Be Your Brave, Beautiful, Awkward Self
Last night, we had the honor of attending a surprise 60th birthday party for a woman we both admire. I’m not sure how much of a surprise it was for the guest of honor but it was a wonderful celebration. When we arrived at the church function hall that was hosting this event, a slide show cycled through many moments, stitched together to form a life well lived. I was immediately struck by how many similar slide shows I’ve seen at the wake or funeral of the featured individual and how grateful I was for this opportunity to show honor, love and respect for this person while they were still with us. And then I wondered why don’t we do that more? Show the person how much they mean to us while they’re still here? I’m admittedly bad at both showing and receiving love. I think many people are. Think about it - - what’s your immediate reaction when someone pays you a compliment? I recently saw someone I hadn’t seen in a while and they greeted me with an enthusiastic, “You look beautiful!” And I mumbled to myself while wondering what was wrong with them, thinking, “Beautiful? I look like I haven’t seen a workout since Clinton was in office. And, I think what you mean is tan. I look tan. My face looks tan… and probably wrinkly from the sun and… what was it that you were saying?”
People are more connected than they’ve ever been and yet, we’re simultaneously disconnected because we’re moving fast, fast, faster speeds. Catching up “IRL” feels like it could become a lost art.
Last night, the guest of honor looked beautiful “IRL” and, seemingly more so with each passing year as evidenced by the slide show. She and her husband have been married for many years and raised four children together. It’s clear they still very much love and enjoy one another and support one another in such a way that it brings out the best in one another. I’m fortunate in that I too am in a relationship where we bring out the best in one another. Or, as Andrea says, “Yeah. We call each other out on our shit.” The importance of having someone in your life who will call you out on your shit cannot be emphasized enough. These discussions can be just as bravely awkward as telling someone they look beautiful but they usually come from the same place - - out of love for that person. People are so afraid to have these conversations and yet, I’ve seen relationships die as a result of not having these discussions and ironically, the people thrive afterwards, when their on their own and have had to figure it out on their own. I’m not saying these conversations always go well. I have a friend who’s been having these conversations with her spouse, who’s impassive, and she’s bearing witness to the relationship slowly dying. Be brave. Be awkward. Be you.
“Everyone wants one person in the world to whom they can tell the truth and from whom they will hear the truth. Become that person.” -Susan Scott, Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life One Conversation at a Time