The badge of his identity 8

[siriala]

Two weeks after the drama which had unfolded at his house, Jared was seemingly well. He talked, albeit not much, about his rape, and lived quite normally, regardless of Jensen's worry that had pushed him to take a temporary leave of absence from work for the first time in his life.

"I wish I had a way to help you forget what happened," Jensen said, "what those men did to you, forcing you. No one deserves something like this, I know, but I love you so much. Call me petty but I feel like you deserved it even less than anyone else."

Jared's face was so close to his own, lying as they were, both on the same pillow, but Jensen fought to keep his hands to himself instead of playing with his lover's hair. They hadn't made love since Jared had been forced, Jensen waiting for his lover's lead to act accordingly.

"It's not the fucking that bothers me," Jared explained. "I've done that my all life, this is who I am, I get fucked for a living. I don't care that they took me, I care that they didn't pay, that they just took me, like they helped themselves to my cellar and drank my wine."

Jensen was in no place to say if Jared was being honest or if he was trying to shy away from the hurt. Either way, maybe the best move was to play along.

"You care that it was not for your job, I can understand that. You've had lots of clients, who all took you many times, but it was with your agreement. There was no consent in what happened that night. They forced you, even if you let them do it. But I want you to know how proud I am of you, for playing them like that and making them think they had subdued you. Any other path might have gotten you killed, and I would have died without you. But we're here, safe, you're next to me. I can still love you and feel your love. I've never asked for anything else in my life."

Jared took Jensen's hand to link their fingers.

"Do you remember what he said, in the end ?"

"Yeah, don't worry about it. He just wanted to hurt you, make sure you would never forget. But he was wrong, so very wrong. You're my life, Jared. This Republic means nothing if you're not here to enjoy it with me."

Jared sniffled noisily.

"How can you even stand to look at me, after everything you saw ?"

"You're simply beautiful, and I can't see any difference between today and that day. You're still the man I love."

"You still find me beautiful ?"

Jensen smiled, glad to find a bit of amusement in the aftermath of Jared's ordeal.

"You're still the most beautiful man I've ever seen. You take my breath away every time my eyes fall on you, and I still can't believe my luck that you found it in your heart to love me back."

There were tears in Jared's eyes, which Jensen brushed away when they began falling on his cheeks. They lay there for a long while, silently, soaking up the pleasure of each other's presence in such close proximity, the certainty that they still had one another despite such a big scare, for as long as they wanted.

It took Jared a few more days to confess to his lover that only Jensen ever had the right to take him without paying and by Jared's will.

"The fact… I don't know. I let them have me, and it feels like a betrayal, somehow," he added, "like I betrayed you and you shouldn't want me anymore, because I've gone and given them the one thing that was only yours."

"Love, I don't see it like that. Not at all. There was a price, just like when you slept with McManus to be freed, but it was the biggest one this time. Your life was in the balance. So don't worry about this privilege you granted me. It's still mine, and I feel like the richest man for it."

Jared had a hard time coming to terms with this, though, and Jensen, already spending as much time as possible with his lover, racked his brain to find something to distract him that wouldn't involve his job or politics. Their daughter helped a lot, Jared forcing himself to show liveliness and enthusiasm in her presence, but the depression reappeared as soon as he was left alone while Licia studied and Jensen worked.

They were casually walking down the street after an appointment with Doctor Williams, admiring the unfinished house that a neighbor had begun to restore before the political unrest had the stock exchange crashing and his fortune washed away with it, when Jensen realized this was it. They needed a common project, something they would build together that would show Jared that Jensen put his faith and love in him more than ever.

"We should build our house," he proposed without thinking it through. "Find some place that we both like, outside of the capital, and have our house built there. Somewhere for the two of us only, and Licia of course, where we will invite only family and a few very close friends. Somewhere to retire at least once a year for a few weeks, to enjoy each other's company without the fuss of the city."

Jensen saw Jared's eyes and face change from one second to the next, from tiredness to interest then delight, already imagining where they would go, what they would create.

Thus began their big project.



Jared opened the door leading to the salon, listening to Jensen and Licia's voices getting louder as he approached. The girl was more and more argumentative - the curse of puberty striking - and she loved nothing more nowadays than a good verbal duel with Jensen. It never failed to amuse Jared to see how proud Jensen looked when he talked about his little girl, telling anyone who listened, and even those who didn't, about Licia's sharp mind and her latest scholastic accomplishment.

"Dad !" Licia cried in joy when she spotted Jared. "Papa got news from Gil, they agreed to the interview !!!"

Jared tried to hide his disappointment. Jensen had been waiting to hear from his boss for two weeks already, Jared the only one not particularly enthused by the prospect. It meant their holidays were about to end.

Ever since Jensen had dropped on him the wonderful idea to build their very own house, Jared's favorite time of the year had been the family holidays. Late spring or early summer, they tried every year to keep some time for themselves. About a month usually, sometimes divided in two parts or more when Jensen's work obligations took precedence.

Their not-so-little house, hidden by a forest of venerable oaks, was alive with the warmth of all the feelings, of all the love that had motivated its construction, and Jared felt like himself between those walls and amongst the trees. He used this free time to rebuild his strength for the upcoming months back at work. Any opportunity was employed to come for shorter weekends, most of the time alone with Jensen while Licia stayed with the Langhams or Jensen's parents, so that they managed for a little while to be once again a couple of fervent lovers, notwithstanding the fact that they had been together for some nine years by now and routine had crept up, here and there, to cement their relationship.

"Please, dad, say that I can go with papa," Licia begged in a tone just as impossible to resist as the pleading eyes Jensen said she had learned from Jared.

Then she took his huge hand, hardly covering it with her much smaller ones, and kissed it.

"Please, dad," she repeated.

"Why would you need to go there too ?" he teased her, exchanging a smile with Jensen over her head.

"Dad ! You know why !" she whined.

He knew, and he approved. The trip would be a fantastic opportunity to speak another language and to discover another lifestyle.

Licia loved languages. Besides her own, which she seemed to enjoy studying more than anything, she already had a very good grasp of two more and planned to add another one to her record in the upcoming year now that Misha had found her a private tutor. Jensen was entirely to blame for this passion in Jared's opinion, because of his habit since Licia's adoption to talk to her in the different languages he had had to learn for his job.

Jensen responded to Jared's silent query with a nod, verifying that he thought the trip to be safe. This was welcome news after the fright of his latest assignment. Jared was taking more and more to heart the fear caused by some of Jensen's dangerous travels, and he didn't hesitate anymore to ask him to step down and let some young, single and fearless journalist do the job in his place. There was no shame in guilting Jensen by reminding him of the fact that his lover and his daughter needed him alive and well, every day of the year.

"The three of us could go," he suggested later to Jensen, while Licia was already asleep and they enjoyed a late-night cuddle in their garden. "Together, as a family. I'll remain incognito and I promise I'll let you and Licia have your private job-related moments."

He had become very good at avoiding potential clients whenever they traveled together. This need to be remarked and admired, so powerful until a few years ago, had slowly deserted him. He still enjoyed the attention but rarely wished nowadays for more than Jensen's admiration.

"Only if we have our own private job-related moments too," Jensen answered with a kiss and a lazy caress on his ass. "And the non-job-related ones right after."

They kissed for a while, between sips of calva and Jensen throwing over them both a light blanket as the night turned cooler.

"So is it okay ? When are we leaving ?"

"Next Monday, if you're sure you want to come. Gil might accompany us. Don't tell my mother or she's going to ask once again when I'll marry him."

Jared's smile disappeared, even though he knew perfectly well this to be an old joke between Jensen and his mother, who was very aware of Jared's importance in Jensen's life and never had a problem with it.

"Hey, don't worry about that," Jensen told him, turning his face to kiss him again, with more amorous intent this time. "You know that I would only ever think of marrying you if I could afford it."

Jensen didn't wait for his answer before he let his hand slide under Jared's pants to stroke his rim, turning the kiss into something even more passionate that had Jared moaning and opening his legs.

Their conversation was never forgotten and it replayed again and again in Jared's mind in the following months.



Jared considered himself semi-retired. As in demand as he might be nowadays, he took only clients he viewed as interesting, ones who could bring in lots of money, or amuse him, or even teach him something new on any kind of topic. His limited availability had turned the opportunity to employ him into a privilege ; his hiring rate soared higher than ever.

Charles Whitfield was one of those interesting clients, cumulating the parts of amuser and teacher. He was a bit of a scoundrel, a charming one, who wore with panache splendid suits, a single blue-green tourmaline stud on his left ear and the matching ring on the opposite hand.

Jared almost felt inadequate next to him, and he happily succumbed to the need to buy a whole new, exciting and fanciful wardrobe. Jensen loved it. Especially the underwear. Especially the very tight ones.

Charles seduced people with enticing stories that rang completely fictional, but so fantastic, so imaginative, populated with such fascinating people that everyone, Jared included, wanted them to be true. Working for him was a delight, a game of seduction going both ways, and Jared always got back home happy and relaxed after their appointments.

He had worked hard on getting himself back to this mindset, learning to leave behind any and all hardships encountered on his way. Most of it anyway. The frightening night at the hands of the fake revolutionaries had left a lot of mental scars, but it had never increased or diminished his disinterest in politics, for Jared had known about men and lust for a long time.

In Jensen's case, though, it had triggered a major faith crisis tied with his dreams for a better world shattered by the image of Jared raped by people he could have called brothers in arms. He had struggled for a long while to reconcile his beliefs and the violent attack he had witnessed.

Jared had made it his mission to help his lover out of this bottomless pit of remorse and self-hate for encouraging sedition and not being there to protect Jared afterwards - looking back, Jared realized it had been far easier at that time to focus on Jensen's pain than deal with his own - by trying to get Jensen to write an article about his feelings and his impotent rage. Not something intended to be published, but a process to clarify his ideas and maybe find a bit of faith again. And then, for the first time, Jensen's pen had betrayed him.

So Jared had given him time and space. He had let him work through his jumbled thoughts, reminding him now and then that faith, as a matter of fact, could be put just as easily in their own family. This was where Jared had found his own peace and he liked to think this was also the main reason why Jensen had finally managed to accept the loss of what he called his political innocence to come to terms with the sometimes cruel distance between a beautiful ideal and its human rendition.

To enroll Charles' unwitting help appeared like a good idea in the project to finish getting Jensen back on his feet. It came to Jared when his client caught his attention more than ever by talking about treasury bonds during a dinner with a friend. The discussion did not reveal much, other than Charles was definitely hatching a scheme.

The first time Jared had heard about those bonds, Jensen was mentioning them for an article he could recall well enough. "The treasury bonds issued by the newly elected government are meant to gather fluid assets sorely needed for the ongoing reconstruction of our society. It's our duty, as republicans, to help as much as possible in this endeavor. The country needs more schools and hospitals, roads and rails. We will only get them if we finance them." Jared had done his duty, buying bonds for the family and to show Jensen that he trusted their political leaders. Then Jensen had learned that a fifth of the bonds already printed had vanished, along with the master print.

And now Charles, who had already been convinced five years prior of a fraudulent scheme by garnering constant new investments to pay his previous investors' returns up to the day it all crashed down, gave all the signs of preparing a wicked plan designed to forge bonds and run away with the money.

Jensen agreed readily to talk with his client on the occasion of a falsely accidental meeting one night in a restaurant. As Jared introduced the two men, he realized the enormity of his action : for the first time, Jared had voluntarily brought Jensen to his client, or vice versa. He had willingly broken his number-one rule, and he knew he would do it again in a heartbeat to help Jensen's investigations.

When word got out that Jared had ratted out a client, his career would take a hit. And he just couldn't bother enough to look like he cared.

Jensen suggested that they all eat together and Jared agreed enthusiastically, although he didn't like much the look of pure lust shining in Charles' eyes whenever they were on Jensen, not any more than the show of charm and mutual interest displayed by his lover. Dinner was a fantastic experience anyway, the three of them competing in a battle of wits, all of them aware of the others' real reasons for being here and finding pleasure in trying to outwit them and get information.

Jensen won at this game. He learned enough through Charles' entertaining lies to pursue his investigation and help the police find out what had become of the master print. If Jared was sad to see Charles end up in prison again, he felt better for protecting many people's savings from his fraud.

Life went back to its normal course. What passed for normal in Jared's life anyway, knowing that with his new understanding of how little his job now meant to him, Jared couldn't stop thinking about quitting, once and for all.

And maybe marry his lover, if only to make Jensen's mother happy.



Jared had hoped for a letter from Jensen after five days of silence but although the return address was located right back in the capital, the sender happened to be Misha. Unusual occurrence, that had Jared's heart skipping a beat, suddenly afraid the missive would bring bad news.

My dear friend Jared,

Sadly, my reason for reaching out to you this time isn't a happy one. Jensen's father passed away yesterday. It was swift and mostly painless for him, but this unexpected departure leaves a giant hole his family is of course struggling to fill right now.

I know your loving friend won't write himself and ask for your support, for fear of messing with your affairs. But you know him as I do : he's hurting, trying to deal with everything at once, alone ; being there for his mother and the rest of the family, while I'm sure he could just as well use a shoulder to lean on for a while, as long as it's yours. Mine has been ceremoniously thanked and sent back home.

Which is why, my dear Jared, I'm asking very clearly if there's any way for you to be back in the capital in a very near future, rather than by the end of the season. It was my honor to be a privileged witness, so many times over the years, to the special relationship you and our mutual friend share, that beautiful bond and the trust that go both ways. The question is, does Jensen fully realize the length you're prepared to go for him ?

I don't think he does, and that's why I took the liberty to write in his place. Now would be the ideal time to show him.

Misha

Jared felt astounded. There was no question in Misha's letter, he knew Jared would want to be there for Jensen.

And God ! How much did he want to be out there already ! The letter had taken three days to reach him. Even if he left right now, it was dubious Jared could be in time to stand by Jensen's side during the funeral.

He needed so badly to be there.

He would pack a small travel bag and leave Chadwick behind to gather his stuff, take the first train back home and fly right back to Jensen to support him, lend him his considerable force, his boundless love, anything to make him feel even marginally better in this terrible moment.



Jared's past two months on the Lagoona had been quite pleasant and if it wasn't for the fact that he was so far away from his family and missing them like crazy, he probably would have called his time here one of the best deals of his life as a courtesan. His hesitation to take on the job offered by the young and shy man who had asked to meet him in his Vaporous Boudoir had been quickly overthrown after some quick research had shown that Eric Johnson, inventor suddenly turned billionaire, could become a very legitimate client.

As it happened, Eric was so out of his depth amongst royalties and celebrities vacationing on the Lagoona and exhibiting their wealth that Jared felt the need to take the younger man under his wing and show him the world. They dined, they wined, they danced and played at the casinos. A great time was had by all, and Jared realized after he announced his imminent departure that Eric's feelings for him went far deeper than requested by a commercial exchange.

"Is it marriage you want ?" Eric wondered. "Because I can offer it to you. You and I, Jared, we're good together. Best sex I've ever had ! We could have a sweet life."

Jared stood gaping at Eric and his out-of-left-field proposition.

He had worked so many years for such an offer, and it couldn't come at a worst moment. He didn't have time to deal with this.

"Eric, it's so very generous of you, and I can't thank you enough. But this is not what I'm after. It's very simple. My friend needs me. I have to go."

"Even if I decide to end our contract."

"Even then. Some people are way more important than the best job out there."

"Alright. I can't say I'm not disappointed but I hope you and your "friend" will be very happy, Jared."

As painful as it felt to watch Eric's regrets and sadness, Jared had forgotten about it in the next few minutes.

They agreed to terminate the contract after Jared mentioned he had no idea when, and if, he would be able to come back. He was ready to stay with Jensen for however long he'd need him after such a devastating loss.

By the end of their discussion, Chadwick was back from the station with a train ticket for Jared and another one for himself later on, as well as the assurance that he would follow Jared no later than the next day with all his remaining stuff. His valet collected a few essential items for his return home, as well as food for the duration of the trip, and he accompanied Jared to make sure his distraught master caught the right train on time. It felt like baby-sitting to Jared, but it made him think about the kind of help Jensen would need from him.

His lover was a proud man, one who thrived on taking charge and would certainly not appreciate being turned back into a child because he had just lost his beloved father. On the contrary, Misha had made very clear in his letter that Jensen had already taken on the parent's role. Jared would have to dose the amount of support he was going to lend to Jensen, know when to be there and when to let him cry by himself.

They tended to share pretty much everything these days, but Jared would make sure to shut up about Eric's marriage proposal. It would only hurt Jensen and make him worry, even if Jared assured him that he never imagined saying yes.

He had been offered marriage.

He still couldn't believe it. Even with time now to think about it, the proposal felt strange, unreasonable. Wrong opportunity, wrong place, wrong person. Eric was a nice guy, a pleasant client, but that was it.

Marriage was about so much more than security and money. Life was about much more than security and money. Jensen had taught him that all these past years.

It was becoming impossible to hide from the fact that there would only be one marriage proposal Jared would ever accept.



He made it in time, if only barely. He had sent a telegram to Misha, informing him he was getting onto a train and would be back in the capital by the next morning. At the end of the long, boring and tiring trip, Misha had a chauffeur waiting for him at the railway station, who took him back home to change quickly into an outfit better suited for the occasion and then drove him straight to the cemetery.

Jensen had no words when he saw him. But the look of relief on his face was telling, just enough for Jared to understand he had been right to let everything else go to be with his lover right now.

They took the time to hug for a while, Jensen's face buried in Jared's neck with his tears falling freely under his collar, and then stood side by side during the ceremony, Jensen refusing to detach his hand when Jared tried to make a place for the rest of the family. It didn't seem to bother anyone, though. A crying Licia firmly wedged between them, Jensen's little sister took Jared's other hand, while Jensen's mother stood on the other side, next to her son, now the head of the Ackles family.

They all made him feel a part of this, although Jared had never met them as much as he would have, had Jensen and he engaged in a more regular relationship. But on the rare occasions he did, Jared had seen where Jensen had gotten his ideals, as well as his good looks and nicety. The Ackles belonged to the small bourgeoisie but their doors were always opened to everyone, Jared included. They judged people only over facts - and Jensen claimed he had learned from them the virtue of investigation instead of believing the first person who spoke - especially their willingness to make this world a better place for every man and woman, and not only themselves.

Ackles senior was kind of aloof on a first impression, but he had never made Jared feel any less than welcome. He acknowledged without words the place Jared occupied in his son's life, the feelings tying them together.

"He loved talking with you," Jensen told him one night, about a week after the burial. "He loved your quick mind and your constant happiness."

"I wasn't sure if he approved of our relationship," Jared answered. "I thought he might have preferred to see you married to a nice woman, with a few children already."

"He preferred to see me happy with the man I love."



- Listen to the music -

"I'm so glad you dragged me here," Jensen whispered in Jared's ear. "Gil's a good friend, and an even better boss, but I was getting tired of the all-nighters."

Jared's jealousy flared without missing a beat at this announcement. Having faith in Jensen didn't mean he had no reason to be scared of the concurrence. And Gil sure felt to him like the wolf in the sheep's den. Jensen and he worked together almost every day, shared so many interests and a fierce desire for the world to become a place where all men could live as brothers. The constant changes brought by the revolution pulled them along in a meeting of minds and hopes that Jared feared his love would never rival.

This feeling of inadequacy next to Gil partly stemmed from the fact that the aristocrat-turned-editor had never asked to sleep with him. Jared had wondered for so long about that, imagining that maybe Gil had hired him to see what kept Jensen tethered to his courtesan. Even Jensen's admission about asking his friend to do it in an attempt to help Jared get back on his feet hadn't reassured him completely. Jared's skill at reading looks told him more than he wished to know about Gil's feelings for Jensen.

He would not tell Jensen about it, though. Better to distract him from the other man's crush and everything they had been through in the past few years.

Jared had taken Jensen to the musette balls early in their relationship and they loved nothing more for a good time in public than dancing in this environment where they could be spontaneous and show their love for each other with heated kisses and risqué embraces among people who couldn't care less about propriety. Jared far preferred that kind of entertainment and music to the pompous balls where his protectors liked to show him off. These were the kind of amusements he grew up with, the ones that felt true and important to him.

The piano announced the next number, quickly joined by the accordion. The rhythm had slowed down a bit for this wordless song and Jensen pulled Jared closer to him for a slow oscillation, slower than the song's cadence, leaving Jared acutely aware of the way their bodies touched, of Jensen's lips following a fantasy trail along Jared's neck.

Jensen began to hum in his ear, in time with the singer. The sound sent shivers right through Jared's whole body. Tonight's artist was one of their favorites, one with a really nice voice, but Jensen's resonated deeper for Jared, touching something profoundly inside of him, an echo of a primal thirst to belong and be owned right now by his man.

The singer cracked a joke that had Jensen and most of the audience laughing but Jared, head laid on Jensen's shoulder, didn't hear more than the rumble of his lover's joy. He made his hold tighter, vaguely conscious of the people singing around him. The magical atmosphere, bathed in the low light of the multicolored papier-mâché lampions of the open-air café, was enhanced by the night's sweetness and the general crooning indicative of a pleasant mood.

"Love that song," Jensen murmured. "Feels like you, melodious and heady. Beautiful. It stays in your head forever and makes you happy."

The tremors of the clapping around them as people thanked the band on stage for the good time didn't disrupt their gentle swaying and Jared shivered under Jensen's spell.

The rhythm picked up again for the next song but the two lovers never moved away from each other. Though they complied with the lyrics when the singer asked to be kissed again and again by his lover, they kept swaying far, far slower than the music required. They needed the closeness, the feeling of love and passion going from one to the other ceaselessly.

If anyone had recognized them, no patron had said a word or made them feel at odds. Both of them had dressed simply to blend in. Here, Jared didn't need the alluring trademark suits. He stopped being Jared Padalecki, famous courtesan, and went back to being Jared, Jensen's lover. It showed in the tight yet simple black trousers and white shirt he wore, only adorned by a large deep-blue belt, perfect complement to Jensen's own outfit. And as they swirled around the dance floor, lost in kisses and caresses, no spectator could tell who led or who followed.

They abandoned themselves to the rhythm for hours, tiredness forgotten in favor of the endless pleasure, until the first rays of dawn pierced the sky and Jensen dragged Jared towards the nearby dark bushes to go down on his knees and prepare Jared for love.

Jared gave himself to the feeling of Jensen's fingers breaching his rim, caressing his inner wall, making love to his prostate. When Jensen finally entered him, Jared's eyes opened again to take in the beautiful lampions visible over the bushes and shrubs, his heart filled with the same joy they evoked, the soft glow they emitted casting a sensation of peace and warmth all around.

As he moaned and got closer to orgasm with each new thrust from his lover, Jared knew this was the life he wanted to enjoy and protect forever.



Jared had stopped working after his return from the Lagoona. Eric was a good conclusion to his career, his marriage offer the proof that Jared had succeeded and could now put that part of his life to rest.

Jensen never mentioned his availability, probably afraid that Jared would take it as the sign that he was ready to be left alone, the hardest part of his grieving now behind him.

But Jared was really done. He had so much money, hidden in different banks throughout the country as well as abroad to make sure a coup d'état wouldn't spoil him of all his earnings at once, that he felt ashamed at times to be so well-off. Not enough, though, to get rid of it.

Sure, no one knew about Eric's offer, but Jared had surprised himself to realize he didn't need anyone's validation anymore. All he needed was to make sure Jensen would be his forever.

This tectonic shift, deep inside himself, it felt so huge ; as if the whole world would be able to get the same sensation, just because Jared had suddenly recognized he was not the same man anymore.

Unless it was just his priorities that had shifted. But Jared felt quite sure by now that being in love didn't mean giving up on his freedom. It meant adjusting, mixing, leading, following, offering, receiving. Sharing your load and taking it off the shoulders of the man you loved.

He was certain Jensen felt the same about it, but he'd never take the last step for the very reason he had given in jest a few months earlier, his impossibility to afford someone as high-maintenance as Jared.

Jared had to be the courageous one here and propose. Right now, to avoid losing courage.

"Jensen, marry me," Jared calmly proposed.

"Excuse me ?" Jensen almost squeaked in reply.

"You heard me. Jensen Ackles," he continued, putting a knee on the floor, "please say that you love me and that you'll spend the rest of your life as my lawful husband, just as I love you and want to live with you forever."

"But… What of your job ? Your liberty ? Your will to make as much money as possible, for as long as you're able to work, to be sure you'll never lack for anything ?"

Jared tried to answer but Jensen went on too quickly for him.

"I make a good wage, enough to have us both living the easy life if you were anyone else, but nothing that can match your usual way of life. You'd be bored so quickly, living with me at all times."

"We've been doing nothing but that for months now, love."

"Maybe, but you knew it would come to an end sooner or later. Marrying me would put a definitive end to your career as a courtesan. You know I would never accept you sleeping with other men if you were mine."

"As it should be, and just like I would never accept you sleeping with anyone else either."

"Jared, I can't ask you to wait for me at home like a good househusband, not after the hectic life you've led."

"Yes, you can. Because there's a very simple solution to this problem : I will help with your work, just like I've done so many times already over the years. I can't get bored if I'm writing articles with you, or helping with the research."

Jensen kept looking at him, undecided, and Jared stood up again.

"I've thought about my proposal long and hard, love. It's not a caprice. I know I often put you after my needs, but I've changed so much in the time we've been together. I've moved on, and a lot of that is thanks to you and your help during the last ten years. I'm not frightened anymore of what I'd miss, but who. After working on this for so long, I know I'm ready."

"Really ? You asked me once to be patient with you and I agreed. I'm not going to go back on my word if you need more time."

Jared smiled fondly. That promise had been made more than five years ago. But Jared was not surprised that time didn't matter to him ; Jensen was that kind of man, and Jared loved him even more for it.

"And you wonder why I want to marry you ? You're the best thing that ever happened to me, you have to know that. The best man I ever met, the only one I've ever loved. I've wanted to marry you for a long while, I just needed both of us to be committed, and I know we are now."

"I want to, Jared, you have to know that, but…"

Jared prevented the next argument by kissing Jensen and reminding him of another reason why they needed to be together. Jensen's glazed eyes showed his acceptance of Jared's win when they came back for air.

"Okay," Jensen agreed. "I'll marry you, since you ask so nicely."

Jared's delighted cry of joy was muffled when he went back for another batch of hot kisses.

"Where are we going to live ?" Jensen asked, much later.

"Either here in your house, or we'll find a new, bigger one to fit us all, servants included. I'm not letting go of Chadwick and Sophia."

"Of course you're not, but what about your house ?"

"I've sold it," Jared announced, as unconcerned as if saying that the sky was blue.

Jensen stared at him, maybe trying to decide whether this was a joke or the truth.

"You sold your house ?" he repeated. "The one you've spent millions on, turning it into a kind of palace with years of improvement ?"

"That very house, and I got my millions back by selling it."

"Who did you sell it to ?" Jensen inquired, still clearly unsure.

"The Ministry of the Navy."

"The government bought the house of a courtesan to host its Navy offices," Jensen said, nonplussed, and then he burst into laughter.

"Omundson, right ?" he asked once he had calmed down. "He always was a bit of a diva."

"Right. The minister and I had a very genuine, very interesting conversation a short while back at Aliénor's. He reminded me of his attendance at a few of my Padarties, at a time when he couldn't afford to buy me, not beyond my very appreciated public stripteases, and he had to watch "smug old royalist fossil" Pileggi, as my client of the moment, be the guest of honor of the receptions in my gorgeous house. He added that this was a sad time when he was finally able to pay for my service but I seemed to have closed shop. On the spur of the moment, I told him that I may not be on the market anymore, but my house was. The idea seduced Omundson right away. Not even a full week had passed before we signed the deal. And now we can afford the house we want for the both of us."

Jensen took Jared's hands in his.

"Are you sure you won't miss it ? You put so much time and care into this."

"Never as much as I did for our own country house. I told you from the beginning, it didn't reflect who I was, only who I was supposed to be to please my clients. It was beautiful, and I'm glad to know other people will enjoy it from now on, but we don't need this."

"So you've really decided to quit," Jensen seemed to accept the fact at last. "You're ready to live in a much simpler, bourgeois house with outbuildings, with a husband and a teenage kid, the in-laws trying to weigh in on your every decision, Wallace all insulted and bickering because Chadwick's pranking the man all the time just to get a rise out of him. This will be so different from what you wanted your life to be when we met."

"I think I had a dream, but never the necessary drive to make it as big as some of my colleagues. Not since I met you anyway, and never for the right reason. I was always torn between the job and you. I've always known who would win ultimately, but I fooled myself for a long while, imagining I had built a solid partition between you and the job, that I didn't think about you when I entertained clients. Every time I'd slip - and believe me, I slipped a lot - I'd call it an exception. But the truth is that you've been in my thoughts since the beginning, whatever the time of day, the occasion or the place. You've been my real drive for such a long time that I'm not sure getting married will look that different for either of us."

"You didn't need any drive for the job. You've always glowed brighter than any other courtesan."

Jared thanked him with a smile and a gentle kiss.

"I assure you, there's no need to worry about me and my decision. I won't regret it, and I'm quitting while I'm ahead. They'll all remember me at the top of my glory, the most beautiful courtesan mankind has ever seen. Kind of a good retirement benefit, it seems," Jared finished smugly.

"You're a man, love. Chances are, you'll get more and more beautiful with age and maturity and you could still be the most sought-after courtesan in ten years or more. That's what I see every time I wake up next to you."

Jared paused, and then his hands came up to cup his lover's face.

"Don't think for one second that the same rule doesn't apply to you. And I want to keep waking up every morning next to you. To be able to attend any and all soirée you're invited to, not choose my clients over you because work has to come first. To leave with you and Licia on your work trips for months if need be. I want us three to be a family that no one will be allowed to separate. Trust me, love. I know what I want and money is not an issue. Even if you were not able to provide for both of us, even before I sold the house, I've made enough money to last us two or three lifetimes."

Jensen leaned down, ill at ease, and he stroked the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm not the jealous type. Not about who you've been sleeping with for the job, anyway. It's just that… every time I remember you offered yourself to so many other men during your career, I can't help but wonder if I'll ever be enough for you. I told you, Jared, this is my limit. There's no marriage for me outside of the utmost fidelity."

It hurt Jared, so much, to see Jensen's breaking point with such clarity now. His worst fear. The one thing he had told Jared on their first date. Would I ever be enough for you ? Not in such explicit words, maybe, but the intention was there already. Jared was finally able to answer positively and be sure he meant it.

He didn't need anyone or anything else anymore. He had made peace with himself, knew his own value didn't stem from how much money he was able to take from others. His needs had shifted over the years, and he was at a place in his life where all he needed was the man he loved. At last. This incredible man who had put up for so long with Jared's fears and needs, always placing his own desires after his lover's, because love was as natural to him as air and water.

"I guess the good thing about you quitting is that I won't have to fight anymore against your crazy clients," Jensen smiled. "I hear the government has decided to forbid duels anyway."

"Right, another good reason. Not to mention that as your husband I won't let you put your life in danger that way anymore."

With a kiss, and then another one, the deal was sealed. Every detail of their wedding they agreed on was punctuated by more kisses, until words segued into caresses and they forgot about making plans.

Telling their family could wait for a few more hours. There would come a time to announce the engagement officially, to choose best men and wedding bands, to authorize the world to invade partly their bubble of happiness. Now was not that time.



Jensen and Jared's marriage remained a simple affair, attended only by their family and close friends. Jared's only regret had to do with Anita's absence but his sister managed to send him a short unsigned missive to offer her congratulations and best wishes.

Many socialites tried to get invited but they could only claim to be seen at the reception offered by the newlyweds after they were back from their honeymoon. Some of them cackled that, after a ten-year-long engagement period, the trip far away was intended to hide the fact that the old lovers preferred to enjoy the views rather than steam up the bedroom.

Jensen let it go as usual, proud to be able to call himself a husband after all this time, and to show off the man he had finally snatched away from everyone else. Jared was more annoyed, mostly on Jensen's behalf, and he proceeded to display his love in the most outrageous manner in front of all his guests. He had no trouble doing so ; just like their first, unofficial honeymoon some eight years ago, the second one had definitely enhanced their relationship and they both felt like they were still walking on clouds.

Jared ultimately learned to ignore in his turn all the jealous people and the naysayers. Married life looked good on him, and whenever he felt some part of his previous life as a loss, he found ways to bring it back in the new one and share it with Jensen. His dinners quickly became popular, a fine table at which elegant people and erudite persons sat with pleasure. They came for Jensen at first, and maybe to witness what all the fuss was about the couple of the year, but soon Jensen helped them appreciate that Jared was as much of a draw in the intellectual or savory discussions that inevitably took place late into the night.

Jared feared he would make a fool of himself for a while, but Jensen's encouragements pushed him to use his mind, like a muscle he had forgotten how to exercise for too long, or used in a far too selective way. It felt good to be able to show he was not only a great lay, to debate his arguments without the need to back off in time to avoid pissing off a client. It felt even better to be admired by other people for it, and more than ever by his very own husband.

Together, they learned to count on each other, to share time and activities. Jensen had always respected Jared's insight into other people's character and motivations, which had led to his asking for Jared's opinion about his articles. The dinner debates showed him that Jared could still be a great help to make people talk freely, even out of his courtesan capacity. Slowly, more officially than ever before, Jared turned into a journalist's assistant. He continued to proofread his husband's pieces and books, but he also alerted him to interesting topics and new ideas.

It went on so smoothly that after a few years Gil offered Jared a job at the Gazette - probably on Jensen's proposition, but still Jared's pride had never climbed that high. His unpaid task thus became an official role. Jared had the contacts and the knowledge, not to mention the socializing skills, to introduce Jensen everywhere or collect data and interviews by himself. There would always be some dickheads refusing to talk to a former prostitute, but most people were rather nice. As if getting married had somehow erased his past by making him an honest man. Even though those nice dispositions sometimes went to the point of trying to seduce him back to his old profession.

Jared smirked and thanked them for showing interest before he went back to work. He had known how to deal with amorous men for so many years, and brandishing his married status helped to convince the most fervent would-be clients to abandon any hope. Rare were those who insisted beyond this point, especially when Jared let them fear a very public mention of their lewdness in the Gazette.

Being married and working with your husband also meant that they could take Licia with them whenever their travels didn't take them to dangerous places. Their daughter thrived then, passionately imitating her parents and begging to help with the job, even in her limited abilities. She probably learned right there, under the watchful eye of Jensen and Jared, to use her prettiness and charm to make people too confident to hide better their dirty little secrets. She also watched how powerful a weapon flattery could become on the right target. She admired Jensen talking interviewees round and bringing them where he needed, teaching her where to look for the information he wanted.

Jared rode along all those formative years, bringing to the table everything he had learned, and he couldn't love his life more than when he felt they had accomplished something together.



Dad's letter was waiting for her when Licia arrived at the little guesthouse where she was renting a room for the duration of her trip. She missed her parents so much, far from them for more than two months now. She also kind of wanted to meet again, properly this time, the new journalist at the Gazette she had bumped into on her last visit as she was hurrying to her editor's office…

She loved her job, just as much as she loved traveling, but the separation was hard to take for a young woman so close to her family. Now she got why her papa had often said in the past that, as the years went by, it proved more and more difficult to leave dad and her behind whenever he had to travel for a long while.

My darling Licia,

Sweetheart, Jensen and I have been so impressed to read your interview of the Red Tycoon ! Jensen said he wished he had your talent at the same age. You made him so proud !

I've bought all the Gazettes to be found in the capital that Jensen hadn't snatched already and sent your article to all our friends and acquaintances. People stop me in the street, neighbors and strangers alike, to tell me they've read it, how much they admired your style and your analysis of this leading character. They all loved it !

I can't wait for you to come back home so that we can have a small party to celebrate this.

And then maybe we'll have another one, to celebrate something else. You know Jensen has been pushing me forever to "ride alone" at last but unlike you I could never gather enough courage. Remnants of my dissipated past, insults from clients I took to heart, certainty of never being quite good enough, despite Jensen's encouragements and faith. I was sure my place was in helping or researching, but that I could never write alone.

Until yesterday, that is. Never doubt it, you definitely inspired me. Jensen played his part when he refused to write anything about our last trip, not even to share the credit, claiming it was my turn. He simply told me to write for the Gazette as I've been writing to him for so many years, whenever we've been apart.

It was such a joy to let the words come to me and permanently mark the sheet of paper. This was yet another freedom your father offered me, and I still feel like I'm flying today. Did you get that same feeling the day your first book was published ? Like you had made it, against all odds. The battle was over, and you stood waiting for the next one, confident in your ability to win, again and again. Confident that even a failure could never keep you down for long, because you knew what you're truly made of and you've got the scars to prove it.

There's a short list of major dates I keep close to my heart. My founding dates, I call them : the day I met you, the day I met Jensen. Now I feel I can add the date when my first article was published : the day I met myself.

After a long life detour, it seems Jared Padalecki is finally complete - as complete as he can be in the present time at the very least. Ready to show it to the world. I guess it's well worth a party, isn't it ?

I look forward to your return, darling. You know I don't like it when I can't hug you regularly and remind you how much I love you. So come back home soon and travel safe. Your papa sends his love too.

Your loving dad.

Felicia put the letter down and took the article her dad had included out of the envelope. His signature below the title rushed the tears that fell from her eyes and everything blurred, rendering her unable to read.

She didn't care right now. The important part was that Jensen had finally succeeded, and Licia didn't need to see him to know how overjoyed he felt right now for Jared. How proud and happy. Probably just as much as Jared.

There was a lesson to remember here, Licia thought. Life might take its time, and yet the best was always to come.

~~~~~~FIN~~~~~~