Ipods- Droplets of White Pain Amongst Us?
I have failed to mention up until this point, but I have switched jobs quite some time ago. Yes, no longer bound as a slave to the phones of Murkwood Marketing, conducting paltry consumer questionnaires and occaisonally worming into the feeble minds of men the seed of the Dark Lord's will, that it might grow and fester, to bring those fools under his command when at last he rises again to claim dominion over these pathetic Men and Near-Men of Middle Earth! ... However, the sad truth of such an existance is that the majority of Elves have fled (they have sensed that my Most Illustrious Master is merely waiting to strike again and have made for themselves a cowardly, yet justified retreat), and Men have invented an inter-kingdom Do Not Call list, so my tasks have been mostly confined to the lesser races. Have you ever tried to convince a Goblin that the survey you are trying to administer to him will be necessary not because you will provide him with a live, squirming prey animal, but because he can receive a discount when ordering from our website? The conversation is not very rewarding for either party, I can assure you.
My new position is actually quite a vertical leap in the pathetic "ladder" which mortals have created to measure their success during their brief flicker of life. I realized from my continued necessary dealings with the "techs" and website programmers from Murkwood that this new and powerful Internet is a far broader and more open tool for the binding of Man and his allies to the Will of Our Lord Sauron. After creating a resume and tendering my resignation, I applied for a job at the Two Towers High Speed Internet Service Provider. Due to my "diplomatic" skills and my previous position as a telephone operator, I was granted the position of Head of Tech Support, which has proven to be largely a manager position, with little actual technical knowledge required. Although wise, gifted, powerful and knowledgable in the Arcane Arts, I have little experience with the upkeep of Mankind's latest machines. While more difficult, this job is more rewarding overall, and as I gain the trust of my fellow employees, I am carefully determining how best to turn this company to my uses when the time should arise!
However, I'm sure you're all hanging in anticipation of why I have given to this Journal Entry the name which I have. All of what I have said to this point is relevant, I assure you. With this new job, I was issued a brand new device that has been termed an "I-Pod". This device has been given to us both to raise employee morale, and to allow us to "Save" and carry our projects back and forth from work, that we might continue our labors at home, if we so desire. While my fellow employees have found this to be a very enjoyable gift, I cannot say that I share their enthusiasm for this tiny, white torture device.
Smooth and simple, one would not expect such a device would hold the potential for such supposed convenience, and for such very real pain. While my work computer is a "Macintosh" for which I believe I-Pods are made, my home computer I acquired from a neighbor who was relieving himself of it, and I do not believe it to be a "Mac," as they say. Every attempt I make at connecting my I-Pod to my computer has ended in miserable defeat on my part, loathe as I am to admit it. Josh has long since moved out, not that I would have been able to request help from that foul beast, anyway, and His Dark Lord is woefully unfamiliar with the technical world. I have acquired the "Program" known as "I-Tunes," but that does not help my situation much at all. Quite unfortunately, it seems to have had an opposite effect, and I find it difficult to run my computer for as long as this I-Tunes remains on it. I cannot determine, either, how exactly to impart upon the tiny device how to play music unto me at my request, and while my own remains silent, my co-workers' own devices flow with music of an odious sort. This is not even beginning to describe the effect that these objects have had upon my employees. No longer am I able to gather their attentions and direct their movements, they remain distracted by the damnable machines, no matter how many times I repeat that they must remove the tiny "Headphones" from their ears while on the job. I fear that some advanced and secret form of mind-control is at work, warping my co-workers into willing slaves to the "Macintosh" empire. How could anything so evil have escaped my notice, or the Mighty Eye of my Dark Master? I am carefully studying the device that I was given, to try and understand the source of its great power over men. I am yet at a loss as to how to open the protective layer around it and observe the internal workings. I am told that the devices cannot be opened or worked upon except by those specifically granted the right and power to do so. If this is so, then surely some secret of their evil rests within this device. One so powerful that it must be hidden from the world! I cannot ask my co-workers for help opening the device, for that would make Macintosh aware that I know their secret! I must do it alone, but carefully. It is most assured that they are monitoring their devices to find those who, like myself, have discovered the truth of the devices! Although, I am certain, few have even made it as far as I have. It is not the ordinary mind that can uncover so devious a plan, and an even more cunning one who can outmanuever his foe to never be caught spying! Soon I shall have gathered all the answers, and I shall crush or cow the mighty Macintosh Empire, and use its resources and dark powers to fuel the One True Dark King, Sauron!
I will report later on my findings. For now, be wary of those devices! Only one being may hold your cowering souls under his sway, bending before his might and radiance like reeds before a storm- Sauron is your master, not this upstart called "Jobs!"
My new position is actually quite a vertical leap in the pathetic "ladder" which mortals have created to measure their success during their brief flicker of life. I realized from my continued necessary dealings with the "techs" and website programmers from Murkwood that this new and powerful Internet is a far broader and more open tool for the binding of Man and his allies to the Will of Our Lord Sauron. After creating a resume and tendering my resignation, I applied for a job at the Two Towers High Speed Internet Service Provider. Due to my "diplomatic" skills and my previous position as a telephone operator, I was granted the position of Head of Tech Support, which has proven to be largely a manager position, with little actual technical knowledge required. Although wise, gifted, powerful and knowledgable in the Arcane Arts, I have little experience with the upkeep of Mankind's latest machines. While more difficult, this job is more rewarding overall, and as I gain the trust of my fellow employees, I am carefully determining how best to turn this company to my uses when the time should arise!
However, I'm sure you're all hanging in anticipation of why I have given to this Journal Entry the name which I have. All of what I have said to this point is relevant, I assure you. With this new job, I was issued a brand new device that has been termed an "I-Pod". This device has been given to us both to raise employee morale, and to allow us to "Save" and carry our projects back and forth from work, that we might continue our labors at home, if we so desire. While my fellow employees have found this to be a very enjoyable gift, I cannot say that I share their enthusiasm for this tiny, white torture device.
Smooth and simple, one would not expect such a device would hold the potential for such supposed convenience, and for such very real pain. While my work computer is a "Macintosh" for which I believe I-Pods are made, my home computer I acquired from a neighbor who was relieving himself of it, and I do not believe it to be a "Mac," as they say. Every attempt I make at connecting my I-Pod to my computer has ended in miserable defeat on my part, loathe as I am to admit it. Josh has long since moved out, not that I would have been able to request help from that foul beast, anyway, and His Dark Lord is woefully unfamiliar with the technical world. I have acquired the "Program" known as "I-Tunes," but that does not help my situation much at all. Quite unfortunately, it seems to have had an opposite effect, and I find it difficult to run my computer for as long as this I-Tunes remains on it. I cannot determine, either, how exactly to impart upon the tiny device how to play music unto me at my request, and while my own remains silent, my co-workers' own devices flow with music of an odious sort. This is not even beginning to describe the effect that these objects have had upon my employees. No longer am I able to gather their attentions and direct their movements, they remain distracted by the damnable machines, no matter how many times I repeat that they must remove the tiny "Headphones" from their ears while on the job. I fear that some advanced and secret form of mind-control is at work, warping my co-workers into willing slaves to the "Macintosh" empire. How could anything so evil have escaped my notice, or the Mighty Eye of my Dark Master? I am carefully studying the device that I was given, to try and understand the source of its great power over men. I am yet at a loss as to how to open the protective layer around it and observe the internal workings. I am told that the devices cannot be opened or worked upon except by those specifically granted the right and power to do so. If this is so, then surely some secret of their evil rests within this device. One so powerful that it must be hidden from the world! I cannot ask my co-workers for help opening the device, for that would make Macintosh aware that I know their secret! I must do it alone, but carefully. It is most assured that they are monitoring their devices to find those who, like myself, have discovered the truth of the devices! Although, I am certain, few have even made it as far as I have. It is not the ordinary mind that can uncover so devious a plan, and an even more cunning one who can outmanuever his foe to never be caught spying! Soon I shall have gathered all the answers, and I shall crush or cow the mighty Macintosh Empire, and use its resources and dark powers to fuel the One True Dark King, Sauron!
I will report later on my findings. For now, be wary of those devices! Only one being may hold your cowering souls under his sway, bending before his might and radiance like reeds before a storm- Sauron is your master, not this upstart called "Jobs!"