My mind is more cruel than reality.

Mar 06, 2004 00:41

"She's died; they've gone away." - from Becky, in Cane

It's a beautiful book, I don't care what you think. When poetry could merge with prose and segments of circular lines and still be unique, honest, unforced.

I didn't go to classes today. Started out, I woke up at 8:08, 8 minutes after my Frinq class had started, so decided to take it easy. Took a shower. Went and bought milk and bread and peanut butter and orange juice. Had a nice breakfast of cinnamon and brown sugar oatmeal with raisins, made from scratch by me, and orange juice, with pulp. Layed back down because I had felt so warm and blissful and comfortable when I woke up. Slept for around 3 hours (though interrupted by the UPS man, somewhere around 10:15) but instead of continued bliss, I instead dreampt variations on the theme of Jake and Katie. Not nightmares in the sense that they involved zombies or violence or fear, but they did plague me throughout the day. I didn't go to any classes. I just couldn't get myself to move.

Jake IMed me this evening. Unexpected. We haven't talked in a while. (Like we ever actually talked... that hasn't happened in at least a couple months now.) But I couldn't bring myself to tell him about the dreams. Referred to it vaguely and stopped there. The dreams are a continuation of a couple I had a few nights back. I really don't need recurring dreams involving that particular topic right now. Or ever. Anything else. Please. Anything...

So I figure, I'll be up all night. Or most of it. I have a lot of work to do, because I was entirely unproductive all goddamn day. Annoyingly unproductive. Like I said, I just couldn't make myself move. I have dishes and laundry to do, not to mention my drawing and color theory final projects. Add on my personal painting endeavors, a dress to sew (measurements, Emily??), and so forth, and I have enough to keep me busy until I die a slow, chemical induced death.

I've been looking at New York City lately. Housing, and to some extent jobs, on craigslist.com. Encouraging, and makes it a little less intimidating overall. But still intimidating. Anyway, off into the wild blue yonder of debt. But that won't be for a few more years.

I still have to get my paperwork done for the Spain study abroad. They cancelled the art orientation class. Ticks me off. The people who run the art department are lying bastards, I've decided. Mainly whats-his-name... um... anyway, the Graphic Design prof. that's in charge of that class and goes around and lies about it every term. He's a bastard. And I can't register for my freshman inquiry and mentor classes because I have too many credits. That's right. I'm not considered a freshman anymore, but I can't register with sophomores yet. But on the upside, I'll have 89 credits by the end of next term, which will be nice. Takes a little bit of the pressure off for next year, I suppose. And I got into medieval studies, which makes me happy. In addition to the intro to painting and alternative drawing classes I want/need. (Thank you for registering me, Jason.)

I'm finally done, I think, with the first drawing for my final project for that class. In reality, it's a collage. And really, it's almost more mixed media, but whatever. I'm not sure I'm really satisfied, but I think it's neat. It's about "the photographic process" more or less. Has xeroxes of my photos of the theatre and of Rik, some cut into test strips, kind of. With paper towels, and white tissue. And some xerox transfers onto tracing paper and then layered and whatnot. It's ok I guess. It's curling though. Annoying. Formalism is annoying.
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