The fire has dimmed
I can't find the USB cord that goes from my camera to the computer... so then I bought this thing from Best Buy that hooked up to the computer and I could just insert my memory stick into... but my dog chewed the cord that connected it to the computer. So I haven't been able to put any pictures onto my computer. I'm so bored.
Living with Jason has been great and everything up until now. I don't know. I think sometimes, maybe he's not interested anymore because I gained weight, I KNOW I don't look how I used to for him. I can't fit into the same cute clothes, going shopping makes me depressed. All I want to do now is scream. But I know my voice would go out. I want to scream at him sometimes because I want what we had in the first few months of our relationship. Here we are a year and a half later... the fire has dimmed and I worry that it may go out. Not just our sex but everything else. We used to do cute things for each other. Leave roses on each other's cars, little notes laying around, eating out by ourselves, candles lit around the room when I get off work... sneaking in little quickies in the afternoon between our busy schedules. What happened? Sometimes when I lay next to him, he's not even there, or I'm not there. For the past few days I've just wanted to go home. Eat healthy Korean food again, get back into working out, deal with my psycho family. But I know if I ever did leave, it would be taking a step back, and I don't think it would be for the best concerning our relationship. He seems like he's got a lot on his mind and I want to help him, but he doesn't always talk about it.
I don't know what to do about anything any more. Chanta and Scooby are doing their thing, so to speak. All I want to do is help and I just get so frustrated when I see people make not just stupid decisions, but fucking retarded decisions. Heh... maybe it's me, I've changed? I'm boring now, as I try to take on more responsibility and think more practically. Maybe I'm doomed to turn out like my parents, because that's how I feel when I'm around my friends, I feel like their parents.
I don't know how I feel. All I know is I'm tired from being sick, from studying, from working, from taking care of my family because my mother isn't there, from taking care of my friends or at least trying to, from taking care of my dog, taking care of Jason, and exhausted from trying to take care of myself because I don't even do that very well.
I want to get out of here. By myself. I really wanted to go to New York for New Years. I already have 2 places to stay and everything would have worked out except that Jason can't get off work. I'm tempted to just go, but maybe it's not the best time to go. I have a lot going on here. I have to get a lawyer now for the ticket I got, I have to finish up this semester with a bang! Get good grades. I need to save my money for whatever the fine is going to be for the ticket. I don't fucking know. Maybe that's why I got the flu, I worked myself out. Now I have to get ready to start volunteering... Ahh. I really just want to go back home, back in my old room, back to my old routine, back to being single and not having money issues, just... not even all that, I just want life to be less complicated. I can't even go into complete detail about what I mean, because I haven't figured it all out yet and I probably never will.
Just keep on going...
Living with Jason has been great and everything up until now. I don't know. I think sometimes, maybe he's not interested anymore because I gained weight, I KNOW I don't look how I used to for him. I can't fit into the same cute clothes, going shopping makes me depressed. All I want to do now is scream. But I know my voice would go out. I want to scream at him sometimes because I want what we had in the first few months of our relationship. Here we are a year and a half later... the fire has dimmed and I worry that it may go out. Not just our sex but everything else. We used to do cute things for each other. Leave roses on each other's cars, little notes laying around, eating out by ourselves, candles lit around the room when I get off work... sneaking in little quickies in the afternoon between our busy schedules. What happened? Sometimes when I lay next to him, he's not even there, or I'm not there. For the past few days I've just wanted to go home. Eat healthy Korean food again, get back into working out, deal with my psycho family. But I know if I ever did leave, it would be taking a step back, and I don't think it would be for the best concerning our relationship. He seems like he's got a lot on his mind and I want to help him, but he doesn't always talk about it.
I don't know what to do about anything any more. Chanta and Scooby are doing their thing, so to speak. All I want to do is help and I just get so frustrated when I see people make not just stupid decisions, but fucking retarded decisions. Heh... maybe it's me, I've changed? I'm boring now, as I try to take on more responsibility and think more practically. Maybe I'm doomed to turn out like my parents, because that's how I feel when I'm around my friends, I feel like their parents.
I don't know how I feel. All I know is I'm tired from being sick, from studying, from working, from taking care of my family because my mother isn't there, from taking care of my friends or at least trying to, from taking care of my dog, taking care of Jason, and exhausted from trying to take care of myself because I don't even do that very well.
I want to get out of here. By myself. I really wanted to go to New York for New Years. I already have 2 places to stay and everything would have worked out except that Jason can't get off work. I'm tempted to just go, but maybe it's not the best time to go. I have a lot going on here. I have to get a lawyer now for the ticket I got, I have to finish up this semester with a bang! Get good grades. I need to save my money for whatever the fine is going to be for the ticket. I don't fucking know. Maybe that's why I got the flu, I worked myself out. Now I have to get ready to start volunteering... Ahh. I really just want to go back home, back in my old room, back to my old routine, back to being single and not having money issues, just... not even all that, I just want life to be less complicated. I can't even go into complete detail about what I mean, because I haven't figured it all out yet and I probably never will.
Just keep on going...