Technical difficulties
I sorta kinda handle IT around here and this is a true-life list of problems and solutions I have encountered in the last six months. Perhaps this brief log will help others whose job it is to do IT troubleshooting.
Report: Efax not working
All faxes sent to user's Efax number for the last six weeks have gone unreceived.
IT Conclusion: User has had the wrong Efax number printed on his business cards. And no, that number is not available.
Report: Entire computer is broken
Computer is displaying a Windows XP logo which moves randomly around the screen. Keystrokes and mouse movements do not affect it.
IT Conclusion: User decided he wanted a wireless keyboard and mouse, and therefore disconnected his existing keyboard and mouse with the computer running, and without installing the new hardware. This is the screen saver.
Report: Everything in my office stopped working
Computer, phone and printer in user's office all stopped working simultaneously.
IT Conclusion: User rearranged her office, unplugged all the cables and plugged them back into different jacks that were wired into different networks.
Report: Computer sounds like it is going to explode
Computer is giving a loud high-pitched chirping noise and will not respond to mouse movements or shut down.
IT Conclusion: User has a file sitting on top of the keyboard holding down all the keys at once.
Report: My computer is possessed.
Mouse cursor is moving randomly around the screen and clicking on random points.
IT Conclusion: User on the other side of the wall has a new wireless mouse that is set to the same channel as this user's wireless mouse. His computer is picking up the movements from the other mouse.
(Note: This one almost caused a fight when neither user was willing to change his wireless channel)
Report: My computer is making a strange noise at random times.
At odd times the power supply begins making a whining noise. This only happens when user is sitting in her chair.
IT Conclusion: User's knee is pressing the machine against the side of her desk and blocking the side fan.
Report: The printer/copier is not working.
User sent a ten page print job to the printer/copier half an hour ago and it has still not printed. He has sent it twenty times now, and can't figure out what's wrong. IT was at lunch.
IT Conclusion: The copier is out of paper. It has a glowing red light that says so on the front and a panel that says to load legal size paper in tray three.
Report: My computer will not interface with my cell phone.
The user has been trying to get her cell phone to connect to her computer using bluetooth for the last few days with no success.
IT Conclusion: The user's computer does not have a bluetooth adapter. But that's OK because neither does her cell phone.
Report: My computer shuts down and reboots itself for no reason.
The user's laptop seems to shut down and reboot itself every two hours or so.
IT Conclusion: It shuts down when the batteries are dead. When user plugs in the charger it comes back on.
Report: My computer is completely broken, nothing works.
The user's computer boots, but takes an inordinate amount of time to do anything and most programs crash when he tries to run them.
IT Conclusion: User has copied over 36gb of music onto his 40gb hard drive. He has less than 1 meg of space remaining.
Report: Faxes to long distance numbers are failing.
All faxes go out except faxes to long distance numbers. Those always fail with "No answer" results.
IT Conclusion: User is not dialing a 1 before the area code.
Report: Email not working
User has not received any email today.
IT Conclusion: Email is functioning. User has no friends.
Report: Efax not working
All faxes sent to user's Efax number for the last six weeks have gone unreceived.
IT Conclusion: User has had the wrong Efax number printed on his business cards. And no, that number is not available.
Report: Entire computer is broken
Computer is displaying a Windows XP logo which moves randomly around the screen. Keystrokes and mouse movements do not affect it.
IT Conclusion: User decided he wanted a wireless keyboard and mouse, and therefore disconnected his existing keyboard and mouse with the computer running, and without installing the new hardware. This is the screen saver.
Report: Everything in my office stopped working
Computer, phone and printer in user's office all stopped working simultaneously.
IT Conclusion: User rearranged her office, unplugged all the cables and plugged them back into different jacks that were wired into different networks.
Report: Computer sounds like it is going to explode
Computer is giving a loud high-pitched chirping noise and will not respond to mouse movements or shut down.
IT Conclusion: User has a file sitting on top of the keyboard holding down all the keys at once.
Report: My computer is possessed.
Mouse cursor is moving randomly around the screen and clicking on random points.
IT Conclusion: User on the other side of the wall has a new wireless mouse that is set to the same channel as this user's wireless mouse. His computer is picking up the movements from the other mouse.
(Note: This one almost caused a fight when neither user was willing to change his wireless channel)
Report: My computer is making a strange noise at random times.
At odd times the power supply begins making a whining noise. This only happens when user is sitting in her chair.
IT Conclusion: User's knee is pressing the machine against the side of her desk and blocking the side fan.
Report: The printer/copier is not working.
User sent a ten page print job to the printer/copier half an hour ago and it has still not printed. He has sent it twenty times now, and can't figure out what's wrong. IT was at lunch.
IT Conclusion: The copier is out of paper. It has a glowing red light that says so on the front and a panel that says to load legal size paper in tray three.
Report: My computer will not interface with my cell phone.
The user has been trying to get her cell phone to connect to her computer using bluetooth for the last few days with no success.
IT Conclusion: The user's computer does not have a bluetooth adapter. But that's OK because neither does her cell phone.
Report: My computer shuts down and reboots itself for no reason.
The user's laptop seems to shut down and reboot itself every two hours or so.
IT Conclusion: It shuts down when the batteries are dead. When user plugs in the charger it comes back on.
Report: My computer is completely broken, nothing works.
The user's computer boots, but takes an inordinate amount of time to do anything and most programs crash when he tries to run them.
IT Conclusion: User has copied over 36gb of music onto his 40gb hard drive. He has less than 1 meg of space remaining.
Report: Faxes to long distance numbers are failing.
All faxes go out except faxes to long distance numbers. Those always fail with "No answer" results.
IT Conclusion: User is not dialing a 1 before the area code.
Report: Email not working
User has not received any email today.
IT Conclusion: Email is functioning. User has no friends.