A Large Change
Wow. It's been a while. But I guess I can't ever completely stop writing. Specially now. I finally got sick of the life I was living. Drinking every night until I pass out. I can't do that anymore, I'm realizing it the older Mari gets and her little watchful eyes sucking in everything I'm doing in front of her. I can't do it anymore. I've isolated myself from doing things outside of the house, purely because I was always sick. I've called out of work more times than I want to admit and it's simply because of being too hungover to go. So, I went to the doctor and spilled the beans. Last time I did this I got prescribed an anti-depressant and I didn't want one of those. This time, same thing. I guess I should take the hint.
SO, I researched a ton about the med. It's the generic form of Prozac, fluoxetine. I found it ironic that it all basically covers my brain. It helps with Anxiety, Depression, OCD, and Eating Disorders. I was like, wow. I think I'm going to give in and take this one. SO I have been for the last three days and even though the medicine says it doesn't kick in for a week or so, I think they mean the depression part. Because it's day three and I already feel many positive changes so far.
The little ball of anger I usually have inside my heart that lashes out at everything and everyone seems to be quelched. It's amazing to talk to people and not have that ball of anger flaring up all the time. I feel like I can actually think and speak without being overwhelmed by emotions that tend to ruin my relationships with people and my family. That's the biggest one I've noticed so far. I also seem to have a ton more patience with Mari. I used to get aggravated super easily and now I don't. I don't remember reading anything about the pill helping with anger, but I guess that's part of the anti-depressant and mood part of it, which makes sense. One of my friends that's on it says she doesn't lash out anymore either. Or when something happens, it's way easier to deal with. And I can see how that would be a thing.
It's funny, my doctor even recommended I start journaling and doing yoga. I told her those are things I used to be very into and I've stopped. I guess I should start them again, just like these new meds and becoming a new me. Also, you can't really drink on these meds so everything is a win win. Actually, I know it's only been three days but I haven't had the urge to drink at all. My OCD urge has gone down a lot as well, but its not completely gone yet. I was so nervous to take this drug, even though I told myself it could change my life. And it's definitely starting to. I hope it continues to work well with me. I've had a couple headaches as a side affect but I'm pretty sure those go away, as I've read. It's definitely worth the benefits of this.
I'm hesitating if I should make this public or not, I think I will make it public. I'm going to be 33 in two weeks and I used to keep everything private on account of my parents finding out, but I'm an adult now. I guess which can be scary too because I've had the cops come to my door for a facebook post, lord knows what I can go to jail for if I write in my private journal. The world is ridiculous out there. I guess nothing is private anymore. I suppose I just won't write anything completely crazy and make it public, though that's not me anymore anyways.
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So Sept 17-24 Danny, mom, Mari and I are going to Boston! I was trying to do it so we could go see Nona in CA, but unfortunately I picked a nasty weekend to go up. Nona is having eye surgery for cataracts and Emilie was about to cancel her son Lucas' baptism for us. Not happening. Also my uncle who translates for us won't be in town. So, I decided to skip it and I'm kinda happy about it because I won't be a bother for anyone up there but also having more time in Boston is never a bad thing.
SO, I researched a ton about the med. It's the generic form of Prozac, fluoxetine. I found it ironic that it all basically covers my brain. It helps with Anxiety, Depression, OCD, and Eating Disorders. I was like, wow. I think I'm going to give in and take this one. SO I have been for the last three days and even though the medicine says it doesn't kick in for a week or so, I think they mean the depression part. Because it's day three and I already feel many positive changes so far.
The little ball of anger I usually have inside my heart that lashes out at everything and everyone seems to be quelched. It's amazing to talk to people and not have that ball of anger flaring up all the time. I feel like I can actually think and speak without being overwhelmed by emotions that tend to ruin my relationships with people and my family. That's the biggest one I've noticed so far. I also seem to have a ton more patience with Mari. I used to get aggravated super easily and now I don't. I don't remember reading anything about the pill helping with anger, but I guess that's part of the anti-depressant and mood part of it, which makes sense. One of my friends that's on it says she doesn't lash out anymore either. Or when something happens, it's way easier to deal with. And I can see how that would be a thing.
It's funny, my doctor even recommended I start journaling and doing yoga. I told her those are things I used to be very into and I've stopped. I guess I should start them again, just like these new meds and becoming a new me. Also, you can't really drink on these meds so everything is a win win. Actually, I know it's only been three days but I haven't had the urge to drink at all. My OCD urge has gone down a lot as well, but its not completely gone yet. I was so nervous to take this drug, even though I told myself it could change my life. And it's definitely starting to. I hope it continues to work well with me. I've had a couple headaches as a side affect but I'm pretty sure those go away, as I've read. It's definitely worth the benefits of this.
I'm hesitating if I should make this public or not, I think I will make it public. I'm going to be 33 in two weeks and I used to keep everything private on account of my parents finding out, but I'm an adult now. I guess which can be scary too because I've had the cops come to my door for a facebook post, lord knows what I can go to jail for if I write in my private journal. The world is ridiculous out there. I guess nothing is private anymore. I suppose I just won't write anything completely crazy and make it public, though that's not me anymore anyways.
------------------------------------------------------
So Sept 17-24 Danny, mom, Mari and I are going to Boston! I was trying to do it so we could go see Nona in CA, but unfortunately I picked a nasty weekend to go up. Nona is having eye surgery for cataracts and Emilie was about to cancel her son Lucas' baptism for us. Not happening. Also my uncle who translates for us won't be in town. So, I decided to skip it and I'm kinda happy about it because I won't be a bother for anyone up there but also having more time in Boston is never a bad thing.