend of mine that's in the Navy and taking care of her little girl. I was packing for my father's with a headache from all the booze I had drank the night before last. My phone rang, and the one thing nobody wants to hear comes out of the cop's mouth on the other side of the line. He was telling me that my father was dead, all I could think of was my father being alone at his house dying. And nobody there to help him or rescue him from his troubles that he had felt, but I was at a bar drinking.
Sometimes I'll be at work doodling in my notepad thinking about what my dad would say to me other times I have night terrors that haunt me of seeing his cold body laying on his wooden floors in the center of his kitchen. For a year, I have felt 'alone'.. yes, people were along my side but the people who mattered weren't around and that made me feel even more swallowed. I have busted my ass to get out of Mississippi, to start over.. to be born again 'not christian' but in another city and still the sights of a 27 year old without a plan, but lots of good motives. I'm working two jobs and while I have maybe two friends out of my work area, I make a lot of the time up with calling my family and friends in Mississippi, hanging out with my cousin's here, who have become first string immediate members of my family. I do love and adore them and this area. Except for the mere fact that on every corner is a new church popping up, BMW's everywhere (We have a BMW plant), Clemson and USC fans everywhere.. ah that gets on my nerves. I'm just biased because I'm an LSU fan.
I talked to an old friend on the phone the other night, I haven't seen this friend in probably over three years. I'm glad facebook exists because it has brought back lots of relationships and old people back into my life, even if they read my wacky wacky world of my life.. I feel more independent now, but I didn't leave Mississippi unscathed. My scars are healing and my heart is getting stronger. I'm just trying to work hard for what I want in my life. I don't want to wake up in five years and regret not finishing what I started.
Dad's birthday was terrible. So I'm hoping to ghandi that family is just nice to me for the next three days. If not, I will do what I've done for the last six years and that's shut everybody out on that day. But, dad's is different. I feel stronger now dealing with my father's death than I did when Zach died.. of course I would. I was a 26 year old, not 20.. and questioning if my brother could have a new brain. The other day my mom called and I was reminded of a few things I kept stored with my brother.. My mom was talking about what he looked like in the hospital. I never cry, really. I try not to but I'm a human.. it happens. Sad movies with especially a father or brother to a sister/daughter always pinches me. I don't like hospitals.
One year later. I'm glad where I'm standing.. I just miss my dad. Rest in peace, Roger Preston McGee. I love you so so so much and miss you more than you'll never know.
I miss my family in Mississippi and the few friends I do have; I miss them. Last year around the same time I was drinking at a bar with some friends from high school, living with a friend of mine that's in the Navy and taking care of her little girl. I was packing for my father's with a headache from all the booze I had drank the night before last. My phone rang, and the one thing nobody wants to hear comes out of the cop's mouth on the other side of the line. He was telling me that my father was dead, all I could think of was my father being alone at his house dying. And nobody there to help him or rescue him from his troubles that he had felt, but I was at a bar drinking.
Sometimes I'll be at work doodling in my notepad thinking about what my dad would say to me other times I have night terrors that haunt me of seeing his cold body laying on his wooden floors in the center of his kitchen. For a year, I have felt 'alone'.. yes, people were along my side but the people who mattered weren't around and that made me feel even more swallowed. I have busted my ass to get out of Mississippi, to start over.. to be born again 'not christian' but in another city and still the sights of a 27 year old without a plan, but lots of good motives. I'm working two jobs and while I have maybe two friends out of my work area, I make a lot of the time up with calling my family and friends in Mississippi, hanging out with my cousin's here, who have become first string immediate members of my family. I do love and adore them and this area. Except for the mere fact that on every corner is a new church popping up, BMW's everywhere (We have a BMW plant), Clemson and USC fans everywhere.. ah that gets on my nerves. I'm just biased because I'm an LSU fan.
I talked to an old friend on the phone the other night, I haven't seen this friend in probably over three years. I'm glad facebook exists because it has brought back lots of relationships and old people back into my life, even if they read my wacky wacky world of my life.. I feel more independent now, but I didn't leave Mississippi unscathed. My scars are healing and my heart is getting stronger. I'm just trying to work hard for what I want in my life. I don't want to wake up in five years and regret not finishing what I started.
Dad's birthday was terrible. So I'm hoping to ghandi that family is just nice to me for the next three days. If not, I will do what I've done for the last six years and that's shut everybody out on that day. But, dad's is different. I feel stronger now dealing with my father's death than I did when Zach died.. of course I would. I was a 26 year old, not 20.. and questioning if my brother could have a new brain. The other day my mom called and I was reminded of a few things I kept stored with my brother.. My mom was talking about what he looked like in the hospital. I never cry, really. I try not to but I'm a human.. it happens. Sad movies with especially a father or brother to a sister/daughter always pinches me. I don't like hospitals.
One year later. I'm glad where I'm standing.. I just miss my dad. Rest in peace, Roger Preston McGee. I love you so so so much and miss you more than you'll never know.