The July Tour (Complete)
I would say that this tour was mainly focused on: "Partying", "Keeping it real", Trying to figure out what "keeping it real" was, abusing Nyquil and alcohol, "Keeping it avant", finding huge as fuck burritos and trying to survive. Enjoy. I know I did.
July 11th - (supposedly) Madison, Wisconsin
Driving along on I-90 through Chicago we run into traffic that slows us to a speed you barely call a crawl. We were stuck in a sea of pavement, a hot sweaty sea of pavement and little cars. Little cars blasting flamenco. Every now and then we get a break from the Chicago traffic and catch a breeze. Then back to traffic. In one of these fluctuations Jeff decided to read something really interesting on the dash board. Up ahead I could see the break lights come on. Slowly I tried to get his attention. As we barreled, going about fifty mph, at the stopped cars my tone changed to something like "Yo Jeff we're going to HIT THESE FUCKING CARS AND D..." Close to the last second Jeff swerved out of the way and Stephen who had been in the loft wound up in the seat next to me. Later we stopped at a Murry's auto parts store to figure out why our breaks felt fucked up. Apparently the quick swerving/breaking maneuver pulled by Jeff caused our break lines to explode (okay, probably not explode) and we were rapidly losing break fluid. The dude at Murry's gave us directions to an auto repair shop that was closed but said it was "cool" because his "buddy would just come up and do it as a side job". His buddy was "a mexican, but cool as hell." Whatever the fuck that means. We thanked our friend and moved on down the road to meet Eric, the cool as hell mexican. Unfortunately, our Murry's buddy didn't tell us that we needed to bring him parts and we ended up calling it a night in the repair shop's parking lot. Day one, show canceled. All there is to do is eat some burritos.
July 12th - Bloomington, Illinois (Loft party)
Woke up in the van uncomfortably close to dudes. Ah yes, all the familiar scenarios of tour are coming back to me. While our mexican friend is working on the van we decide to walk down the street to Tino's which is a badass Mexican mercado with a huge bakery. I grabbed as many delicious pastries as I could for two bucks and stuffed my face on the sidewalk in this awesome little mexican-town. Finally the van was in working order and we were on our way to Bloomington. No near death experiences this drive. We made it to Sean's loft (The dude from The Dowry) early to meet up with three flights of stairs that were more like a thirty foot ladder. After huffing it against unbearable odds we hung out with Scout's Honor and Brett (our press photo guy who is a total badass by the way) for awhile before the show got started. Jeff bonged a zona on camera for a Empty Orchestra documentary that will probably never get finished. Our label-mate, Tina Sparkle played a straight up rocking set before we were on to play. I was totally nervous, our first real show and despite my own judgment, I'd already had a good buzz. We ended up playing really well but before we could finish our last song the cops shut us down and gave Sean a fifty dollar ticket. We broke down disheartened. After awhile it was settled that we would all chip in for Sean's ticket, throw some mattresses up in the windows and let Scout's Honor rock, cops be damned. Overall it was an awesome time and Brett let John "steal" the rest of the beer.
July 13th - Chicago (Recording with Mark)
Stayed the night at Mark and Michelle's apartment in Chicago. Waking up to that view is probably one of the best parts of tour. Staring down at the rooftops of a city like that is empowering. Or humbling. Or something. Went into the studio to record a new song, "A Wide Spot in the Road". Ate some leftover chinese food, sat around, watched John played Tony Hawk, sat around, wrote my part out, sat around. Finally, around midnight I started recording my parts. It took about twenty minutes. Overall it's a decent song, probably the most country thing Empty Orchestra has done to date. I'm sure Mark will make it sound amazing.
July 14th - Kansas City, Missouri (Return to The Riot Room)
The last time I was in Kansas City the bartender had a personal vendetta out on my liver. Needless to say I was excited for The Riot Room Part 2 (It's a working title). Unfortunately we ended up playing to two people and the bartender this time around didn't seem to worried about destroying my organs. Luckily we still had a few beers in the van and we partied as hard as we could. After watching the last band "Shudder" who sounded like a bunch of kids who watched Rocky Horror Picture Show one too many times (in their defense they played a badass NIN cover), John ended up carrying around a cup of his own piss. "It's funny because you don't know where this is going!" Yes. Please stop waving the cup of piss John. Wait. Where did it go? "See that table of people over there?" Sure enough in the middle of a table surrounded by barscum was a cup of John's piss. He was overjoyed by the idea that someone might mistake it for a beer. It was a strange night.
July 15th - Little Rock, Arkansas (White Water Tavern)
Hung out with Will from American Princes. Awesome dude. The white water tavern was exactly the divebar we should be playing. Some crazy trainhopper carrying a rat on his shoulder. Some girl from an all-girl punk band told us about "Flying Burrito Co." Fucking awesome. Stayed up until four in the morning listening to stories of bar fights, trainhoppers, creepy pool sharks. Good night.
July 16th - Day off for the drive to Texas
Realized today that I haven't had a girlfriend since I've been in Empty Orchestra. It's probably for the best. Empty Orchestra doesn't get pissed off when I don't call for a few days, hang out with other bands or drink too much. Empty Orchestra doesn't mind that I'm out for a few weeks once and awhile. Despite all of these things, I'm sorry Empty Orchestra, you can't fill that void. Like trying to jam a square block in a round hole.
July 17th - Houston, Texas (Walter's On Washington)
Nothing too exciting. Some asshole noise band wasn't happy with their slot so they set up on the floor before us and played. We asked for a place to stay and they told us we should find a residential area under construction. Apparently they turn the water on before they're finished. That will help someday when I'm a bum, but as for the band? Not so much. Ended up sleeping in a parking lot somewhere. Walking up in a van in a parking lot is bad. Walking up in a van in a Texas parking lot is Hell.
July 18th - Dallas, Texas (The Prophet Bar)
I decided to take full advantage of the continental breakfast, unfortunately it didn't have much to offer. Weak. I grabbed a few muffins, a banana and a cup of coffee and sat down for some much needed alone time. A bit of meditation. I felt like Black Coffee Blues Henry Rollins. Not as dismal though. The only other people hanging out in the "breakfast room" (which was more of a hallway with chairs) was a nuclear family. It made me miss my family. Not just my blood family but my garage-dweller family as well. I'm still working on being happy where I am instead of hyping up the idea of being somewhere else. Content on the road. Content when I'm home. Some day maybe. We made it to Dallas with plenty of time for the 7 PM load in time. You win Texas. I can't take this fucking heat. We stopped at some record store that Vince wanted to hit up, I opted to ride to the gas station with Steve. Advice: despite your current feelings, when given an option between two activities, choose the one that you know less about. Turns out Less Than Jake was playing an acoustic show in the record store. Fuck. We waited outside of the venue until 7:50 when they finally opened the doors for us. That was pretty fucking annoying. Then we got to play first to a decent sized crowd that obviously didn't care. Didn't help that there were two other shows going on in the same building. John, Vince and I ended up having some drinks and making the best of a weird time.
July 19th - Austin, Texas (The Red Seven)
In a nutshell: Drank too much. Watched a badass ska band. Don't remember their name. I think I'm in a photo of the audience though. Flush face and bloodshot eyes yelling... something. Someone promised us free beers at another bar and we were off. The streets of Austin were crazy. Flooded with people. Drunk in such an environment helps with perception. No free beers at the bar. Tried to steal Jeff's hat. Failed. Passed out.
July 20th - Day off for the drive to Florida
Woke up drunk, that's a good way to wake up. Usually eases you right back into existence. Not today. As my drunken state wore off it was replaced with depression. I didn't care about anything and anything was worth giving up on. I was sick of music. I was sick of myself. We ended up hanging out at Freebird's burritos and my chemicals slowly reset. We had a fifteen hour drive ahead of us and I planned on driving most, if not all of it. Driving gives me time to think and listen to a few albums. I want to howl like Tom Waits. I want to run like Jack Kerouac. I want to fight and drink like Charles Bukowski. I really only know how to be myself so I guess I'll just keep up with that. Tour is looking better every day but I'm still ready to get home. John and Vince are currently having a burger fiesta. Apparently (and this is the combination of three different stories) John told the woman at the McDonald's drive-thru (in a poor southern accent) that we were a rock group from Flint, Michigan and she ended up loading double cheeseburgers into a bag for us. Too bad only John and Vince eat meat. I got some fries out of the burger fiesta deal. That's pretty alright.
July 21st - Tallahassee, Florida (The Beta Bar)
After part two of the longest drive ever we wound up in Tallahassee at The Beta Bar. At first glance it seemed like a cool place. A few acoustic acts opened up and weren't bad. The first dude owns a record store down the street and ended up buying Stephen's entire catalog. He also had an extended conversation with John about how badass Tom Petty is. After that some band played that sounded like John Mayer with endless wanking. John bought me a few Tres Pistoles, which is a 9% beer made by a brewer in Canada called Unibroue, I believe. It was delicious. It also made it hard to pace myself. We played to basically no one, nothing new. We had a good time and sang a few lines from a twisted sister song on stage.
July 22nd - Gainesville, Florida (The Atlantic)
Out of all the days on tour this was without a doubt the most relaxing. John, Jeff and I went down to the beach. I was a little hesitant to swim in my only pair of shorts. After being in Texas for three days, however, I gave in. It was the single best moment of tour. Swimming in front of rolling waves, (according to Duffy) the detox effect of the salt water, plus the fact that we weren't trapped in a van. After a good amount of sun we crossed the street and hung out in a pool waiting for Jeff's mom. She picked us up and treated us to food and a beer. Awesome. The Atlantic is the bar that everyone in Empty Orchestra was excited to play. It's apparently run by the dudes from No Idea Records, which is indeed pretty badass. We ended up playing first on a line-up of the best bands of the whole tour. It seems pretty rare on Empty Orchestra tours to play with bands that I find interesting. Sometimes it's even rare to play with bands that I find listenable. Florida, if it weren't for the Atlantic (ocean and the bar) I'd be pissed about this wicked sunburn.
July 23rd - Athens, Georgia (Some shitty bar. Jeff gets fucked up on Nyquil.)
Pretty much all evidence of you had been disregarded. I haven't even thought about you in six months or so. Then Laura Veirs comes up on my playlist. What happened? When times are good your unstoppable. When times are bad you just remember how great the good times were. We would sit around at night listening to records. You would sit on the floor making graffiti stencils, I would play guitar. You would go out to work and I would sit at the type writer for hours. We would drive up to the 24 hour coney to sit and talk about nothing. Strange.
Played to two or three people. Jeff got all sorts of fucked up on Nyquil. "Hey. What are those dogs that pull sleds?" Sled-dogs? "No. What kind of dogs?" Huskies? "No. The ones that save skiers?" St. Bernards? "Yeah. This bar smells like St. Bernards." Stayed with some dude named Corey? We stayed in a spare bedroom that was vacant because his roommate was in jail. He called packing peanuts "popcorn". Weird.
July 24th - Louisville, Kentucky (Skull Alley)
Played with a badass band called Max and the Marginalized. Definitely ready to be home. Six hour drive through Ohio, the land of hills, road-fatigue and creepy little Gummo towns.
July 11th - (supposedly) Madison, Wisconsin
Driving along on I-90 through Chicago we run into traffic that slows us to a speed you barely call a crawl. We were stuck in a sea of pavement, a hot sweaty sea of pavement and little cars. Little cars blasting flamenco. Every now and then we get a break from the Chicago traffic and catch a breeze. Then back to traffic. In one of these fluctuations Jeff decided to read something really interesting on the dash board. Up ahead I could see the break lights come on. Slowly I tried to get his attention. As we barreled, going about fifty mph, at the stopped cars my tone changed to something like "Yo Jeff we're going to HIT THESE FUCKING CARS AND D..." Close to the last second Jeff swerved out of the way and Stephen who had been in the loft wound up in the seat next to me. Later we stopped at a Murry's auto parts store to figure out why our breaks felt fucked up. Apparently the quick swerving/breaking maneuver pulled by Jeff caused our break lines to explode (okay, probably not explode) and we were rapidly losing break fluid. The dude at Murry's gave us directions to an auto repair shop that was closed but said it was "cool" because his "buddy would just come up and do it as a side job". His buddy was "a mexican, but cool as hell." Whatever the fuck that means. We thanked our friend and moved on down the road to meet Eric, the cool as hell mexican. Unfortunately, our Murry's buddy didn't tell us that we needed to bring him parts and we ended up calling it a night in the repair shop's parking lot. Day one, show canceled. All there is to do is eat some burritos.
July 12th - Bloomington, Illinois (Loft party)
Woke up in the van uncomfortably close to dudes. Ah yes, all the familiar scenarios of tour are coming back to me. While our mexican friend is working on the van we decide to walk down the street to Tino's which is a badass Mexican mercado with a huge bakery. I grabbed as many delicious pastries as I could for two bucks and stuffed my face on the sidewalk in this awesome little mexican-town. Finally the van was in working order and we were on our way to Bloomington. No near death experiences this drive. We made it to Sean's loft (The dude from The Dowry) early to meet up with three flights of stairs that were more like a thirty foot ladder. After huffing it against unbearable odds we hung out with Scout's Honor and Brett (our press photo guy who is a total badass by the way) for awhile before the show got started. Jeff bonged a zona on camera for a Empty Orchestra documentary that will probably never get finished. Our label-mate, Tina Sparkle played a straight up rocking set before we were on to play. I was totally nervous, our first real show and despite my own judgment, I'd already had a good buzz. We ended up playing really well but before we could finish our last song the cops shut us down and gave Sean a fifty dollar ticket. We broke down disheartened. After awhile it was settled that we would all chip in for Sean's ticket, throw some mattresses up in the windows and let Scout's Honor rock, cops be damned. Overall it was an awesome time and Brett let John "steal" the rest of the beer.
July 13th - Chicago (Recording with Mark)
Stayed the night at Mark and Michelle's apartment in Chicago. Waking up to that view is probably one of the best parts of tour. Staring down at the rooftops of a city like that is empowering. Or humbling. Or something. Went into the studio to record a new song, "A Wide Spot in the Road". Ate some leftover chinese food, sat around, watched John played Tony Hawk, sat around, wrote my part out, sat around. Finally, around midnight I started recording my parts. It took about twenty minutes. Overall it's a decent song, probably the most country thing Empty Orchestra has done to date. I'm sure Mark will make it sound amazing.
July 14th - Kansas City, Missouri (Return to The Riot Room)
The last time I was in Kansas City the bartender had a personal vendetta out on my liver. Needless to say I was excited for The Riot Room Part 2 (It's a working title). Unfortunately we ended up playing to two people and the bartender this time around didn't seem to worried about destroying my organs. Luckily we still had a few beers in the van and we partied as hard as we could. After watching the last band "Shudder" who sounded like a bunch of kids who watched Rocky Horror Picture Show one too many times (in their defense they played a badass NIN cover), John ended up carrying around a cup of his own piss. "It's funny because you don't know where this is going!" Yes. Please stop waving the cup of piss John. Wait. Where did it go? "See that table of people over there?" Sure enough in the middle of a table surrounded by barscum was a cup of John's piss. He was overjoyed by the idea that someone might mistake it for a beer. It was a strange night.
July 15th - Little Rock, Arkansas (White Water Tavern)
Hung out with Will from American Princes. Awesome dude. The white water tavern was exactly the divebar we should be playing. Some crazy trainhopper carrying a rat on his shoulder. Some girl from an all-girl punk band told us about "Flying Burrito Co." Fucking awesome. Stayed up until four in the morning listening to stories of bar fights, trainhoppers, creepy pool sharks. Good night.
July 16th - Day off for the drive to Texas
Realized today that I haven't had a girlfriend since I've been in Empty Orchestra. It's probably for the best. Empty Orchestra doesn't get pissed off when I don't call for a few days, hang out with other bands or drink too much. Empty Orchestra doesn't mind that I'm out for a few weeks once and awhile. Despite all of these things, I'm sorry Empty Orchestra, you can't fill that void. Like trying to jam a square block in a round hole.
July 17th - Houston, Texas (Walter's On Washington)
Nothing too exciting. Some asshole noise band wasn't happy with their slot so they set up on the floor before us and played. We asked for a place to stay and they told us we should find a residential area under construction. Apparently they turn the water on before they're finished. That will help someday when I'm a bum, but as for the band? Not so much. Ended up sleeping in a parking lot somewhere. Walking up in a van in a parking lot is bad. Walking up in a van in a Texas parking lot is Hell.
July 18th - Dallas, Texas (The Prophet Bar)
I decided to take full advantage of the continental breakfast, unfortunately it didn't have much to offer. Weak. I grabbed a few muffins, a banana and a cup of coffee and sat down for some much needed alone time. A bit of meditation. I felt like Black Coffee Blues Henry Rollins. Not as dismal though. The only other people hanging out in the "breakfast room" (which was more of a hallway with chairs) was a nuclear family. It made me miss my family. Not just my blood family but my garage-dweller family as well. I'm still working on being happy where I am instead of hyping up the idea of being somewhere else. Content on the road. Content when I'm home. Some day maybe. We made it to Dallas with plenty of time for the 7 PM load in time. You win Texas. I can't take this fucking heat. We stopped at some record store that Vince wanted to hit up, I opted to ride to the gas station with Steve. Advice: despite your current feelings, when given an option between two activities, choose the one that you know less about. Turns out Less Than Jake was playing an acoustic show in the record store. Fuck. We waited outside of the venue until 7:50 when they finally opened the doors for us. That was pretty fucking annoying. Then we got to play first to a decent sized crowd that obviously didn't care. Didn't help that there were two other shows going on in the same building. John, Vince and I ended up having some drinks and making the best of a weird time.
July 19th - Austin, Texas (The Red Seven)
In a nutshell: Drank too much. Watched a badass ska band. Don't remember their name. I think I'm in a photo of the audience though. Flush face and bloodshot eyes yelling... something. Someone promised us free beers at another bar and we were off. The streets of Austin were crazy. Flooded with people. Drunk in such an environment helps with perception. No free beers at the bar. Tried to steal Jeff's hat. Failed. Passed out.
July 20th - Day off for the drive to Florida
Woke up drunk, that's a good way to wake up. Usually eases you right back into existence. Not today. As my drunken state wore off it was replaced with depression. I didn't care about anything and anything was worth giving up on. I was sick of music. I was sick of myself. We ended up hanging out at Freebird's burritos and my chemicals slowly reset. We had a fifteen hour drive ahead of us and I planned on driving most, if not all of it. Driving gives me time to think and listen to a few albums. I want to howl like Tom Waits. I want to run like Jack Kerouac. I want to fight and drink like Charles Bukowski. I really only know how to be myself so I guess I'll just keep up with that. Tour is looking better every day but I'm still ready to get home. John and Vince are currently having a burger fiesta. Apparently (and this is the combination of three different stories) John told the woman at the McDonald's drive-thru (in a poor southern accent) that we were a rock group from Flint, Michigan and she ended up loading double cheeseburgers into a bag for us. Too bad only John and Vince eat meat. I got some fries out of the burger fiesta deal. That's pretty alright.
July 21st - Tallahassee, Florida (The Beta Bar)
After part two of the longest drive ever we wound up in Tallahassee at The Beta Bar. At first glance it seemed like a cool place. A few acoustic acts opened up and weren't bad. The first dude owns a record store down the street and ended up buying Stephen's entire catalog. He also had an extended conversation with John about how badass Tom Petty is. After that some band played that sounded like John Mayer with endless wanking. John bought me a few Tres Pistoles, which is a 9% beer made by a brewer in Canada called Unibroue, I believe. It was delicious. It also made it hard to pace myself. We played to basically no one, nothing new. We had a good time and sang a few lines from a twisted sister song on stage.
July 22nd - Gainesville, Florida (The Atlantic)
Out of all the days on tour this was without a doubt the most relaxing. John, Jeff and I went down to the beach. I was a little hesitant to swim in my only pair of shorts. After being in Texas for three days, however, I gave in. It was the single best moment of tour. Swimming in front of rolling waves, (according to Duffy) the detox effect of the salt water, plus the fact that we weren't trapped in a van. After a good amount of sun we crossed the street and hung out in a pool waiting for Jeff's mom. She picked us up and treated us to food and a beer. Awesome. The Atlantic is the bar that everyone in Empty Orchestra was excited to play. It's apparently run by the dudes from No Idea Records, which is indeed pretty badass. We ended up playing first on a line-up of the best bands of the whole tour. It seems pretty rare on Empty Orchestra tours to play with bands that I find interesting. Sometimes it's even rare to play with bands that I find listenable. Florida, if it weren't for the Atlantic (ocean and the bar) I'd be pissed about this wicked sunburn.
July 23rd - Athens, Georgia (Some shitty bar. Jeff gets fucked up on Nyquil.)
Pretty much all evidence of you had been disregarded. I haven't even thought about you in six months or so. Then Laura Veirs comes up on my playlist. What happened? When times are good your unstoppable. When times are bad you just remember how great the good times were. We would sit around at night listening to records. You would sit on the floor making graffiti stencils, I would play guitar. You would go out to work and I would sit at the type writer for hours. We would drive up to the 24 hour coney to sit and talk about nothing. Strange.
Played to two or three people. Jeff got all sorts of fucked up on Nyquil. "Hey. What are those dogs that pull sleds?" Sled-dogs? "No. What kind of dogs?" Huskies? "No. The ones that save skiers?" St. Bernards? "Yeah. This bar smells like St. Bernards." Stayed with some dude named Corey? We stayed in a spare bedroom that was vacant because his roommate was in jail. He called packing peanuts "popcorn". Weird.
July 24th - Louisville, Kentucky (Skull Alley)
Played with a badass band called Max and the Marginalized. Definitely ready to be home. Six hour drive through Ohio, the land of hills, road-fatigue and creepy little Gummo towns.