fucked up
today has been an emotional roller coaster. but more than that. it's as though I've fallen off the top of the coaster, plummeted to the ground and splattered on the cement which also has nails sticking out of it. i'm so frustrated right now.
ugh
i rearranged my day under the impression something was going to take place and now i've been informed that it's not. though this isn't massively frustrating (plans change, i understand), it just adds to all already badish day. i just want to go outside and sit in the sun...but it's gonna rain all weekend. normally i like the rain but only when i'm in a good mood. when i'm in a foul loathsome mood i hate the rain bc it only perpetuates things by having the audacity to match my insides. its not just this canceled event. i'm pissed off at a lot of things and some people, including and especially myself.
i'm not normally an angry person, mostly bc i have really awesome people surrounding me but lately i'm just boiling over. and i have absolutely no outlet. my writing is shit when i'm angry, as is my drawing (well, my drawing MORE shittier, anyway). i hate feeling like this and i just wanna punch something. this is actually something i could do to someone bc i'm pretty much a wuss and my punches wouldn't hurt anyone. but still...
i just want to accomplish SOMETHING. ANYTHING. i feel like a failure lately. like no matter how hard i try it doesn't matter. it really doesn't. i just want to be a nice person but even that is hard. not bc i can't be nice to people, but because i was so sarcastic for most of last year people expect that of me. not my closest friends but other people. i'm just all over the place. i'm disassembled and i've lost my instruction manual.
ugh
i rearranged my day under the impression something was going to take place and now i've been informed that it's not. though this isn't massively frustrating (plans change, i understand), it just adds to all already badish day. i just want to go outside and sit in the sun...but it's gonna rain all weekend. normally i like the rain but only when i'm in a good mood. when i'm in a foul loathsome mood i hate the rain bc it only perpetuates things by having the audacity to match my insides. its not just this canceled event. i'm pissed off at a lot of things and some people, including and especially myself.
i'm not normally an angry person, mostly bc i have really awesome people surrounding me but lately i'm just boiling over. and i have absolutely no outlet. my writing is shit when i'm angry, as is my drawing (well, my drawing MORE shittier, anyway). i hate feeling like this and i just wanna punch something. this is actually something i could do to someone bc i'm pretty much a wuss and my punches wouldn't hurt anyone. but still...
i just want to accomplish SOMETHING. ANYTHING. i feel like a failure lately. like no matter how hard i try it doesn't matter. it really doesn't. i just want to be a nice person but even that is hard. not bc i can't be nice to people, but because i was so sarcastic for most of last year people expect that of me. not my closest friends but other people. i'm just all over the place. i'm disassembled and i've lost my instruction manual.