...yeah

[arwynredfenne]

almost fell apart today...

almost spit out every evil-minded poison I have swallowed
and swallowed
and swallowed
    the past few weeks;

almost screamed away the heavy shame that has burnt me
and burnt me
and burnt me
    every time I think these things;

almost laid down the guilt that has weighed on me
and weighed on me
and weighed on me
    for just trying to be happy;

almost removed the censors I have forced upon myself
and forced upon myself
and forced upon myself
    just to keep you happy;

...but I didn't.

almost broke down today...

almost let my eyes reveal the pain in my heart
and reveal the pain in my heart
and reveal the pain in my heart
    until you really saw it;

almost let my prodigal tears roll down my face
and roll down my face
and roll down my face
    where they haven't been for weeks;

almost let angry words burst from my throat
and burst from my throat
and burst from my throat
    until there were no more to say;

...but I didn't.

I turned away, ran away, hid away--
for the last time.

Tomorrow, I hope,
it'll all be different.