(no subject)
What’s eating me…
I feel like I have no purpose right now. I know I need to get up and get out and do something, but I can’t get myself to move most days, except for going to work. I sit on the computer in front of the TV. I have Rachel and Kevin, but our schedules don’t always align, and in a lot of ways I feel very alone here in Wisconsin. I don’t have friends here, and I can’t even make myself call any of my friends…it’s like a chore. I feel detached, though I know it doesn’t have to be this way.
I’m disappointed that this is my life right now, I think. I’m disappointed that I’m working at Target, living at my sister’s, holding myself back from living whatever kind of life I’m meant to live. I am sooo thankful that Rachel and Kevin want me to stay with them, and I love them both and love living with them, but it makes me feel like a dependent (and in a lot of ways, I am). I see my peers, people who I graduated with or who have just graduated, doing amazing things with their lives, be it as small as picking up and moving somewhere they’ve always wanted to live, just to be there. Selling handmade wares to raise money so they can live and teach in Africa. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I feel so insignificant and lost.
I should be using my free time to do something to better myself or my world, like read, or volunteer, or get back into crafting, or start exercising…I should make myself start writing again, or take my poor lonely guitar or sewing machine out of its case. I just can’t seem to do it! I’m terribly undisciplined.
I’m afraid if I don’t make any changes, I’ll be stuck in this rut for way too long.
Thank God I have a job...but it's pretty much all I've got in my life right now.
I feel like I have no purpose right now. I know I need to get up and get out and do something, but I can’t get myself to move most days, except for going to work. I sit on the computer in front of the TV. I have Rachel and Kevin, but our schedules don’t always align, and in a lot of ways I feel very alone here in Wisconsin. I don’t have friends here, and I can’t even make myself call any of my friends…it’s like a chore. I feel detached, though I know it doesn’t have to be this way.
I’m disappointed that this is my life right now, I think. I’m disappointed that I’m working at Target, living at my sister’s, holding myself back from living whatever kind of life I’m meant to live. I am sooo thankful that Rachel and Kevin want me to stay with them, and I love them both and love living with them, but it makes me feel like a dependent (and in a lot of ways, I am). I see my peers, people who I graduated with or who have just graduated, doing amazing things with their lives, be it as small as picking up and moving somewhere they’ve always wanted to live, just to be there. Selling handmade wares to raise money so they can live and teach in Africa. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to others, but I feel so insignificant and lost.
I should be using my free time to do something to better myself or my world, like read, or volunteer, or get back into crafting, or start exercising…I should make myself start writing again, or take my poor lonely guitar or sewing machine out of its case. I just can’t seem to do it! I’m terribly undisciplined.
I’m afraid if I don’t make any changes, I’ll be stuck in this rut for way too long.
Thank God I have a job...but it's pretty much all I've got in my life right now.