Life is dream, one that leaves you feeling empty, full, sad, disgusted...
And the music continues!!! I have a cell phone, and I'm kind of liking it now, mainly because I have cool homemade ringtones!!!! I have the Song of Time from motherfuckin' ZELDA, as well as that song that song System of A Down does about Link. I have the Imperial march theme, so whenever soemone calls me, I feel like Lord Vadar, ascending the hallways of the Deathstar, knowing that I am the most bad ass person in the whole Galaxy! As well as Molly, Quake stuff, and an occasional NIN. I'm at ALLC today because I'm probably going to check out. And then...well, then I move to Orem and my new life of possibilities begins. Let's hope everything turns out decent when I start my new life.
I've been feeling very...odd lately. I have such a confused head on my shoulders that I don't know quite what to do. I don't have mental clarity, and that's really annoying seeing as that's something I NEED to have to progress and be happy in life. Externally, I'm perfectly fine. Everything is going swell...I'm getting my CNA license very shortly, I'm signing up for the Spring semester at UVSC, and I have a job lined up for me already; my friends are all super duper, and I have new opportunities to make NEW friends. Everything's peachy; but internally, I'm more jumbled than a bag of jelly beans. My head can't handle all of the "issues" that keep resurfacing, issues such as my deceased father whom I miss greatly, a sense of feeling lonely because I don't have anybody I can really talk to about these problems, I don't fully trust Steve anymore with these things, seeing as he himself has his own problems to sort out, and I don't feel important to anybody. As Paige to eloquently stated, it's nice to feel needed. My insecurities keep coming back, just when I thought I had them taken care of...damn it!
I seem to have this nightly ritual where, after all my dealings with the day are done and I've said my good byes and good nights to all of my friends, I break down and just cry. I cry for wanting my head to be better, I cry for the father I never knew, I cry because I don't have someone that I'm emotionally attached to in my life, I cry because the patients I'm going to care for at the rest homes have such terrible lives and there's nothing I can do to save them from such travesties.
I miss everything that made my life good. It's decent, but only on a material level. I'm doing "okay" because I'm jumping through the hoops that society makes me so I can at least live a mediocre life in a very shitty world. That seems very unfair.
I've been feeling very...odd lately. I have such a confused head on my shoulders that I don't know quite what to do. I don't have mental clarity, and that's really annoying seeing as that's something I NEED to have to progress and be happy in life. Externally, I'm perfectly fine. Everything is going swell...I'm getting my CNA license very shortly, I'm signing up for the Spring semester at UVSC, and I have a job lined up for me already; my friends are all super duper, and I have new opportunities to make NEW friends. Everything's peachy; but internally, I'm more jumbled than a bag of jelly beans. My head can't handle all of the "issues" that keep resurfacing, issues such as my deceased father whom I miss greatly, a sense of feeling lonely because I don't have anybody I can really talk to about these problems, I don't fully trust Steve anymore with these things, seeing as he himself has his own problems to sort out, and I don't feel important to anybody. As Paige to eloquently stated, it's nice to feel needed. My insecurities keep coming back, just when I thought I had them taken care of...damn it!
I seem to have this nightly ritual where, after all my dealings with the day are done and I've said my good byes and good nights to all of my friends, I break down and just cry. I cry for wanting my head to be better, I cry for the father I never knew, I cry because I don't have someone that I'm emotionally attached to in my life, I cry because the patients I'm going to care for at the rest homes have such terrible lives and there's nothing I can do to save them from such travesties.
I miss everything that made my life good. It's decent, but only on a material level. I'm doing "okay" because I'm jumping through the hoops that society makes me so I can at least live a mediocre life in a very shitty world. That seems very unfair.