(no subject)
ok bad - I know. I really broke last night. I was OK, then my mum decides to have one of her rare "chats" about my ED. . She wasn't being nasty or anything, she's just really anxious. She cried. I HATE making her cry - I feel like a major disappointment to her and I make her so worried that I'll end up back in hospital.
It made me feel so bad and so angry with myself that I can't change. She (understandably) thinks that can "choose" to get better. I can't. I'm already waiting for my first appt. with a new psych. - so I am trying. But making her cry again - shit -.
So I b/ped and i cried and I CUT!. Bad, bad, stupid!. And this morning it hurts and I'm glad it hurts. I feel like such a waste of space today. I need ...IDK, something to get me back on track.
It made me feel so bad and so angry with myself that I can't change. She (understandably) thinks that can "choose" to get better. I can't. I'm already waiting for my first appt. with a new psych. - so I am trying. But making her cry again - shit -.
So I b/ped and i cried and I CUT!. Bad, bad, stupid!. And this morning it hurts and I'm glad it hurts. I feel like such a waste of space today. I need ...IDK, something to get me back on track.