warm whispers
I'm weeping for honey and milk - Missy Higgins
It only takes a few words, but anything can set me off these days. I just feel ... sensitive. Tomorrow, I'll be travelling with my dad to look a university a couple of hours away. I'm apprehensive. His taste in music sucks first, but just us in the car. I'm guessing I'll have anywhere from 3 - 5 lectures on my behaviour, grades, attitude and decisions.
I am so freaking tired of this family. Of my brother speaking rudely to my mom, and then my getting yelled at for telling him that he can't speak that way to her. Of constantly being glared at for the smallest of things. Of not being able to give an opinion without it being turned into an argument. Or being made to feel that whatever I'm doing is not enough. Maybe I'm not, but I'm tried of being made to feel not enough.
All I ever do is apologise. Every single day. And I mean it too. Guilt is always riding me, a polite withdrawal, "I'm sorry" or "My deepest apologies". Do I mean it? Is it so much to ask that someone apologises to me? To actually feel bad about upsetting me, to understand that it hurts, and care enough to try and make it better?
I want someone to hold me.
It only takes a few words, but anything can set me off these days. I just feel ... sensitive. Tomorrow, I'll be travelling with my dad to look a university a couple of hours away. I'm apprehensive. His taste in music sucks first, but just us in the car. I'm guessing I'll have anywhere from 3 - 5 lectures on my behaviour, grades, attitude and decisions.
I am so freaking tired of this family. Of my brother speaking rudely to my mom, and then my getting yelled at for telling him that he can't speak that way to her. Of constantly being glared at for the smallest of things. Of not being able to give an opinion without it being turned into an argument. Or being made to feel that whatever I'm doing is not enough. Maybe I'm not, but I'm tried of being made to feel not enough.
All I ever do is apologise. Every single day. And I mean it too. Guilt is always riding me, a polite withdrawal, "I'm sorry" or "My deepest apologies". Do I mean it? Is it so much to ask that someone apologises to me? To actually feel bad about upsetting me, to understand that it hurts, and care enough to try and make it better?
I want someone to hold me.