Holiday in Greece
Title:Holiday In Greece
Genre: Humour, Non Magical, AU
Fandom: Harry Potter
Characters: Teddy Lupin, Sirius Black/ Remus Lupin
Rating: All
Spoilers/ Warning: None
Summary: Teddy's lecture on puberty goes awry when Sirius learns an upsetting fact about Remus' own sexual awakenings.
Story Note: This is apart of my Raising Teddy Universe, the rest of which can be found on my page here on FF. Teddy is 11, turning 12 and so takes place before Daddy Issues and quite a few years after Bosom for a Pillow. You don't need to read all the stories to make sense, just know Sirius and Remus are Teddy's fathers. The other stories can be found here. Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to JK Rowling and her publishers. No copyright infringement intended.
>~~~~<
Something was up. Teddy knew it the moment his fathers both walked into his room with expressions that were a mixture of determination and uneasiness. Knowing for a fact that he hadn't got in trouble at school this year (yet), Teddy wondered what they wanted to tell him when Sirius cleared his throat loudly.
"Teddy, it has come to our attention that you're turning twelve soon," Sirius announced, sitting down next to Teddy on the bed with Remus taking the other side.
"I'll make a list of what I want. Last year the presents were a little below par."
"You should be thankful you get presents at all you-" Sirius started to say in anger, which had been Teddy's intention but Remus held up a calming hand.
"Sirius, please, remember why we're here."
"Ahem, yes, now Teddy, since you're getting older, you might start to notice- well you might have all ready started to notice but- uh. Your body...it's changing." Sirius was somehow able to get the sentence out, making Teddy groan inwardly.
"Oh god, we're having that talk."
"Teddy, this is important," insisted Remus.
"We're meant to be talking about this in class this year I think. Can't we skip this and just hope that I learn all I need to then?" asked Teddy hopefully. Talking about sex with his fathers was probably the worst conversation he could have with them. He didn't need any more reminder that the two still had sex regularly and he didn't want them to think about him potentially having sex. It would just be awkwardness all round. Best to avoid it really.
"First off, we want you to know whatever your sexuality, we'll love you no matter what," Sirius began.
"But know that there are different ways to protect yourself and your partner, depending on who they are and uh...what sort of sex you plan on having," continued Remus. Teddy could feel his cheeks burning and wanted to disappear.
"Yes, protection is important," agreed Sirius. "But you know what's more important? Waiting!"
"Sirius-"
"No, he should know that waiting is very much a viable option. In fact it's probably the best option."
"We didn't wait," Remus pointed out and Teddy decided that the fact he was still sitting next to his fathers was proof that there was no merciful god.
"Well he's not going to be as lucky to find his soul mate at his age like we did," Sirius reasoned, pleased at his ability to simultaneously school his son and flatter his husband. Unfortunately, Remus was not flattered.
"Need I remind you of all the girls you ploughed through before you even acknowledged any feelings you might of had for me?" Remus countered.
"Okay, then, assuming he's not an idiot like I was, he won't be as lucky as you were to have me, your soul mate, as your first and only sexual partner," Sirius tried to rephrase but knew by the look on Remus' face that he had made matters worse. Meanwhile, Teddy watched his two fathers with interest, happy with the direction the conversation went. If he was lucky, they would completely forget he was there and what their original intent was.
"What makes you think that you were my first?" demanded Remus, making Sirius sputter.
"Wh-what? I wasn't- who? What are- what are you talking about? Of course I was your first! No other bloke even looked at you back at school. Besides, you said you never went further than kisses with that one girl you saw."
"Summer when I was fifteen, my parents and I spent some of it in Greece."
"Oh yeah, you tried to show us all those boring picture of rocks and such," Sirius shrugged, making Remus even angrier and Teddy knew that he had dodged a bullet. There would be no talk of his sex life today. Perhaps he should rethink his religious persuasions.
"Ruins Sirius, ruins. And I'll have you know the Ancient Greeks are considered a cradle of western hum-"
"Cradle of humanity and culture, yeah I get it. You were telling me about someone you shagged? You sure you just didn't have a dream about one of those pornographic pots you're so obsessed about?"
"Silas Michelakos! His name was Silas Michelakos and he was the fit, tan 16 year-old son of one of our tour guides. Silas appreciated history and me, despite your deranged memories of me being a grotesque sexual outcast. On Crete we found a quiet spot just outside Knossos and shagged. And you know what? As far as first times go, he was much better than you were!" Remus' voice had almost reached shouting level.
"Oh yeah? Well, why didn't you marry him? The two of you could have spent hours upon on hours looking at old, dirty broken sex pots!" Sirius shouted, standing up and glaring at Remus.
"Well I'm sorry I hadn't now!" Remus shouted back, hands clenched in fists. The two men glared at each other before Sirius just walked out and slammed the door behind him. Almost out the door himself, Remus turned back, suddenly remembering why he was in Teddy's room in the first place.
"Oh, sorry Teddy. Um...just always remember, condoms."
"Yes dad." Teddy smiled a tight smile, nodding at his father. Remus nodded back and went back to following Sirius. Knowing that he had got off rather luckily, Teddy decided to dial up one of his friends to ask if he could spend the night. Teddy had been around his fathers enough and gone through many of their spats to know that it wouldn't last. By tonight they'd have made up or be making up in bed and Teddy never liked to accidently hear the strange sounds that were bound to make their way through the walls. Nowadays, he simply spent the night at a mate's when his fathers had a fight. Teddy knew that they actually appreciated him leaving when they were fighting though it was an unspoken matter.
Picking up his phone, Teddy rolled his eyes when he heard a rather colourful suggestion from Sirius about where Remus should stick all those 'rocks' he liked digging through so much.
>~~~~<
In a way to annoy Sirius further, Remus ordered some Mediterranean food for dinner. He was secretly relieved when Teddy had asked to go to a friend's house for the night as Remus never liked making Teddy witness the petty fights that he and Sirius sometimes had. Grumbling and poking at some goat cheese, Sirius looked round the table and suddenly noticed Teddy's absence.
"Where's the kid?"
"I let him go to a friend's for the night," Remus answered before taking a hearty bite from his souvlaki.
"Why didn't any one ask me if I thought it was all right?"
"Because you were too busy cursing all of Greece," explained Remus, shutting Sirius up. They went back to staring at their food when Sirius suddenly broke the silence.
"That talk didn't go like we'd planned, did it?" Sirius frowned.
"No, then again we hadn't planned on you telling Teddy about your assumptions of my sexual past."
"You never mentioned a Silas. When you were telling us all about your trip to Greece," Sirius stated, looking a bit like a kicked puppy. Remus couldn't help but feel bad.
"Well, not like I was going to tell you lot. I didn't want to start a discussion about my sexuality. Wasn't sure how you'd take it."
"I think I took it quite well in the end," Sirius smiled timidly. "You know, that year when you came back from Greece, you seemed...more confidant I suppose. It's when I started to notice you. I mean really notice you and how I felt."
"Then maybe we should thank Silas," suggested Remus.
"Remus, I never saw you as a sexual outcast...okay well maybe a little when I was shagging all those birds but never, ever grotesque," promised Sirius, reaching out to take Remus' hand in his. His eyes were sincere and Remus gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.
"Silas wasn't all that good."
"No, that's all right. I know I was rubbish our first time. Though in my defence I was dead nervous."
"What Silas and I did, it was just rubbing up against each other. It wasn't anything further. You were my first when it came to the anal sex. And you were quite good at that," assured Remus. "You are much better than he could ever be. Trust me."
"Follow me to bed now and I'll make sure you forget everything Silas ever said and did to you," Sirius propositioned with a sexy suggestive eyebrow and smirk- the look that Remus could never resist.
"Silas who?" Asked Remus, following Sirius to bed.