Fight
Fight off your demons.
It's the website of one of my favorite bands, Brand New. It's a phrase they use frequently. And it's something that's been running through my head recently.
I haven't even been officially diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome yet, but it's already depressing me. I just didn't need to hear I have another rare, incurable illness, even if it's only probably right now. The idea that I might feel this tired and unwell for the rest of my life is incredibly discouraging. Not to mention already having the whole kidney thing to deal with. I kept thinking how it wasn't fair that I had to deal with one on top of the other.
And so what, life isn't fair. But we all want it to be, don't we?
I am often inclined to give up in the face of adversity. It's where I tend to go most naturally. And for a while, in the face of having one more evil health issue to combat, I didn't even want to try. There are many theories about things that may help both problems, but I have seen few results for myself, and have seen other people going through similar problems have even fewer. Sometimes it feels silly to fight, and keep trying to make it better, when it seems so sure to fail.
But today I woke up and decided I wasn't done fighting yet. Part of this has to do with emotional changes within me... problems which feel overwhelming and impossible to overcome, but which I have realized I'm not done combating yet. Even though I don't feel like I'm getting very far, even though it costs a lot of time and money and energy to keep at it. I'm not ready to quit yet.
And I'm not ready to give up fighting these physical problems yet either.
I am exhausted. I am cranky. I wish very much I didn't have to deal with any of these things. But I have decided I have a little bit of spunk left.
And this feeling of inspiration won't last forever... I'll be back to whining and complaining again, probably sooner than later. But for the moment, I am mentally preparing myself for the road ahead.
It's the website of one of my favorite bands, Brand New. It's a phrase they use frequently. And it's something that's been running through my head recently.
I haven't even been officially diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome yet, but it's already depressing me. I just didn't need to hear I have another rare, incurable illness, even if it's only probably right now. The idea that I might feel this tired and unwell for the rest of my life is incredibly discouraging. Not to mention already having the whole kidney thing to deal with. I kept thinking how it wasn't fair that I had to deal with one on top of the other.
And so what, life isn't fair. But we all want it to be, don't we?
I am often inclined to give up in the face of adversity. It's where I tend to go most naturally. And for a while, in the face of having one more evil health issue to combat, I didn't even want to try. There are many theories about things that may help both problems, but I have seen few results for myself, and have seen other people going through similar problems have even fewer. Sometimes it feels silly to fight, and keep trying to make it better, when it seems so sure to fail.
But today I woke up and decided I wasn't done fighting yet. Part of this has to do with emotional changes within me... problems which feel overwhelming and impossible to overcome, but which I have realized I'm not done combating yet. Even though I don't feel like I'm getting very far, even though it costs a lot of time and money and energy to keep at it. I'm not ready to quit yet.
And I'm not ready to give up fighting these physical problems yet either.
I am exhausted. I am cranky. I wish very much I didn't have to deal with any of these things. But I have decided I have a little bit of spunk left.
And this feeling of inspiration won't last forever... I'll be back to whining and complaining again, probably sooner than later. But for the moment, I am mentally preparing myself for the road ahead.