When I Played the Gentleman
We were driving back from Cedar Rapids tonight, and something in the discussion was mentioned about school buses, and suddenly I was pulled back and I saw myself at fourteen, on the bus back from my eighth grade field trip to St. Louis. The sun was going down, and the two girls in the seats near me decided to catch some sleep. I even now remember their names--Beth and Rebecca. Rebecca had been my first-ever crush, all the way back in first grade, and Beth...well, on that evening at the end of May I had not yet made the blunder that would force my exile only a few months later.
They dozed off in the twilight, and I sat there, awake and watching over them. I don't even know what I was on guard for, but I did know that that was what I had to do, regardless of how weird and awkward they considered me to be. I just turned on my CD player, let the night fall over the land, and turned to see they were all right every few minutes. They never even knew I did it, but surely it would've weirded them out.
I see know that I've followed a long road since then. I was naive enough to play the gentleman without caring what people thought. I think I know when that started to change, too, though I refuse to talk about it.
Now, I try to play the gentleman and the girls I know flinch away, or at least I feel certain they would if I tried to do so, due to reactions I received at various times. They've had their wings damaged by the careless, and they've come to expect the same carelessness. I want to behave in the vein of Orry Main, but time's moved on, and apparently left me in the dust.
I'm no gentleman; I'm just a rogue who has himself convinced that he's a gentleman. A wannabe, in short.
They dozed off in the twilight, and I sat there, awake and watching over them. I don't even know what I was on guard for, but I did know that that was what I had to do, regardless of how weird and awkward they considered me to be. I just turned on my CD player, let the night fall over the land, and turned to see they were all right every few minutes. They never even knew I did it, but surely it would've weirded them out.
I see know that I've followed a long road since then. I was naive enough to play the gentleman without caring what people thought. I think I know when that started to change, too, though I refuse to talk about it.
Now, I try to play the gentleman and the girls I know flinch away, or at least I feel certain they would if I tried to do so, due to reactions I received at various times. They've had their wings damaged by the careless, and they've come to expect the same carelessness. I want to behave in the vein of Orry Main, but time's moved on, and apparently left me in the dust.
I'm no gentleman; I'm just a rogue who has himself convinced that he's a gentleman. A wannabe, in short.