In Disguises No One Knows
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Despite the fact that he really didn’t want to do so, Carth found himself searching the confines of the Hawk for Eilis. He finally found her curled up in a corner of the cargo hold, her normally bright blue eyes dulled and her short dark hair in a mess.
She looked up at him then looked away, shame in her eyes.
“You were right, Carth,” she said between dry, body-wracking sobs. “Revan deserves to die for all she did.” She lifted her right arm, revealing one of the Mandalorian blaster’s they’d picked up in their travels clenched in her mechanical hand. “I deserve to die.”
“No,” breathed Carth. Before he knew what he was doing, he was on his knees in front of her pulling the blaster out of her hands. “You don’t deserve to die.”
“You said it. You said Revan and Malak deserved to die for what they did.”
Carth frowned at that.
“You’re not Revan,” he whispered.
Eilis shook her head at that, eyes haunted.
“No,” she breathed. “I am. It…it makes so much sense now. The Council’s distrust, my knowing where the Star Map’s are, how I knew instinctively how to fight with a lightsabre…IT ALL FITS!”
She broke down in hysterical giggles then and Carth, not knowing what else to do, gathered her against his chest. He ran his fingers through her dark hair and continually whispered, “That’s not you…it’s not.”
“Then who am I?” whispered Eilis, her fingers clutching feverishly at his orange flight jacket. “I’m not Revan and I’m not Eilis O’Bren. Who am I then? Some odd mixing of them? Or am I nobody?”
Carth shook his head and grasped her chin, lifting her eyes to meet his.
“You are who you are. Revan or Eilis, you are who you are.”
“And who am I?” she asked, looking at him. Her eyes pleaded with him for an answer, for something to stop the madness slowly taking over her mind and give her something to cling to. She needed a truth to weather the storm.
“You’re the woman I love,” breathed Carth. “That’s all you need to know.”
Eilis looked at him for a long moment then nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes.
“That I can be,” she whispered. “But…”
“But what?”
“But can you love the woman that created the man that destroyed your world?”
A lump formed in Carth’s throat at that question and he found he couldn’t answer.
He really did love Eilis - not even discovering who she really was could change that. But could he continue to?
He shook his head slightly and replied, “I don’t know.”
Eilis stiffened against him then muttered, “Better than a ‘no’, I suppose.”
“Eilis…”
“Revan,” she whispered. “Eilis O’Bren never existed. She’s a figment of the Council’s imagination. I am -and always was - Revan.”
Carth sat silently in response to that then shuddered violently.
“Revan,” he whispered.
“Carth,” she said softly, reaching up to touch his face. “I’m so sorry…”
“I know,” he murmured, clasping his hand over hers. He then lifted her chin and kissed her gently, carefully - almost as though testing himself. Testing to see if their new knowledge would change their reaction to each other.
She tensed momentarily then returned the kiss, nibbling slightly on his lower lip as she did so. They sat for a few moments just exchanging gentle kisses and casual caresses before they pulled away from each other.
Her blue eyes were a little brighter as she looked up at him now and he smiled tightly.
“I love you,” whispered Revan as she brushed her fingertips over his stubbled cheek.
Carth looked down at her for a moment then turned his face into her hand, kissing her palm.
“Love you too,” he whispered back before pulling her against him again.
They sat there for hours in the same position until they fell asleep, which was where Juhani and Mission found them. The Jedi and young scoundrel looked at each other then back at the couple seated on the floor before creeping back out of the cargo hold. Juhani returned moments later and laid a blanket over the two, her golden eyes bright as she looked at them.
If there is hope for them, she thought as she headed back towards the common area, perhaps there is hope for us all.
Despite the fact that he really didn’t want to do so, Carth found himself searching the confines of the Hawk for Eilis. He finally found her curled up in a corner of the cargo hold, her normally bright blue eyes dulled and her short dark hair in a mess.
She looked up at him then looked away, shame in her eyes.
“You were right, Carth,” she said between dry, body-wracking sobs. “Revan deserves to die for all she did.” She lifted her right arm, revealing one of the Mandalorian blaster’s they’d picked up in their travels clenched in her mechanical hand. “I deserve to die.”
“No,” breathed Carth. Before he knew what he was doing, he was on his knees in front of her pulling the blaster out of her hands. “You don’t deserve to die.”
“You said it. You said Revan and Malak deserved to die for what they did.”
Carth frowned at that.
“You’re not Revan,” he whispered.
Eilis shook her head at that, eyes haunted.
“No,” she breathed. “I am. It…it makes so much sense now. The Council’s distrust, my knowing where the Star Map’s are, how I knew instinctively how to fight with a lightsabre…IT ALL FITS!”
She broke down in hysterical giggles then and Carth, not knowing what else to do, gathered her against his chest. He ran his fingers through her dark hair and continually whispered, “That’s not you…it’s not.”
“Then who am I?” whispered Eilis, her fingers clutching feverishly at his orange flight jacket. “I’m not Revan and I’m not Eilis O’Bren. Who am I then? Some odd mixing of them? Or am I nobody?”
Carth shook his head and grasped her chin, lifting her eyes to meet his.
“You are who you are. Revan or Eilis, you are who you are.”
“And who am I?” she asked, looking at him. Her eyes pleaded with him for an answer, for something to stop the madness slowly taking over her mind and give her something to cling to. She needed a truth to weather the storm.
“You’re the woman I love,” breathed Carth. “That’s all you need to know.”
Eilis looked at him for a long moment then nodded and leaned her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes.
“That I can be,” she whispered. “But…”
“But what?”
“But can you love the woman that created the man that destroyed your world?”
A lump formed in Carth’s throat at that question and he found he couldn’t answer.
He really did love Eilis - not even discovering who she really was could change that. But could he continue to?
He shook his head slightly and replied, “I don’t know.”
Eilis stiffened against him then muttered, “Better than a ‘no’, I suppose.”
“Eilis…”
“Revan,” she whispered. “Eilis O’Bren never existed. She’s a figment of the Council’s imagination. I am -and always was - Revan.”
Carth sat silently in response to that then shuddered violently.
“Revan,” he whispered.
“Carth,” she said softly, reaching up to touch his face. “I’m so sorry…”
“I know,” he murmured, clasping his hand over hers. He then lifted her chin and kissed her gently, carefully - almost as though testing himself. Testing to see if their new knowledge would change their reaction to each other.
She tensed momentarily then returned the kiss, nibbling slightly on his lower lip as she did so. They sat for a few moments just exchanging gentle kisses and casual caresses before they pulled away from each other.
Her blue eyes were a little brighter as she looked up at him now and he smiled tightly.
“I love you,” whispered Revan as she brushed her fingertips over his stubbled cheek.
Carth looked down at her for a moment then turned his face into her hand, kissing her palm.
“Love you too,” he whispered back before pulling her against him again.
They sat there for hours in the same position until they fell asleep, which was where Juhani and Mission found them. The Jedi and young scoundrel looked at each other then back at the couple seated on the floor before creeping back out of the cargo hold. Juhani returned moments later and laid a blanket over the two, her golden eyes bright as she looked at them.
If there is hope for them, she thought as she headed back towards the common area, perhaps there is hope for us all.