(no subject)
Title: Memories Of Lives Lived
Author: artistwife
Rating: NC17
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/ Ianto
Warnings: Spoilers for Exit Wounds
Summary: Ianto want to know who Jack is
Word Count: 4758
Authors note: Again something written a while back.
It was an old argument. We had gone over it a thousand times. This particular time we have been yelling at each other for over an hour. I no longer remember what it was initially about but now it has escalated to this. He bloody well refuses to tell me any thing real about himself. He covers himself with innuendo and stories that are full of sexual exploits and good for a laugh, but really contain no information. It is bollocks.
“I just want to know who you are then, the real you.” I scream at him.
“No you don’t.” His voice comes out low and angry, warning me this is not going to end well.
“I do.” I want to prove to him that I will love him no matter what. How can I do that if I never know who he really is. “You give me no choices Jack. You give me no fucking choices.” My hands are aching and I find my fists are balled at my side. “You know everything about me.”
“I know everything about you because you’re my goddamn employee.” Jack yells. “You don’t have the same right.”
I suck in air, my throat feels raw and my chest tight.
“I have a right to know who I am sharing my life with, who I am fucking every night. I am sick of your half-truths and your secrets Jack. A psycho ex boyfriend shows up and helps your brother to destroy the town and kill two of our team. What’s next?”
I know it is a low blow and he flinches when it hits him but I want to fucking hurt him at this point.
“Tell me something about yourself or I swear I will leave. What else in your past should I be prepared for? Be honest with me for once. Give me some fucking respect.”
His eyes shadow over and he turns his face away from me. I see him swallow. I think I have him. Will he call my bluff or actually tell me something? My stomach feels like there is a lead weight sitting inside it. What if he refuses, can I walk away from him? I feel the tension between us mount. He stands up his eyes are murderous. He slams me back against the wall his face inches from mine.
“Who I was in my life is not important. What is past is of no value to you. If I could have saved Owen and Tosh don’t you think I would have.” He pushes away from me and walks to the other side of the room. His face is like thunder, his mouth set in a straight thin line.
I don’t let him intimidate me.
“I want to know something about you Jack.” My voice is harsh as I yell the words at him. “Tell me something real about you.”
“No. You wouldn’t have the stomach for it”
“Try me.” I yell. “I need to know Jack. I love you and I want to stay with you but I damn well won’t put up with this hide and seek you want to play, any longer. I swear to you Jack tell me about yourself or I will leave.” He gulps a couple of times as if trying to move something out of his throat, and sits down on the bed. His posture looks like he has been beaten. I want to comfort him, to hold him and tell him it is okay, but I can’t, not this time. I need to stay strong with this. I am not going back to what we had always had before he went away; a loose relationship primarily based on lust. We are past that now. Since he had come back to me we had openly declared our love and commitment to each other. I was never going to be called part time shag again and I was not going to settle for not knowing anything about him or any other of his rubbish. If he calls my bluff will I be able to turn my back on him? I don’t know. I decide I will cross that bridge if I have to. I am musing so much in my head about what might happen when he calls my bluff, I miss what he’s saying. Suddenly his voice, low and quiet penetrates my anger and fear.
“… remember when I was young running down the beach, with my mother and father walking behind me. I would run back and forth and chase the sea birds. Sometimes my father would pick me up and put me on his shoulders and we would walk like that for a time and then I would start to squirm, he would laugh and put me down and say, ‘run away little boy.’ Then I would run wildly down the beach again. We played in the ocean. The three of us would all chase the waves out as the ocean sucked them back and then try to beat the next breaker to the sand. It would often knock me off my feet and tumble me over and over and my dad would scoop me up and I would be sputtering and he would roar with laughter. I thought he was the strongest man in Boeshane. I always felt safe when he was with me. I collected shells and pieces of glass worn smooth from the sea. My dad would stuff them in his pockets and when we got home we would line them up on the shelves in my room. I had quite a collection. Sometimes we would light a fire on the beach and sit around telling stories. My dad told great yarns about his pilot days fighting in wars in places I would dream about. My life was fun and full of love and sunshine. When Gray came along, he was a difficult baby and my mother never had much time to walk on the sand anymore. Dad and I still went for our walks but it was never quite the same.”
He looks up at me, his eyes are teary, his emotions raw. I don’t move except to lower my head in a slight nod to encourage him to go on.
“After I let go of Gray’s hand, I would lie awake at night trying to figure out if I had done it on purpose. I knew I was jealous but I also loved him and he was getting bigger and we could do things as a family again. I’ve never said that out loud before. Jesus, could I have done it on purpose? He was my mother’s prize and still had a lot of his baby ways. Did I secretly want to get rid of him?” His voice trailed off and he made a heavy sound in his throat trying to clear away the pain.
“ Gray was her child. My father had carried me. I was not really a part of her. I never knew who my co-parent was. She couldn’t forgive me for losing Gray. After the day the creatures took him and my dad died, she never was able to look into my eyes again. I had caused her so much pain.”
He stops for a moment a sob escapes from somewhere deep inside him. Lines of pain etch his handsome face.
“My sister was born 4 months after my dad died and she became the focus of my mother’s life. She no longer even pretended she had any interest in me. I left home when my sister was two.” He glances up at me, his eyes pleading for me to understand and let him stop.
“I’m sorry Jack, I want more.” I try to keep my voice even and not let the pain I was feeling for him reflect in my face. If I am going to get what I need I can’t give in now. He blinks away tears and swipes his hand nervously through his hair.
“My friend, Gregor and I were hanging out at the spaceport watching the shuttles come in from the big ships, when I noticed a recruitment table for Galavian Warriors. They were legendary. I wandered over and listened to their spiel. They were fighting a war in the Omega 3 quadrant. It had gone on forever; the attrition rate had depleted their own resources so they were recruiting mercenaries. I was thrilled. My father’s war stories were exciting and heroic. I knew this could be an adventure of a lifetime for Gregor and me. It was our ticket off that rock in the backwater of the swamp. Gregor tried to talk me out of it but eventually I won and we went down and signed up. Even though we were underage they took us. We were eager and they were desperate.” He gives me a twisted smile.
“We both dreamed of going to other places and spun yarns about what that would be like. I thought it would be romantic and exciting to go to war, Gregor was more apprehensive. It turned out he was right. I should have listened to him.” He hangs his head and stares unseeing at the floor. His voice is thick with emotion as he continues.
“The training was rough but we got through it. We thought we were pretty tough until the enemy captured us. They figured us out pretty quick. I had that shell and attitude from what had happened to me as a kid. Gregor didn’t have those defenses. They decided he was the weaker one. They dragged him into my cell and forced me to watch as they tore his body to shreds. It took three days for him to die. He cried and begged. I tried to tell them we didn’t know anything. His screams still echo in my head on bad nights. I can still see him, his body broken and torn, blood seeping onto the floor while I stood chained against the wall as his screaming turned to whimpers and the whimpers into the silence of death. A death I had wished for him.” He raises his head and looks at me his eyes full of misery. “The worst thing was, we really didn’t know anything.” I want to stop him. My heart bleeds for him as he relives the horror. But I had asked for this. I will listen.
“They left him there for five days after he died, while I hung on that fucking wall wishing I would die too, watching the vermin that lived in the ship carry off chunks of him. He was 15, just beginning his life and I had convinced him it would be a romantic adventure. He followed me because he thought he was in love with me, and it got him killed. So by the ripe old age of 15 I had already been responsible for so much suffering and death.” Jack dropped his head down into his hands. I went to him and put my hand on his shoulder and pulled him against me. He continued his story his voice faltering with emotion.
“I finally escaped from that hole and I went back to my squad with enough information we could destroy them. I relished the revenge we wreaked on them. I flew a Stinger and dropped time warp destructors on them. Each one had Gregor’s name painted on it. It took a few years but we wiped out their whole fucking civilization.” He shuddered against me as he spoke the next sentence. “I was part of a force that annihilated a whole species and I was proud of it. What I had learned from their torture methods was added to my arsenal, and if I caught any of them alive they died by their own methods and a few others I had picked up. These weren’t always soldiers; sometimes they were civilians, women and children. I butchered them because I couldn’t accept the guilt for Gregor’s death. I would pretend I wanted information to start with but they soon learned there was nothing they could tell me that would stop me.” He clings tightly to me, his breath hitching, and his voice is ragged and raw.
“I was 18 when I went back to Boeshane . They called me a hero. I reveled in the attention. The Time Agency recruited me. It was just starting up. I was their poster boy.” He calms down a little and relinquishes his hold on me. I go back over to the wall and lean against it. “The Time Agency was a different life than the Warriors. Clean, neat, precise and disciplined. During the training I met John and we became close. He was the spoiled son of the Governor of Antean III he was soft and pretty and I protected him from the worst of it until he got toughened up a bit. When we got stuck in the time loop together for five years I took the opportunity to torment and abuse him into manhood. He was never going to die like Gregor. He came out of that tough and cynical, like me. He was hard, merciless and able to defend himself from anything. We were a perfect pair. No one could resist us. Nobody dared to tell us no. We ran across time and space leaving a trail of tears and misery.” He took a few deep breaths and shook his head as if trying to clear the images that were from that time. “I can’t tell you about that time. We were worse than you can imagine. I am just not ready to explain that.”
“It’s doesn’t matter. You can skip that part.”
“One day I woke up, and I was two years into a future I didn’t remember and John was gone. Transferred to another unit and incommunicado. I couldn’t find him or apparently he me. I never saw him again until he showed up here. I went AWOL and ran my cons for years. I was clever, and although I was hunted and chased across the universe, I always managed to worm my way out of trouble. I have this honest face and I am charming.” Another wry grin was sent toward me. “I had friends that only knew my good side. They helped me and protected me when I needed it. I betrayed them all eventually, and just moved on to new friends. I freelanced as a mercenary for various factions and made a pretty good living. My specialty was torture. I was very good at it.” He looks at my face to see how I am reacting to this. I keep my emotions in check and my mask firmly in place. Again I nod to him.
“I met the Doctor and Rose during a con that almost wiped out the entire human race. They rescued me from that guilt and certain death. For the first time I was aware that there was something in me that was worth saving. The Doctor’s philosophy, and his gentle caring ways attracted me like no one else had ever done. I loved him and Rose. I realized that if the Doctor was ever to love me I had to become something different. I worked hard at following his lead instead of forging my own way. He helped me find my way back to being someone I could live with. I never won his love but he did respect me for a while, I think. Then one day something happened to me. Rose changed me. We were battling daleks way in the future. I died and she brought me back to life because she loved me, and she could. Unfortunately she didn’t know what she was doing. She brought me back as a fixed point in time and I can never die. The Doctor says I am wrong and it is hard for him to look at me. But he accepts me, although I know he will never love me, his tolerance is good enough.”
“I hate him you know.” I said with vehemence.” He’s a cruel bastard.”
“I know you think that. You just don’t know him.” Jack said.
“Go ahead with your story, then. We can discuss the Doctor at some other time.”
“I came to Torchwood by accident. In Cardiff it was run by a couple of militant women. They didn’t give a shit about anything or anybody. A lot like me before I met the Doctor. When I learned that their number one priority was to capture and destroy the Doctor. I felt that at least if I was with them I would be there to help him if they ever caught him; and I needed the money. So I stayed. For over a hundred years I worked for Torchwood as a field agent. They used me as inhumanely as I had used others. It was a fitting penance for me. I couldn’t die and they used that as a wedge for everything. I was set out as a Judas goat so many times I became inured to it. Until Alex took over, I was just a piece of meat to be left out for the wolves. He changed that. He had feelings and a conscience he tried to straighten out the shambles that had been left by previous administrations and was handed down from Torchwood 1. He started the program to integrate some of the aliens the rift sucked in. He almost succeeded until it all became too much for him. He fucking killed every agent we had and then himself. He left me in charge and I was determined to create it differently. That’s why I keep it small. I can control it. There is no bureaucracy just me making the decisions and keeping it all under control. The first thing I did was to establish the Flat Holm sanctuary. I tagged weevils and returned them to the sewers to give them a second chance. I tried to preserve the life that came through the rift, integrate it if I could. I tried to do what I thought the Doctor would do. I did not agree with Torchwood 1 that the rift is there to be manipulated and subdued for the use of mankind. Then Canary Wharf happened and I knew I was right. I needed to arm the human race against the future. Get them ready.”
He takes a deep breath and raises his eyes to mine. The loneliness and fear clearly etched on his face. “That’s it in a nutshell.” His breath sighs out of him. “I won’t blame you for walking away.”
I move the few paces that separate us and bend over him seeking his mouth with my own. “I love you.” I whisper. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Relief floods his face as he reaches up and pulls me down to him. For the first time I feel I truly know who he is. Truly know what he has suffered and what has molded him. Now he has more pain and hurt with the destruction that Gray had wrought. The long years of burial and the loss of Tosh and Owen, what he had to do to Gray showed in the pain in the depth of his eyes. I felt shame for what I had said about Tosh and Owen. He had lived a brutal life. Was he still human and was he sane were questions for others to ask. But I know without a doubt that I love him just as he is, and I will continue to love him as long as I have breath in my body.
He reaches for me, wrapping himself around me like a child looking for reassurance. I kiss him. His mouth is soft and yielding as I probe it with my tongue, running it across his lips, delving into his warmth until he comes to life and starts kissing back, his mouth hot and urgent against mine. His body presses against me. His muscles are tight and hard under my hands as I run them down his back. I grab his arse and pull him in against my aching cock. Now we are both hard and wanting. He pulls at the buttons on my shirt. His fingers are sure and steady as he divests me of first my shirt and then my trousers and underwear. I return the favor and soon we are standing rubbing against each other. He bites and licks at my nipples, I arch my back a little to push against his mouth. I lick my tongue down his throat stopping to worry the skin over his pulse. Friction and heat is giving our swollen cocks the attention they are demanding. I backwalk him to the bed and push him down. He lies there his legs splayed, panting, with his mouth slightly open looking wanton and willing. My stomach tightens and I breathe heavily through my mouth as I pull the bedside drawer open and put the bottle of lube where I can get it. He smiles at me, that beautiful smile he keeps just to let me know he wants me. I drop down onto the bed and straddle him kissing his belly, sucking on the taut nubs of his nipples. I lick a line across his clavicle and bite the juncture of his neck. His arm encircles me and pulls me toward his mouth. He bites along my jaw line and pulls my bottom lip into his teeth. He is gentle as he nibbles my lip, his tongue explores my teeth and I open my mouth to let him in. One of his hands snake into my hair the other wraps around my cock. When we break the kiss I take a few deep breaths because that hand on my cock is not just lying there.
I turn around and head for his cock with my mouth. It is standing up proudly against his belly just begging to be sucked. As I slide my mouth over it he moans deep and ragged. “Ohh yeah Ianto, suck me hard.” I swirl my tongue up and down the shaft and around the crown, emerging from his foreskin, purple and leaking. His hips start to pump as he fucks into my mouth. I swallow his length and listen to him pant and moan as he tries to hold back his orgasm. I will be merciful tonight and I pull my mouth off him with a slurpy plop. I know the sound will drive him wild. I move down and lift his legs upward. He grabs them and pulls them toward his chest opening himself for me. He knows what I want and I know what he wants. I slide my tongue over his balls pulling them into my mouth one at a time then lick down his perineum and finally rim his hole. He gulps a sharp intake of breath and then lets out a series of moans as I lap around his hole and feel the muscle relax to allow me entrance. I stiffen my tongue and slide it in to him. I feel the draw as his reflex tries to pull me in. I slide in and out for several minutes wetting him thoroughly and relaxing him. He is saying my name over and over and his body is squirming with pleasure. For my part the pleasure of rimming him is beyond belief. His musky, spiciness fills the room as his pheromones flare. The building of sexual tension inside me is extreme. I want to see him undone and know it was me that caused it. I sigh against him and bite at his arse cheeks licking noisily from his tailbone to his balls then going back and swirling around his hole. I know I am causing him to come undone. He is no longer Captain Jack Harkness mighty of the mighty. He is just a quivering bowl of jelly ready to explode at my command. I love the power and the control. I lay his legs down on the bed and start my upward journey.
I lick up his body ignoring his cock as it bobs expectantly at me. I kiss him deep and hard letting him taste himself on me as I rub against his rigid cock. He sighs and hmms into my mouth. I reach for the lube. He is pretty wet but I want this to be the best experience he has had with me so, better sure than sorry. I slick my hand and push one finger into him. He whimpers. “Does that feel good Jack?” I ask. He moans an unintelligible answer and presses his hips down on my finger. He is hot and wet and his channel clasps me. I put another in and brush them against his prostate. I am rewarded with a buck of his hips and a “There. Do that again.” I scissor my fingers a few times and brush his prostate again.
“Oh fuck that feels good.” He responds. I shove in the third finger. By now my cock is aching and leaking all over me. No one has paid any attention to it for ages. I am eager to get it inside him and fuck him into the bed until he screams my name. I tell him what I am going to do to him.
I get into position and grab the lube and slick up. I am quivering with desire and so is he. His head is going from side to side and he is begging me to fuck him.
“Are you ready Jack” my voice is an octave lower when it comes out.
“God yes, Ianto, please, please. Fuck me now.” His face is flushed his eyes are all pupil and his breath rasps in his chest. Ah yes. He is ready. I heave his hips up and shoulder his legs folding him and grabbing his hips. I line up and push, one smooth movement into him. His heat envelopes me like a million suns as he pulls me in and in until I can go no further. I glide back out until only the head of my cock remains in him. The exquisite smoothness and enveloping heat sliding against my cock makes my stomach tighten and my thighs shake. I push back in and then I lose all control. My cock takes over, pounding in to him, my balls bounce against his arse as he bucks and curses underneath me. I am reduced to a mass of need as I push toward the crest of the wave. I grab Jack’s cock. “Come for me baby. Come for me.” I am shouting over the roaring in my ears as I pump his hardness in rhythm with the slide of my cock through his tight arse. I hear him yell and curse as his hot come spurts though my fingers and onto his abs. His channel contracts and beats around my cock and I yell his name as my brain whites out and I stop breathing for a space while I pump jism into his hole. I collapse on top of him and he drops his legs from my shoulders and wraps them around my arse holding me inside him. I lie there, as I slowly get control of my breathing and listen to his breath rasp and heave in his chest, sliding against the sweat and the pool of come on his belly. I am happy and sated and never want to move. I finally roll to the side withdrawing from him. For this moment the horrors of his past are forgotten. Our future is uncertain, but in the present we are together and nothing else matters. I pull him close as he turns toward me, his warm spicy breath floating over me. It is close and loving in this space with him. His lips are soft and yielding and he sighs into my mouth. Our bodies sharing the tight space, arms wrapped around each other, our hearts beating in the same rhythm. I look at him lying there next to me and wonder how I ever deserve the beauty of his face and soul. I am content. He sighs and runs his fingers over my face. “You make me feel right.” He says.
“Yeah,” I answer, “to me you are the rightest thing in the universe.”
Fin
Author: artistwife
Rating: NC17
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Jack/ Ianto
Warnings: Spoilers for Exit Wounds
Summary: Ianto want to know who Jack is
Word Count: 4758
Authors note: Again something written a while back.
It was an old argument. We had gone over it a thousand times. This particular time we have been yelling at each other for over an hour. I no longer remember what it was initially about but now it has escalated to this. He bloody well refuses to tell me any thing real about himself. He covers himself with innuendo and stories that are full of sexual exploits and good for a laugh, but really contain no information. It is bollocks.
“I just want to know who you are then, the real you.” I scream at him.
“No you don’t.” His voice comes out low and angry, warning me this is not going to end well.
“I do.” I want to prove to him that I will love him no matter what. How can I do that if I never know who he really is. “You give me no choices Jack. You give me no fucking choices.” My hands are aching and I find my fists are balled at my side. “You know everything about me.”
“I know everything about you because you’re my goddamn employee.” Jack yells. “You don’t have the same right.”
I suck in air, my throat feels raw and my chest tight.
“I have a right to know who I am sharing my life with, who I am fucking every night. I am sick of your half-truths and your secrets Jack. A psycho ex boyfriend shows up and helps your brother to destroy the town and kill two of our team. What’s next?”
I know it is a low blow and he flinches when it hits him but I want to fucking hurt him at this point.
“Tell me something about yourself or I swear I will leave. What else in your past should I be prepared for? Be honest with me for once. Give me some fucking respect.”
His eyes shadow over and he turns his face away from me. I see him swallow. I think I have him. Will he call my bluff or actually tell me something? My stomach feels like there is a lead weight sitting inside it. What if he refuses, can I walk away from him? I feel the tension between us mount. He stands up his eyes are murderous. He slams me back against the wall his face inches from mine.
“Who I was in my life is not important. What is past is of no value to you. If I could have saved Owen and Tosh don’t you think I would have.” He pushes away from me and walks to the other side of the room. His face is like thunder, his mouth set in a straight thin line.
I don’t let him intimidate me.
“I want to know something about you Jack.” My voice is harsh as I yell the words at him. “Tell me something real about you.”
“No. You wouldn’t have the stomach for it”
“Try me.” I yell. “I need to know Jack. I love you and I want to stay with you but I damn well won’t put up with this hide and seek you want to play, any longer. I swear to you Jack tell me about yourself or I will leave.” He gulps a couple of times as if trying to move something out of his throat, and sits down on the bed. His posture looks like he has been beaten. I want to comfort him, to hold him and tell him it is okay, but I can’t, not this time. I need to stay strong with this. I am not going back to what we had always had before he went away; a loose relationship primarily based on lust. We are past that now. Since he had come back to me we had openly declared our love and commitment to each other. I was never going to be called part time shag again and I was not going to settle for not knowing anything about him or any other of his rubbish. If he calls my bluff will I be able to turn my back on him? I don’t know. I decide I will cross that bridge if I have to. I am musing so much in my head about what might happen when he calls my bluff, I miss what he’s saying. Suddenly his voice, low and quiet penetrates my anger and fear.
“… remember when I was young running down the beach, with my mother and father walking behind me. I would run back and forth and chase the sea birds. Sometimes my father would pick me up and put me on his shoulders and we would walk like that for a time and then I would start to squirm, he would laugh and put me down and say, ‘run away little boy.’ Then I would run wildly down the beach again. We played in the ocean. The three of us would all chase the waves out as the ocean sucked them back and then try to beat the next breaker to the sand. It would often knock me off my feet and tumble me over and over and my dad would scoop me up and I would be sputtering and he would roar with laughter. I thought he was the strongest man in Boeshane. I always felt safe when he was with me. I collected shells and pieces of glass worn smooth from the sea. My dad would stuff them in his pockets and when we got home we would line them up on the shelves in my room. I had quite a collection. Sometimes we would light a fire on the beach and sit around telling stories. My dad told great yarns about his pilot days fighting in wars in places I would dream about. My life was fun and full of love and sunshine. When Gray came along, he was a difficult baby and my mother never had much time to walk on the sand anymore. Dad and I still went for our walks but it was never quite the same.”
He looks up at me, his eyes are teary, his emotions raw. I don’t move except to lower my head in a slight nod to encourage him to go on.
“After I let go of Gray’s hand, I would lie awake at night trying to figure out if I had done it on purpose. I knew I was jealous but I also loved him and he was getting bigger and we could do things as a family again. I’ve never said that out loud before. Jesus, could I have done it on purpose? He was my mother’s prize and still had a lot of his baby ways. Did I secretly want to get rid of him?” His voice trailed off and he made a heavy sound in his throat trying to clear away the pain.
“ Gray was her child. My father had carried me. I was not really a part of her. I never knew who my co-parent was. She couldn’t forgive me for losing Gray. After the day the creatures took him and my dad died, she never was able to look into my eyes again. I had caused her so much pain.”
He stops for a moment a sob escapes from somewhere deep inside him. Lines of pain etch his handsome face.
“My sister was born 4 months after my dad died and she became the focus of my mother’s life. She no longer even pretended she had any interest in me. I left home when my sister was two.” He glances up at me, his eyes pleading for me to understand and let him stop.
“I’m sorry Jack, I want more.” I try to keep my voice even and not let the pain I was feeling for him reflect in my face. If I am going to get what I need I can’t give in now. He blinks away tears and swipes his hand nervously through his hair.
“My friend, Gregor and I were hanging out at the spaceport watching the shuttles come in from the big ships, when I noticed a recruitment table for Galavian Warriors. They were legendary. I wandered over and listened to their spiel. They were fighting a war in the Omega 3 quadrant. It had gone on forever; the attrition rate had depleted their own resources so they were recruiting mercenaries. I was thrilled. My father’s war stories were exciting and heroic. I knew this could be an adventure of a lifetime for Gregor and me. It was our ticket off that rock in the backwater of the swamp. Gregor tried to talk me out of it but eventually I won and we went down and signed up. Even though we were underage they took us. We were eager and they were desperate.” He gives me a twisted smile.
“We both dreamed of going to other places and spun yarns about what that would be like. I thought it would be romantic and exciting to go to war, Gregor was more apprehensive. It turned out he was right. I should have listened to him.” He hangs his head and stares unseeing at the floor. His voice is thick with emotion as he continues.
“The training was rough but we got through it. We thought we were pretty tough until the enemy captured us. They figured us out pretty quick. I had that shell and attitude from what had happened to me as a kid. Gregor didn’t have those defenses. They decided he was the weaker one. They dragged him into my cell and forced me to watch as they tore his body to shreds. It took three days for him to die. He cried and begged. I tried to tell them we didn’t know anything. His screams still echo in my head on bad nights. I can still see him, his body broken and torn, blood seeping onto the floor while I stood chained against the wall as his screaming turned to whimpers and the whimpers into the silence of death. A death I had wished for him.” He raises his head and looks at me his eyes full of misery. “The worst thing was, we really didn’t know anything.” I want to stop him. My heart bleeds for him as he relives the horror. But I had asked for this. I will listen.
“They left him there for five days after he died, while I hung on that fucking wall wishing I would die too, watching the vermin that lived in the ship carry off chunks of him. He was 15, just beginning his life and I had convinced him it would be a romantic adventure. He followed me because he thought he was in love with me, and it got him killed. So by the ripe old age of 15 I had already been responsible for so much suffering and death.” Jack dropped his head down into his hands. I went to him and put my hand on his shoulder and pulled him against me. He continued his story his voice faltering with emotion.
“I finally escaped from that hole and I went back to my squad with enough information we could destroy them. I relished the revenge we wreaked on them. I flew a Stinger and dropped time warp destructors on them. Each one had Gregor’s name painted on it. It took a few years but we wiped out their whole fucking civilization.” He shuddered against me as he spoke the next sentence. “I was part of a force that annihilated a whole species and I was proud of it. What I had learned from their torture methods was added to my arsenal, and if I caught any of them alive they died by their own methods and a few others I had picked up. These weren’t always soldiers; sometimes they were civilians, women and children. I butchered them because I couldn’t accept the guilt for Gregor’s death. I would pretend I wanted information to start with but they soon learned there was nothing they could tell me that would stop me.” He clings tightly to me, his breath hitching, and his voice is ragged and raw.
“I was 18 when I went back to Boeshane . They called me a hero. I reveled in the attention. The Time Agency recruited me. It was just starting up. I was their poster boy.” He calms down a little and relinquishes his hold on me. I go back over to the wall and lean against it. “The Time Agency was a different life than the Warriors. Clean, neat, precise and disciplined. During the training I met John and we became close. He was the spoiled son of the Governor of Antean III he was soft and pretty and I protected him from the worst of it until he got toughened up a bit. When we got stuck in the time loop together for five years I took the opportunity to torment and abuse him into manhood. He was never going to die like Gregor. He came out of that tough and cynical, like me. He was hard, merciless and able to defend himself from anything. We were a perfect pair. No one could resist us. Nobody dared to tell us no. We ran across time and space leaving a trail of tears and misery.” He took a few deep breaths and shook his head as if trying to clear the images that were from that time. “I can’t tell you about that time. We were worse than you can imagine. I am just not ready to explain that.”
“It’s doesn’t matter. You can skip that part.”
“One day I woke up, and I was two years into a future I didn’t remember and John was gone. Transferred to another unit and incommunicado. I couldn’t find him or apparently he me. I never saw him again until he showed up here. I went AWOL and ran my cons for years. I was clever, and although I was hunted and chased across the universe, I always managed to worm my way out of trouble. I have this honest face and I am charming.” Another wry grin was sent toward me. “I had friends that only knew my good side. They helped me and protected me when I needed it. I betrayed them all eventually, and just moved on to new friends. I freelanced as a mercenary for various factions and made a pretty good living. My specialty was torture. I was very good at it.” He looks at my face to see how I am reacting to this. I keep my emotions in check and my mask firmly in place. Again I nod to him.
“I met the Doctor and Rose during a con that almost wiped out the entire human race. They rescued me from that guilt and certain death. For the first time I was aware that there was something in me that was worth saving. The Doctor’s philosophy, and his gentle caring ways attracted me like no one else had ever done. I loved him and Rose. I realized that if the Doctor was ever to love me I had to become something different. I worked hard at following his lead instead of forging my own way. He helped me find my way back to being someone I could live with. I never won his love but he did respect me for a while, I think. Then one day something happened to me. Rose changed me. We were battling daleks way in the future. I died and she brought me back to life because she loved me, and she could. Unfortunately she didn’t know what she was doing. She brought me back as a fixed point in time and I can never die. The Doctor says I am wrong and it is hard for him to look at me. But he accepts me, although I know he will never love me, his tolerance is good enough.”
“I hate him you know.” I said with vehemence.” He’s a cruel bastard.”
“I know you think that. You just don’t know him.” Jack said.
“Go ahead with your story, then. We can discuss the Doctor at some other time.”
“I came to Torchwood by accident. In Cardiff it was run by a couple of militant women. They didn’t give a shit about anything or anybody. A lot like me before I met the Doctor. When I learned that their number one priority was to capture and destroy the Doctor. I felt that at least if I was with them I would be there to help him if they ever caught him; and I needed the money. So I stayed. For over a hundred years I worked for Torchwood as a field agent. They used me as inhumanely as I had used others. It was a fitting penance for me. I couldn’t die and they used that as a wedge for everything. I was set out as a Judas goat so many times I became inured to it. Until Alex took over, I was just a piece of meat to be left out for the wolves. He changed that. He had feelings and a conscience he tried to straighten out the shambles that had been left by previous administrations and was handed down from Torchwood 1. He started the program to integrate some of the aliens the rift sucked in. He almost succeeded until it all became too much for him. He fucking killed every agent we had and then himself. He left me in charge and I was determined to create it differently. That’s why I keep it small. I can control it. There is no bureaucracy just me making the decisions and keeping it all under control. The first thing I did was to establish the Flat Holm sanctuary. I tagged weevils and returned them to the sewers to give them a second chance. I tried to preserve the life that came through the rift, integrate it if I could. I tried to do what I thought the Doctor would do. I did not agree with Torchwood 1 that the rift is there to be manipulated and subdued for the use of mankind. Then Canary Wharf happened and I knew I was right. I needed to arm the human race against the future. Get them ready.”
He takes a deep breath and raises his eyes to mine. The loneliness and fear clearly etched on his face. “That’s it in a nutshell.” His breath sighs out of him. “I won’t blame you for walking away.”
I move the few paces that separate us and bend over him seeking his mouth with my own. “I love you.” I whisper. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Relief floods his face as he reaches up and pulls me down to him. For the first time I feel I truly know who he is. Truly know what he has suffered and what has molded him. Now he has more pain and hurt with the destruction that Gray had wrought. The long years of burial and the loss of Tosh and Owen, what he had to do to Gray showed in the pain in the depth of his eyes. I felt shame for what I had said about Tosh and Owen. He had lived a brutal life. Was he still human and was he sane were questions for others to ask. But I know without a doubt that I love him just as he is, and I will continue to love him as long as I have breath in my body.
He reaches for me, wrapping himself around me like a child looking for reassurance. I kiss him. His mouth is soft and yielding as I probe it with my tongue, running it across his lips, delving into his warmth until he comes to life and starts kissing back, his mouth hot and urgent against mine. His body presses against me. His muscles are tight and hard under my hands as I run them down his back. I grab his arse and pull him in against my aching cock. Now we are both hard and wanting. He pulls at the buttons on my shirt. His fingers are sure and steady as he divests me of first my shirt and then my trousers and underwear. I return the favor and soon we are standing rubbing against each other. He bites and licks at my nipples, I arch my back a little to push against his mouth. I lick my tongue down his throat stopping to worry the skin over his pulse. Friction and heat is giving our swollen cocks the attention they are demanding. I backwalk him to the bed and push him down. He lies there his legs splayed, panting, with his mouth slightly open looking wanton and willing. My stomach tightens and I breathe heavily through my mouth as I pull the bedside drawer open and put the bottle of lube where I can get it. He smiles at me, that beautiful smile he keeps just to let me know he wants me. I drop down onto the bed and straddle him kissing his belly, sucking on the taut nubs of his nipples. I lick a line across his clavicle and bite the juncture of his neck. His arm encircles me and pulls me toward his mouth. He bites along my jaw line and pulls my bottom lip into his teeth. He is gentle as he nibbles my lip, his tongue explores my teeth and I open my mouth to let him in. One of his hands snake into my hair the other wraps around my cock. When we break the kiss I take a few deep breaths because that hand on my cock is not just lying there.
I turn around and head for his cock with my mouth. It is standing up proudly against his belly just begging to be sucked. As I slide my mouth over it he moans deep and ragged. “Ohh yeah Ianto, suck me hard.” I swirl my tongue up and down the shaft and around the crown, emerging from his foreskin, purple and leaking. His hips start to pump as he fucks into my mouth. I swallow his length and listen to him pant and moan as he tries to hold back his orgasm. I will be merciful tonight and I pull my mouth off him with a slurpy plop. I know the sound will drive him wild. I move down and lift his legs upward. He grabs them and pulls them toward his chest opening himself for me. He knows what I want and I know what he wants. I slide my tongue over his balls pulling them into my mouth one at a time then lick down his perineum and finally rim his hole. He gulps a sharp intake of breath and then lets out a series of moans as I lap around his hole and feel the muscle relax to allow me entrance. I stiffen my tongue and slide it in to him. I feel the draw as his reflex tries to pull me in. I slide in and out for several minutes wetting him thoroughly and relaxing him. He is saying my name over and over and his body is squirming with pleasure. For my part the pleasure of rimming him is beyond belief. His musky, spiciness fills the room as his pheromones flare. The building of sexual tension inside me is extreme. I want to see him undone and know it was me that caused it. I sigh against him and bite at his arse cheeks licking noisily from his tailbone to his balls then going back and swirling around his hole. I know I am causing him to come undone. He is no longer Captain Jack Harkness mighty of the mighty. He is just a quivering bowl of jelly ready to explode at my command. I love the power and the control. I lay his legs down on the bed and start my upward journey.
I lick up his body ignoring his cock as it bobs expectantly at me. I kiss him deep and hard letting him taste himself on me as I rub against his rigid cock. He sighs and hmms into my mouth. I reach for the lube. He is pretty wet but I want this to be the best experience he has had with me so, better sure than sorry. I slick my hand and push one finger into him. He whimpers. “Does that feel good Jack?” I ask. He moans an unintelligible answer and presses his hips down on my finger. He is hot and wet and his channel clasps me. I put another in and brush them against his prostate. I am rewarded with a buck of his hips and a “There. Do that again.” I scissor my fingers a few times and brush his prostate again.
“Oh fuck that feels good.” He responds. I shove in the third finger. By now my cock is aching and leaking all over me. No one has paid any attention to it for ages. I am eager to get it inside him and fuck him into the bed until he screams my name. I tell him what I am going to do to him.
I get into position and grab the lube and slick up. I am quivering with desire and so is he. His head is going from side to side and he is begging me to fuck him.
“Are you ready Jack” my voice is an octave lower when it comes out.
“God yes, Ianto, please, please. Fuck me now.” His face is flushed his eyes are all pupil and his breath rasps in his chest. Ah yes. He is ready. I heave his hips up and shoulder his legs folding him and grabbing his hips. I line up and push, one smooth movement into him. His heat envelopes me like a million suns as he pulls me in and in until I can go no further. I glide back out until only the head of my cock remains in him. The exquisite smoothness and enveloping heat sliding against my cock makes my stomach tighten and my thighs shake. I push back in and then I lose all control. My cock takes over, pounding in to him, my balls bounce against his arse as he bucks and curses underneath me. I am reduced to a mass of need as I push toward the crest of the wave. I grab Jack’s cock. “Come for me baby. Come for me.” I am shouting over the roaring in my ears as I pump his hardness in rhythm with the slide of my cock through his tight arse. I hear him yell and curse as his hot come spurts though my fingers and onto his abs. His channel contracts and beats around my cock and I yell his name as my brain whites out and I stop breathing for a space while I pump jism into his hole. I collapse on top of him and he drops his legs from my shoulders and wraps them around my arse holding me inside him. I lie there, as I slowly get control of my breathing and listen to his breath rasp and heave in his chest, sliding against the sweat and the pool of come on his belly. I am happy and sated and never want to move. I finally roll to the side withdrawing from him. For this moment the horrors of his past are forgotten. Our future is uncertain, but in the present we are together and nothing else matters. I pull him close as he turns toward me, his warm spicy breath floating over me. It is close and loving in this space with him. His lips are soft and yielding and he sighs into my mouth. Our bodies sharing the tight space, arms wrapped around each other, our hearts beating in the same rhythm. I look at him lying there next to me and wonder how I ever deserve the beauty of his face and soul. I am content. He sighs and runs his fingers over my face. “You make me feel right.” He says.
“Yeah,” I answer, “to me you are the rightest thing in the universe.”
Fin