you wake up in the bed you make
Hello, hi, I will post a shit-got-real-for-a-long-minute update sometime soon, but right now it's almost 3 a.m. in my time zone and I'm feeling happy and chatty about my new fannish love. Basically, I fell face-first into BBC Sherlock about two weeks ago, and for the past three days have had little else knocking around in my head than thoughts about Mycroft Holmes and his beautiful soul.
"Even when the mask is up, the audience occasionally sees glimpses of the Mycroft that lurks beneath ... Another slip occurs while being chastised by Mrs. Hudson for sending Sherlock into danger - naturally, at the time, many people thought Mycroft rude for snapping at Mrs. Hudson, but upon hindsight, what we have is a man, who is privately quite protective of his brother, being accused of deliberately putting him at risk - of course he snaps at her."
-holmesiandeduction
Mycroft, Mycroft, Mycroft. I don't even know where to start, since the enormity of being Sherlock Holmes's brother probably occurred to him at about the same time that Sherlock spoke his first words, which were something like deoxyribonucleic acid.
Let's start with the obvious. Why work for the government, Mycroft, the one agency aside from the military less nurturing to brilliant minds, where toeing the line is more important than having the right answer? Because if it's not to protect your little brother, whom you've always known to be too clever for his own good, I'm coming up short. You wouldn't lecture Sherlock (through the proxy of John Watson) about squandering his great scientific and philosophical mind on detective work if you had freely chosen the most stifling occupation imaginable, rather than seeing it as a means to that end.
Mycrooooooooft. Possibly, you love your brother too much. Possibly because you suspect that no amount of love will ever be enough.
As much as Mycroft might disapprove of Sherlock's approach to life, he doesn't resent Sherlock like a brother who feels burdened by his sibling would - he finds him beautiful and too brilliant for this world and does everything in his power to shelter him from its particular cruelties. I can see Mycroft protecting Sherlock from an early age, wanting to change nothing about him but other kids are cruel, they tease and taunt and maybe beat Sherlock for the things he observes and doesn't know better than to say out loud (because Mycroft remembers what it was like to be different too, though he learned to keep his mouth shut because he was hungrier for success than precious about his pride. Maybe Sherlock was the one who first whispered amazing and incredible to him when they snuck off with their father's brandy during house parties so they could laugh about all the gossip going unsaid in the ballroom). Back at school, even 10 grades apart, though he couldn't protect Sherlock on the playground, Mycroft would engineer such elegant and complex revenge schemes. Sherlock never really knew what happened to his tormentors.
And when Sherlock got into cocaine and morphine, it wasn't the trouble and the debt and the shame of it that tore at Mycroft, but watching Sherlock lay waste to his mind. I could read reams and reams about his role in getting Sherlock off drugs (in the BBC universe, obv) because it's the hardest thing either of them has ever had to do, and because it's the one time Mycroft would have been disappointed in Sherlock so his handling of getting him clean may well have pushed their relationship very nearly to the breaking point.
So Mycroft has had to become creative to continue keeping tabs on his brother. He "kidnaps" John to relay messages and find out what he needs to know about Sherlock's wellbeing that the permanent surveillance detail don't mention in their reports. He has Lestrade shipped in from whatever tropical island he was baking on to keep an eye on Sherlock during The Hound of Baskerville because he knows that when his meddling has to get that direct, the person he sends has to be someone Sherlock trusts. Mycroft knows every square inch of Sherlock's life, and Sherlock may now see where the strings pull but allows it by not acknowledging it. Good god no, Mycroft would be the first to run that dapper umbrella of his through anyone who would, because to hold up that sort of mirror to his life would be to make a mockery of his aversion to sentiment.
The fact that Mycroft can do this now, protect Sherlock - not when they were kids (abusive father? Neglectful mother? Or worse, parents who resented their children's gift for all the awkwardness it would've caused?) and not when they were young men (because Sherlock was too busy trying to drown his beautiful mind in drugs and it was all Mycroft could do to keep him just on this side of the abyss) - is worth everything he has to do.
Which brings us to The Reichenbach Fall - the second Moriarty uttered Sherlock's name, Mycroft contacted Sherlock to devise a plan. Because there is no world in which Mycroft would give up the details of their childhood, of Sherlock's weaknesses, not even if the Queen's life (or his own) depended on it, without knowing exactly all the ways in which the perpetrator would regret every life decision that brought him to that point. In fact, Moriarty was the sort of man Mycroft was always afraid would come around one day, wasn't he? He was never afraid of Sherlock hurting others, because for all his arrogance and disdain there's never been a shred of malice behind it. But some psycho with cleverness and intellect enough to be irresistible at the center of a dangerous and ruthless web who wants nothing more than to tangle Sherlock up in it was almost inevitable, even if Sherlock didn't wake up every morning of his life looking for just that sort of trouble. I love the idea that Mycroft came up with the plan to fool Moriarty with the magic code, and that after the faked suicide, he orchestrated Sherlock's disappearance and is providing whatever he is going to need to hunt down Moriarty's assassins.
But despite the success of their plan, it kills Mycroft that Sherlock still had to come that close to death; that he couldn't keep Moriarty from very nearly destroying everything that Sherlock had built for himself; that at the end, Sherlock had to lose the only person who cared about him almost as much as Mycroft, who might have been the man to finally bring Sherlock off that lifelong tightrope so Mycroft could get some decent REM sleep instead of barely stirring when his phone rings in the middle of the night, his heartrate doubling until he realizes that no, this wasn't the time that he would have to identify Sherlock's body at the morgue. That is why he tells John to apologize to Sherlock for him.
Basically, I want allllll the Mycroft fic. About how there is no dealer in London who will sell to Sherlock. About taking care of Sherlock in the middle of the night because he'd nearly OD'd on something. About how the British government would've either recruited or eliminated Sherlock by now were it not for his "minor" position.
tl;dr Mycroft Holmes LET ME LOVE YOU FOREVER
"Even when the mask is up, the audience occasionally sees glimpses of the Mycroft that lurks beneath ... Another slip occurs while being chastised by Mrs. Hudson for sending Sherlock into danger - naturally, at the time, many people thought Mycroft rude for snapping at Mrs. Hudson, but upon hindsight, what we have is a man, who is privately quite protective of his brother, being accused of deliberately putting him at risk - of course he snaps at her."
-holmesiandeduction
Mycroft, Mycroft, Mycroft. I don't even know where to start, since the enormity of being Sherlock Holmes's brother probably occurred to him at about the same time that Sherlock spoke his first words, which were something like deoxyribonucleic acid.
Let's start with the obvious. Why work for the government, Mycroft, the one agency aside from the military less nurturing to brilliant minds, where toeing the line is more important than having the right answer? Because if it's not to protect your little brother, whom you've always known to be too clever for his own good, I'm coming up short. You wouldn't lecture Sherlock (through the proxy of John Watson) about squandering his great scientific and philosophical mind on detective work if you had freely chosen the most stifling occupation imaginable, rather than seeing it as a means to that end.
Mycrooooooooft. Possibly, you love your brother too much. Possibly because you suspect that no amount of love will ever be enough.
As much as Mycroft might disapprove of Sherlock's approach to life, he doesn't resent Sherlock like a brother who feels burdened by his sibling would - he finds him beautiful and too brilliant for this world and does everything in his power to shelter him from its particular cruelties. I can see Mycroft protecting Sherlock from an early age, wanting to change nothing about him but other kids are cruel, they tease and taunt and maybe beat Sherlock for the things he observes and doesn't know better than to say out loud (because Mycroft remembers what it was like to be different too, though he learned to keep his mouth shut because he was hungrier for success than precious about his pride. Maybe Sherlock was the one who first whispered amazing and incredible to him when they snuck off with their father's brandy during house parties so they could laugh about all the gossip going unsaid in the ballroom). Back at school, even 10 grades apart, though he couldn't protect Sherlock on the playground, Mycroft would engineer such elegant and complex revenge schemes. Sherlock never really knew what happened to his tormentors.
And when Sherlock got into cocaine and morphine, it wasn't the trouble and the debt and the shame of it that tore at Mycroft, but watching Sherlock lay waste to his mind. I could read reams and reams about his role in getting Sherlock off drugs (in the BBC universe, obv) because it's the hardest thing either of them has ever had to do, and because it's the one time Mycroft would have been disappointed in Sherlock so his handling of getting him clean may well have pushed their relationship very nearly to the breaking point.
So Mycroft has had to become creative to continue keeping tabs on his brother. He "kidnaps" John to relay messages and find out what he needs to know about Sherlock's wellbeing that the permanent surveillance detail don't mention in their reports. He has Lestrade shipped in from whatever tropical island he was baking on to keep an eye on Sherlock during The Hound of Baskerville because he knows that when his meddling has to get that direct, the person he sends has to be someone Sherlock trusts. Mycroft knows every square inch of Sherlock's life, and Sherlock may now see where the strings pull but allows it by not acknowledging it. Good god no, Mycroft would be the first to run that dapper umbrella of his through anyone who would, because to hold up that sort of mirror to his life would be to make a mockery of his aversion to sentiment.
The fact that Mycroft can do this now, protect Sherlock - not when they were kids (abusive father? Neglectful mother? Or worse, parents who resented their children's gift for all the awkwardness it would've caused?) and not when they were young men (because Sherlock was too busy trying to drown his beautiful mind in drugs and it was all Mycroft could do to keep him just on this side of the abyss) - is worth everything he has to do.
Which brings us to The Reichenbach Fall - the second Moriarty uttered Sherlock's name, Mycroft contacted Sherlock to devise a plan. Because there is no world in which Mycroft would give up the details of their childhood, of Sherlock's weaknesses, not even if the Queen's life (or his own) depended on it, without knowing exactly all the ways in which the perpetrator would regret every life decision that brought him to that point. In fact, Moriarty was the sort of man Mycroft was always afraid would come around one day, wasn't he? He was never afraid of Sherlock hurting others, because for all his arrogance and disdain there's never been a shred of malice behind it. But some psycho with cleverness and intellect enough to be irresistible at the center of a dangerous and ruthless web who wants nothing more than to tangle Sherlock up in it was almost inevitable, even if Sherlock didn't wake up every morning of his life looking for just that sort of trouble. I love the idea that Mycroft came up with the plan to fool Moriarty with the magic code, and that after the faked suicide, he orchestrated Sherlock's disappearance and is providing whatever he is going to need to hunt down Moriarty's assassins.
But despite the success of their plan, it kills Mycroft that Sherlock still had to come that close to death; that he couldn't keep Moriarty from very nearly destroying everything that Sherlock had built for himself; that at the end, Sherlock had to lose the only person who cared about him almost as much as Mycroft, who might have been the man to finally bring Sherlock off that lifelong tightrope so Mycroft could get some decent REM sleep instead of barely stirring when his phone rings in the middle of the night, his heartrate doubling until he realizes that no, this wasn't the time that he would have to identify Sherlock's body at the morgue. That is why he tells John to apologize to Sherlock for him.
Basically, I want allllll the Mycroft fic. About how there is no dealer in London who will sell to Sherlock. About taking care of Sherlock in the middle of the night because he'd nearly OD'd on something. About how the British government would've either recruited or eliminated Sherlock by now were it not for his "minor" position.
tl;dr Mycroft Holmes LET ME LOVE YOU FOREVER