This Livejournal More Often Than Not Is A Real Journal.
One time I had this dream. It was during a period where I wasn't as happy as I should've been. In the dream, Nate and I were watching television and all of a sudden everything started fading away until it was just me in my pajamas. The window of my house opened and I started jumping around the Puget Sound. When I built up enough momentum, I landed on the moon and saw my grandfather who must've been three times his size. After he dispensed some advice, the dream ended with me and him together on the moon, looking at the Earth. The most noticable thing is that I never came back.
The point is, during times of not knowing what to do and feeling lost, I tend to look up at the sky and think of my grandfather. I do it a lot, now that I think about it. Wondering if I really was as strong and holy as he and my mother always thought me to be. My grandfather has always been my role model and I would feel I lived a lush life if I was just a quarter of the man he was.
Sigh.
There's this line in Calvin and Hobbes. After their house is broken into, the dad remarks that he used to expect grown-ups to help with the heavy stuff and that knowing what he does now, he would have never rushed into adulthood knowing it was going to be ad-libbed.
It's been a weird week. It's been a sad week.
In one day, I felt like I lost two people, to which degrees are varying.
One of them was my best friend whom I will see again and again and my adventures are far from over with. But he is in California and no, I can't just go to Seattle and spend a day or two with him. No, I cannot drive by his work.
No, I did not tell him I love him when I should have. But we will ride the wind again.
The other, well, I spent all day driving to Walla Walla and then back. A ten hour drive basically to properly break up with somebody. Not just a girlfriend, but my best friend too, this person was far harder to say goodbye to because...well, I'm not really sure we'll ever cross paths again. One thing always contradicted the other and in three days, I feel as if I was told three different things, enough to openly ask her, "Who am I talking to?" when deep down, I was wondering who are you this time?
And on the drive home, I may have fallen out of love and see two years of friendship and relationship crumble very quickly, but for the first time, I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself I was twenty years old and that the world still lay before me.
Then I smiled.
And when I drove back from Nate's this morning, I looked up at the night sky again, not really sure if I was telling myself or my grandfather that I should've been feeling that way all along, never allowing one person or circumstance to make me feel that I'm not free.
The point is, during times of not knowing what to do and feeling lost, I tend to look up at the sky and think of my grandfather. I do it a lot, now that I think about it. Wondering if I really was as strong and holy as he and my mother always thought me to be. My grandfather has always been my role model and I would feel I lived a lush life if I was just a quarter of the man he was.
Sigh.
There's this line in Calvin and Hobbes. After their house is broken into, the dad remarks that he used to expect grown-ups to help with the heavy stuff and that knowing what he does now, he would have never rushed into adulthood knowing it was going to be ad-libbed.
It's been a weird week. It's been a sad week.
In one day, I felt like I lost two people, to which degrees are varying.
One of them was my best friend whom I will see again and again and my adventures are far from over with. But he is in California and no, I can't just go to Seattle and spend a day or two with him. No, I cannot drive by his work.
No, I did not tell him I love him when I should have. But we will ride the wind again.
The other, well, I spent all day driving to Walla Walla and then back. A ten hour drive basically to properly break up with somebody. Not just a girlfriend, but my best friend too, this person was far harder to say goodbye to because...well, I'm not really sure we'll ever cross paths again. One thing always contradicted the other and in three days, I feel as if I was told three different things, enough to openly ask her, "Who am I talking to?" when deep down, I was wondering who are you this time?
And on the drive home, I may have fallen out of love and see two years of friendship and relationship crumble very quickly, but for the first time, I looked at myself in the mirror and told myself I was twenty years old and that the world still lay before me.
Then I smiled.
And when I drove back from Nate's this morning, I looked up at the night sky again, not really sure if I was telling myself or my grandfather that I should've been feeling that way all along, never allowing one person or circumstance to make me feel that I'm not free.