Bummer Nights
Last night was weird. Aaron was supposed to play a soli-party at Sama Cafe for some antifas in Saxony who trashed a Nazi Party info table. I guess they ended up getting arrested and need some help paying fines and legal bills. Of course Aaron agreed to play a vinyl set. He spent all day picking out records, excited since the venue was so near he could bring more records than normally fit into a DJ bag. We were gonna invite friends over to our place for drinks before the show but suddenly there was a power outage up and down our street, and our street alone.
So we texted everyone not to come over, I took a nap, and Aaron played (acoustic) guitar in the living room. At 11 pm on the dot the power came on. We have a radio-controlled clock so that's how he knows. He thinks the outage was planned somehow. It does seem mega dodgy. Living on this street, you can't help but think sometimes the authori-tays are fucking with you.
Well, finally 2:30 am rolled around and he went to Sama Cafe. I get there a bit later, and he's been there discovering all kinds of neat stuff, like that the mixer is really crappy. Later we find out that it's not the mixer that's the problem, but one of the turntables, which doesn't work. Bummer. There's a couple from Dresden that came to see him . . . but it's a no-go cause of the busted turntable. Plus I didn't see any of my friends.
Everything felt futile. Sometimes I hate being a left-sympathizer, because you end up with this badly disorganized nonsense. It would be really nice to be able to pay off those kids' fines and fees with the power of music, but the reality is that no one's organized enough to make anything happen. I get pissy cause some times at these soli-parties people just seem to want to get drunk and dance (understandable) but then the organizers always ask for such a low cover. I mean really, are you raising money for charity or what? I'm exhausted from my day-to-day responsibilities, but when the time comes I am gonna make all these things I rail about happen. It's not impossible; I was at a fundraiser in November and those people knew how to make shit happen.
Ugh. The winter is ending, I hope. I'm reaching the end of my reserves and feeling rather depleted. I'm trying to see my friends, but in general the world is yet again pissing me off. I just try to be a cunt about the whole thing and let the bullshit roll off my back. What is there to say? On the Aaron side I am ready to bust some heads about minor incidents like the one detailed above, because I've got built up rage about the way people treat him. I repeat over and over and over again, the man works literally 10 and 12 hours a day,** sometimes more. Then he's gone all weekend, and people don't take his work seriously and think that it's Aaron's party time. Woo hoo.
It's tough to keep your skin thick. It makes me want to explode all the time; I pretend to be as normal as possible but I am pretty much seething rage non-stop. Students ask me why I don't improve my German (cause I need to speak English all the time), people insist on speaking English to me even when I answer in German, everyone asks me WHERE I AM FROM, please, people, trust your fucking ears. You can't win. If you answer, you've given in to their assinine curiosity, if you don't, and ignore these twats, there's some fucking problem with you. Everywhere I look I see people in Thor Steinar jackets etc. that make me want to vomit and kill. Everyone asks why I stay in Berlin, then, if I hate it so much. (I don't, actually.) Meanwhile, my home country is in the shitter anyway. But I am building islands of refuge in my mind.
I am retreating into teaching and my own scheming. I am trying to transcend. Luckily, I do have real friends in this world. It's just these random people and people on the periphery that are causing me trouble. The people nearest me are really keeping me sane right now.
I don't want to always be complaining about the same things, but hey, they're still bothering me.
**When I work full days, he's clocked 5 hours in the studio by the time I get home, and usually an extra 4 after I've gone to bed. Add to that the hours between my arrival and our dinner, and then some spots of work post dinner . . . it's a pretty long day.
So we texted everyone not to come over, I took a nap, and Aaron played (acoustic) guitar in the living room. At 11 pm on the dot the power came on. We have a radio-controlled clock so that's how he knows. He thinks the outage was planned somehow. It does seem mega dodgy. Living on this street, you can't help but think sometimes the authori-tays are fucking with you.
Well, finally 2:30 am rolled around and he went to Sama Cafe. I get there a bit later, and he's been there discovering all kinds of neat stuff, like that the mixer is really crappy. Later we find out that it's not the mixer that's the problem, but one of the turntables, which doesn't work. Bummer. There's a couple from Dresden that came to see him . . . but it's a no-go cause of the busted turntable. Plus I didn't see any of my friends.
Everything felt futile. Sometimes I hate being a left-sympathizer, because you end up with this badly disorganized nonsense. It would be really nice to be able to pay off those kids' fines and fees with the power of music, but the reality is that no one's organized enough to make anything happen. I get pissy cause some times at these soli-parties people just seem to want to get drunk and dance (understandable) but then the organizers always ask for such a low cover. I mean really, are you raising money for charity or what? I'm exhausted from my day-to-day responsibilities, but when the time comes I am gonna make all these things I rail about happen. It's not impossible; I was at a fundraiser in November and those people knew how to make shit happen.
Ugh. The winter is ending, I hope. I'm reaching the end of my reserves and feeling rather depleted. I'm trying to see my friends, but in general the world is yet again pissing me off. I just try to be a cunt about the whole thing and let the bullshit roll off my back. What is there to say? On the Aaron side I am ready to bust some heads about minor incidents like the one detailed above, because I've got built up rage about the way people treat him. I repeat over and over and over again, the man works literally 10 and 12 hours a day,** sometimes more. Then he's gone all weekend, and people don't take his work seriously and think that it's Aaron's party time. Woo hoo.
It's tough to keep your skin thick. It makes me want to explode all the time; I pretend to be as normal as possible but I am pretty much seething rage non-stop. Students ask me why I don't improve my German (cause I need to speak English all the time), people insist on speaking English to me even when I answer in German, everyone asks me WHERE I AM FROM, please, people, trust your fucking ears. You can't win. If you answer, you've given in to their assinine curiosity, if you don't, and ignore these twats, there's some fucking problem with you. Everywhere I look I see people in Thor Steinar jackets etc. that make me want to vomit and kill. Everyone asks why I stay in Berlin, then, if I hate it so much. (I don't, actually.) Meanwhile, my home country is in the shitter anyway. But I am building islands of refuge in my mind.
I am retreating into teaching and my own scheming. I am trying to transcend. Luckily, I do have real friends in this world. It's just these random people and people on the periphery that are causing me trouble. The people nearest me are really keeping me sane right now.
I don't want to always be complaining about the same things, but hey, they're still bothering me.
**When I work full days, he's clocked 5 hours in the studio by the time I get home, and usually an extra 4 after I've gone to bed. Add to that the hours between my arrival and our dinner, and then some spots of work post dinner . . . it's a pretty long day.