(no subject)
Sometimes I think about how 20 months ago I was at a crossroads. That I could choose to go on living my life as usual: smoking, drinking a lot of coffee late at night, being pretentious and acting like my knowledge of artistic things made me superior to other life forms, listening to music that depressed me more than what was healthy, taking late night road trips by myself for no reason, reading every book and poem i could get my hands on without thinking about how they would affect me, and being caught up in an un-ending circle of loving love and hating lovers. Or I could choose to date a man that I didn't know and see where the road took me. Who knew the amount of inner growth that would have occured by making such a simple decision. "Sure, let's meet at the Village. It's a coffee place by my dorm." That meeting changed the course of my life. And sometimes I wonder where I would be if I had chosen differently. If I had never called David back. I don't like to think about it. I love him so much. And I'm so happy. Sometimes I toss the idea around of going to the beach and going to a Hinkley party just to see everyone again. To see how people are and what they're doing with their lives. But I know I can't. Sometimes that bothers me. I'm grateful that my friends are all positive people who really love me now instead of being surrounded by a bunch of people wishing they were still 18 and who would stab me in the back the minute it became advantageous to them. Fortunately I never became close enough to those people for it to get that bad; but, i can remember witnessing the effects of a large group of alcoholic accquaintances who thought they had real friends. Spending all your spare time with people does not make them friends. So I don't know why I want to see them again. Perhaps it's that evil drug nostalgia. Or a wish to reconcile with my past. Maybe I can just chalk it up to morbid curiosity. I don't know. All I know is I am so happy with David. And I'm so thankful I got back on the road on which God had planned for me to be.