Well, hello there.
So, what's new? Huh. Lots? Lots, really.
Not that I'm in any mood to write an omnibus of the past two years. For one thing, just coming off a truly messy bout of flu last week. (Yes, I got the vaccine. No, I don't regret that.)
No fever, and I'm not hacking and coughing quite as frequently. But I'm weak as a kitten, and completely without a voice. So strange!
It was odd to revisit the land of Sick n' Single: the quite palpable fear that if you don't get out of bed, nobody will notice (a proven hypothesis) and if you don't wake up, nobody will notice for days (stay tuned).
Still, onward. Today was a regular followup with my oncologist. Just to ward off concerns, she's sending me for a head MRI and a nuclear bone scan of my hip. Or probably, the entire set of bones, as I believe that's how it's done. Once you've been infused with radioactive isotopes, why not check out the full deal?
Casting back a bit- I was in New Zealand for two months during our summer/their winter. Returned to the eager arms of Fitz only to be informed three weeks later that he had begun a relationship with someone new, and had held off mentioning it until after they'd had sex. Prudent, but savage. So much for seven years together. We were kind of ongoing casual, it is true, but he still shouldn't have been sneaking. And, spreading the idea that he was single and I was just a friendly ex. Obviously, a whole other story.
Two days after our final conversation I lost my purse. Apparently just walked away from it on a streetcar going out of service, and evidently it was not found by a community-minded person. So, bit of a bother replacing BASICALLY EVERYTHING.
I started doing stand-up comedy. Wait, what?? Yes, it's true! Comedy after cancer. My pain threshold has changed, and so has my attitude to what's worth getting nervous about.
I got a really boss tattoo. It was by a visiting artist from Europe, and we had one day to do it. Nine hours, two short breaks. More or less total silence and stillness she required, and got. It was a meditative experience, and a beautiful result. No regret. I also got a small, Maori-themed tattoo while in Auckland: all in all, a shitty exeperience. Not saying I regret it, exactly- but I wish no fortune on the scammy guy who did it.
Having seen Rob once in this calendar year- and, come to think of it, once last year too- it seems apparent he's planning to play hardball when we get around to properly divorcing. Sigh. I'll have to BAMF the crap outta that.
Happy news: I joined a new co-working studio, and it's pretty damn great. I love working around creative people, the coffee is included, and they don't kick a guy out at a 6pm close. It's 24/7! Accordingly, I'm often one of the later people to leave, and I enjoy the quiet walk home. A real urban city-type dweller I am: live and work downtown, public transit, walk everywhere, the occasional Uber.
Lately I'm lonely, tired of being single, but not having much luck on the dating apps. Should probably concentrate on getting work and getting back into shape, you know, self-care stuff. Not quite addressing a deep mistrust of intimacy, and all the ways love fucked me over.
Light-hearted, eh? Just a little ray of sunshine.
Oh! Oh! Other good news. I have hair! It's long, straight again, a little past my shoulders. And I'm just letting it do its own thing: grow, be whatever colour it really is. It's... freeing.
Some notes of magic: meeting other OLJers last year in Australia. Friends for 20 years, finally in the flesh.
Seeing Amsterdam, loved it.
Visiting family- hearing tales of youth from my one surviving Uncle, so lucky to have seen him before he stepped into mystery in the autumn.
Still living with longterm side effects of cancer. Still not quite adjusted to the new reality of my body. In a way, returning to the gym will be like the first time, years ago- building a new body, or a new relationship with the corporeal aspect of my life on earth.
And, I want to write again. Hello world! Nice to see you.
Not that I'm in any mood to write an omnibus of the past two years. For one thing, just coming off a truly messy bout of flu last week. (Yes, I got the vaccine. No, I don't regret that.)
No fever, and I'm not hacking and coughing quite as frequently. But I'm weak as a kitten, and completely without a voice. So strange!
It was odd to revisit the land of Sick n' Single: the quite palpable fear that if you don't get out of bed, nobody will notice (a proven hypothesis) and if you don't wake up, nobody will notice for days (stay tuned).
Still, onward. Today was a regular followup with my oncologist. Just to ward off concerns, she's sending me for a head MRI and a nuclear bone scan of my hip. Or probably, the entire set of bones, as I believe that's how it's done. Once you've been infused with radioactive isotopes, why not check out the full deal?
Casting back a bit- I was in New Zealand for two months during our summer/their winter. Returned to the eager arms of Fitz only to be informed three weeks later that he had begun a relationship with someone new, and had held off mentioning it until after they'd had sex. Prudent, but savage. So much for seven years together. We were kind of ongoing casual, it is true, but he still shouldn't have been sneaking. And, spreading the idea that he was single and I was just a friendly ex. Obviously, a whole other story.
Two days after our final conversation I lost my purse. Apparently just walked away from it on a streetcar going out of service, and evidently it was not found by a community-minded person. So, bit of a bother replacing BASICALLY EVERYTHING.
I started doing stand-up comedy. Wait, what?? Yes, it's true! Comedy after cancer. My pain threshold has changed, and so has my attitude to what's worth getting nervous about.
I got a really boss tattoo. It was by a visiting artist from Europe, and we had one day to do it. Nine hours, two short breaks. More or less total silence and stillness she required, and got. It was a meditative experience, and a beautiful result. No regret. I also got a small, Maori-themed tattoo while in Auckland: all in all, a shitty exeperience. Not saying I regret it, exactly- but I wish no fortune on the scammy guy who did it.
Having seen Rob once in this calendar year- and, come to think of it, once last year too- it seems apparent he's planning to play hardball when we get around to properly divorcing. Sigh. I'll have to BAMF the crap outta that.
Happy news: I joined a new co-working studio, and it's pretty damn great. I love working around creative people, the coffee is included, and they don't kick a guy out at a 6pm close. It's 24/7! Accordingly, I'm often one of the later people to leave, and I enjoy the quiet walk home. A real urban city-type dweller I am: live and work downtown, public transit, walk everywhere, the occasional Uber.
Lately I'm lonely, tired of being single, but not having much luck on the dating apps. Should probably concentrate on getting work and getting back into shape, you know, self-care stuff. Not quite addressing a deep mistrust of intimacy, and all the ways love fucked me over.
Light-hearted, eh? Just a little ray of sunshine.
Oh! Oh! Other good news. I have hair! It's long, straight again, a little past my shoulders. And I'm just letting it do its own thing: grow, be whatever colour it really is. It's... freeing.
Some notes of magic: meeting other OLJers last year in Australia. Friends for 20 years, finally in the flesh.
Seeing Amsterdam, loved it.
Visiting family- hearing tales of youth from my one surviving Uncle, so lucky to have seen him before he stepped into mystery in the autumn.
Still living with longterm side effects of cancer. Still not quite adjusted to the new reality of my body. In a way, returning to the gym will be like the first time, years ago- building a new body, or a new relationship with the corporeal aspect of my life on earth.
And, I want to write again. Hello world! Nice to see you.