Okay.
I've developed something akin to a game plan for myself. First off, though, I'm going to try to maintain this journal a bit more, because it's a better way to get my thoughts straight. Normally they're in a chaotic stream of consciousness that don't really make sense until I start making them solid, real, concrete.
Emotionally, I'm still a horrible rollercoaster. I think that in my list of fuckups, I managed to destroy my life further over the weekend. It's amazing how these things can compound....but by recognizing where these traps go, I think I can develop myself further now.
Okay. So I have created something of a budget for myself to follow. It's still very loose, and I want to nail down concrete numbers for how much I'm allowing myself to spend on food and possible other miscellaneous expenses. But as far as the big ones, those are nailed down. How much I want to have left over every month to apply towards my financial and educational situation, I have nailed down. I also intend on enrolling at SCC for the Fall semester at the *very* latest. I want to have an idea what I'm persuing still ahead of time, and right now is a matter of developing options.
I still have no idea what I'd be good at, or what I'm passionate about. My biggest strength (or so I feel), and this *has* been lacking as of late, is the ability to help others, to provide support and strength to others. That used to be something I could respect myself for, and lately that hasn't been as much. What would be viable options for someone interested in that?
I've already made some headway into an English degree, that might be the simplest to persue. But I'm beginning to think if I want to go, it better be for a damn good reason, and it better be something I can wholeheartedly believe in, something I *can* persue with all of my being. I'm not so much in this for financial success. I don't want big bucks, but I want something to support myself and those I care about, and I want something that I can come home from feeling like I actually made a difference somehow. That's what I want to do. And I think that should be what I aim for.
This way, I can also learn to respect myself once more.
Hopefully this will work out. Anyway, I need sleep. I locked myself out of the house already today, and Nick was kind enough to bail my ass out. ;P Boy, the days just keep getting better and better...
--- For All The Dreamers
Emotionally, I'm still a horrible rollercoaster. I think that in my list of fuckups, I managed to destroy my life further over the weekend. It's amazing how these things can compound....but by recognizing where these traps go, I think I can develop myself further now.
Okay. So I have created something of a budget for myself to follow. It's still very loose, and I want to nail down concrete numbers for how much I'm allowing myself to spend on food and possible other miscellaneous expenses. But as far as the big ones, those are nailed down. How much I want to have left over every month to apply towards my financial and educational situation, I have nailed down. I also intend on enrolling at SCC for the Fall semester at the *very* latest. I want to have an idea what I'm persuing still ahead of time, and right now is a matter of developing options.
I still have no idea what I'd be good at, or what I'm passionate about. My biggest strength (or so I feel), and this *has* been lacking as of late, is the ability to help others, to provide support and strength to others. That used to be something I could respect myself for, and lately that hasn't been as much. What would be viable options for someone interested in that?
I've already made some headway into an English degree, that might be the simplest to persue. But I'm beginning to think if I want to go, it better be for a damn good reason, and it better be something I can wholeheartedly believe in, something I *can* persue with all of my being. I'm not so much in this for financial success. I don't want big bucks, but I want something to support myself and those I care about, and I want something that I can come home from feeling like I actually made a difference somehow. That's what I want to do. And I think that should be what I aim for.
This way, I can also learn to respect myself once more.
Hopefully this will work out. Anyway, I need sleep. I locked myself out of the house already today, and Nick was kind enough to bail my ass out. ;P Boy, the days just keep getting better and better...
--- For All The Dreamers