I guess my poor little LJ deserves an update....
Here's my year in brief:
When I thought nothing would ever change, it did.
When I thought life couldn't get worse, it did.
When I thought I'd never love again, I did.
When I thought I'd never smile again, I did.
When I thought I wouldn't cry, I did.
When I thought love couldn't shake me, it did.
When I thought I'd burst with curiosity, I didn't!
And to the last, I almost feel constrained to add "unfortunately". Seriously though, who wants to go on like everything is normal when they would rather explode with curiosity? This gal certainly never did. Then again, there are many things this gal never wanted to do that she has done, and wouldn't you know it? She somehow survived and is better for all of the experiences.
What have I learned this year?
Love don't go away.
People do.
Life is useless without love.
...People are too.
And what am I hoping for the rest of the year...and the rest of my life?
That I am allowed to go on loving the people I wanna love.
Anyhow...that was random. LOL Here's a more substantial update on my life...
I am almost done with all of my high school coursework...A little British Lit., a little Algebra 2, a little music, and some P.E., but I will be done with everything by graduation, and most everything by the end of this month. I should have my license by the middle of May which of course opens many doors which have so far been closed. (For instance, I thinking about running away to Vegas...;) I plan on getting a job, hopefully in child care, ASAP, in order to save up for EMT training which will begin in September if I go to VolState and October if I go to TTU. I am really pumped about all this, believe me!! I can't believe my life is about to change irreversibly! This is what I have been working toward and waiting for years...and now I'm on the brink! I'm staring uncertainty in the face, and I am ready. For years I've been preparing to be an adult, for years I've been growing up, for years I've been learning to be my own person, and now the world is getting ready to accept my as an individual adult. Just another one of life's adventures...but certainly one of the first I've ben privileged to experience. It's hard to sit here and think about all the things that will change, but I love change, so I really can't wait. Part of me is disappointed that so comparatively little will change honestly....Maybe I will run away to Vegas, now that change a lot!
*grin*
No...if I run away, it would be WITH someone, not TO somewhere. lol. Don't ask who cause that wasn't the point of the declaration, and I very honestly have no answer.
Other than that, my life is very normal, and even all I've written has become normal to an extent. If I've been thinking about anything in particular, it would have to be written with a capital "a". So many thoughts swirl around in my head, you'd think I'd get dizzy. And sometimes I do, but more often I just dance to keep up. Roll with the punches you know? Life does that to you. It seems like I'm up and down and all around, but normal I'm always down and always trying to get back up. Of course it doesn't work and it takes something unexpected to get back up. "I love this crazy tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful life!"
You know, life is more than a piece of cake: it's a whole, big cake. I can't eat cake.
And yes, that is very often how my life seems. When I do every once-in-a-while delve into the forbidden "cake", I find it makes me sick. So I get disappointed, and once again am satisfied with the peanuts of life.
And YES! I am rolling at myself! It just keeps hitting me how ridiculous that sounds! haha...How fun! I am terrible at being philosophical, so I just end up being silly....But hey, I've had several people tell me that I'm hilarious, or that I crack them up, so it's all great! Of course, I'm not always trying to be funny...and sometimes it's humiliating to always be laughed at when I'm trying to be serious, but I'm not one to get embarrassed, and I am one to laugh; so when I'm laughed at, I somehow always see how funny it is, and end up laughing....
I think I have found the goofiest person I ever will, but hanging out with him is so emphatically beyond anything I could ever describe that I hope and intend to surround myself with such people for the rest of my life. Oh, speaking of heaven! I think I wonder at least once every day what Jesse's doing. But then my happiness for him is clouded with some pain, but mainly sheer jealousness. Imagine! I was gonna beat all my friends to heaven, but Jesse's beat me. You know, I SO can't wait to see him again. Ask him how he's spent the last however-many years. Betchya he'll have some pretty freakin' *amazing* new tricks to show me! Dude! I can't wait!!
Oh, y'all, it's getting to be spring!!! I am so incredibly, outrageously happy about that! All winter I wait for spring, and it always comes. Green may not be my fav color, but in spring, I love it! Life is returning to the cursed planet and reminding me that God isn't finished with me or it. The leaves are new, the animals are new, and something inside me is new. This spring, something inside me is very new. Ah! You know, some people think that love blooms in spring along with life, but I think they're wrong. Love doesn't bloom with spring, love blooms in spring: what is life without love?
And one last note that I wish was hopeful, I really want to see Dirk before he goes back to Chi town!
Wow...what a strange and looooong ramble...I find the thought of going back and reading over it utterly repulsive. But for your sake, I will.
And now I am off to check FB.