Pretty Baby (3/6)
Merlin smiled fondly over the top of his beer bottle. The lighting was low, cheap red, blue and green lights were swirling around the dance floor, reminding Merlin of childhood school dicos rather than a grown up club. The objects of his affection were on said dancefloor now, it had to be said, making complete arses of themselves. Arthur was twirling Gwen around under his outstretched arm, then dragged her close, flush to his body, with a "Oh yeah baby!" Gwen was sniggering.
"Yes, these manly moves are convincing me of your hard man marine status!"
Arthur held out his arms and clicked his fingers. "Watch and learn." He gave a loud howl, causing Merlin to roll his eyes. Arthur apparently was under the illusion that he was Michael Jackson. He felt his breath catch in his throat as Arthur spun quickly down, landing on the floor. Once there, he leapt over a somersault, but wih no hands touching the floor. Bringing himself to the floor, he spun on his head. Merlin watched, mesmerised.
"Break dancing! Are you kidding me?" cried Lancelot incredulouly, as he banged his tray of drinks on the table. Merlin started.
"Umm... yeah?" he offered. Lancelot raised his eyebrows knowingly.
"Enjoying the view to much to mock, hmm Merlin?" Merlin coloured, then was glad of the distraction of a minor commotion on the dancefloor. Gwen had pushed at Arthur's legs whilst performing his head-spin, causing him to topple over. But the marine's lightening fast reflexes could not be beaten, and as he fell he caught the back of Gwen's knees with his leg, causing her to land on him. At the crash everyone looked up to see a beautiful couple tangled in each other on the floor, with the man laughing, calling the woman naughty minx and the woman enquiring through mirth, if he had ever heard of gentlemanly behaviour.
As Arthur stood and pulled Gwen upright, something caught in Merlin's innards. A familiar emptiness, similer to that of acute hunger, but a hunger that you knew had no hope of being filled. What he saw was perfection in it's beauty. Arthur looked so right with Gwen and Merlin felt that his very presense sullied them. That was who this marine should be, continuously dazzling, not hampered by him.
"Lancelot, get your arse over here! I'm not having your date for you!" yelled Arthur. "Although I can give you some tips if you like?"
Lancelot grinned and ambled over to Gwen, taking her hand and giving Arthur a wry smile. "I hardly need tips from queers Lieutenent."
"Oh, I can seduce all people given three minutes. It's all part of my mystique." Lancelot laughed at that.
"I'll bear that in mind sir" he said, leading Gwen to a quieter corner.
Arthur strolled back to Merlin, swinging his arms and threw himself down on the seat next to him. Swigging his beer, he gestured towards Lancelot and Gwen. "See, our match-making is exemplary. They fancy the pants off each other."
Merlin jerked himself from his disturbing ruminations and looked up catching Arthur's eye. He could not help but feel warm in his presense. Arthur had this ability to make Merlin feel as though the oxygen was being removed from the atmosphere, just by being in the same vicinity with him. He smirked. "You sure you're a marine, 'cause I swear your just too soppy. I reckon you're really a member of YMCA and the uniform is just your stage costume! I've seen the evidence in your "dancing" tonight!"
"Firstly, it's Village People. YMCA was the song, you prawn. Secondly, my men perform better when they're not sexually frustrated, so the more of them I can palm off on to nympho midwives, the better." Merlin opened his mouth to protest, but his boyfriend laid a finger steadily on his lips. "Thirdly, Lieutenents are less likely to end up killed when being serviced by nympho midwives."
Merlin caught his hand in his and yanked him upright. "Let's get out of here." Arthur grinned and strode out to the car. Merlin followed behind, muttering to no one under his breath. "Make the most of this while you can."
Merlin was used to having sexy dreams that more often than not involved waking up feeling rather sticky. He had been single for so long now that it had become part of his nightly routine. Brush his teeth, take off clothes, go to sleep, wake up messy. He had thought that a new boyfriend would end his horny night time escapades, but in the midst of, as he was, an amazing dream, he concluded his assumptions were wrong. He could feel himself approaching his climax, imagining a blond, chiselled god, all firm muscles and strong planes. That is until he realised that he was waking, and the dream wasn't stopping.
He opened his eyes to see a flaxen head bobbing between his legs and the realisation that his dream was real overwhelmed him. Merlin came in that instant harder than he had in years, falling back on the bed, dazed and tingling.
Arthur emerged from his nether regions looking far to pleased with himself. He crawled over Merlin's chest and kissed him hard. "Good morning" Arthur smirked, placing extra emphasis on the 'good'. Merlin pushed him off to the side, running his fingers unconsciously up and down Arthur's chest.
"What in the name of God's arse was that?"
"I've always wanted to wake someone that way."
"Always wanted to prove how superior you are at all things, even 'good mornings' you mean" smiled Merlin lazily. "Although, it sure beats a cheesy radio alarm, or a cock crowing."
Arthur raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I don't know, I definately saw a cock crowing this morning!"
"Dirty bitch, Ow!" yelled Merlin, as Arthur hit him with a pillow. "Enough with the domestic violence already, I have to get ready for purgatory. Sorry, I mean work."
Arthur laughed. "Merlin, I can't believe that everyone who gives birth is as insane as you describe. I kill dictators that are more normal than your patients! I swear you make it up."
Merlin stuck out his tongue. "Look, there may be normal pregnant women, but all the weirdos find me. I swear I have a neon sign on my head declaring "Merlin, friend of freaks". Plus, it's a matter of science. Clever people tend to be sensible about family sizes and use family planning, thus they have less kids. Thick as George Bush people, well, they can definately work out how to shag, but planning? Uh uh. Usually they think a crisp packet can be used as a condom or..."
At this Arthur guffawed laughing. "You cannot be serious!"
"Yes I am. And don't interrupt me when I'm moaning. Honestly, stupid people can work out how to shag, but not a lot else. Thus they have a proportionally higher number of children."
"And thus ends the science lesson" laughed Arthur, standing and moving over to Merlin to wrap his arms around his waist. "All this time I thought the danger to society was terrorists and self serving governments. Instead I find we are in danger of being taken over by chavs."
"Exactly" said Merlin. "Last week I had the woman whose husband thought he could get in the birth pool with her. Naked. Then I had the one who thought giving a nauseous baby scrambled egg was a good idea. And yesterday this insane mare wanted to use ballroom dancing as pain relief!"
"I'll have to try that technique next time I get shot" murmured Arthur, nuzzling Merlin's neck. "It's two hours till you need to be there. Come back to bed and we'll make it more bearable." His hands gravitated to Merlin's arse, cupping the cheeks and carressing them.
Merlin jumped back as if he'd been stung. "No, I need to shower now. Um, might take a while to, um, wash my hair. Yeah, wash my hair and..." Merlin could hear himself babbling, but he couldn't stop. Arthur was staring at him questioningly, then a gleam filled his eyes.
"Playing hard to get will always work Merlin! Come here! I have needs too." He darted to Merlin, catching his arms around his neck, allowing them to drift down to carress his back. Merlin leapt back again, pushing Arthur physically with his hands.
"I said no. Which bit of that was hard for you to understand?"
Perplexion haunted Arthur's face. "Okay, I thought you were playing Merlin. No need for the amateur dramatics. It's not like I'm forcing you."
"No, you're not. This may suprise you, but I wasn't created to fill your needs. And You won't push me into doing filthy things like that."
Now Arthur had gone from bermused to a mixture of confusion and pissed off. Merlin saw the look on his lover's face, the look that said "How the hell did I end up in this?". He ignored it, turning towards the bedroom door.
"You know, I don't need you casting aspersions on my character when I have done fuck all to deserve it. When have I ever treated you like a possession or tried to force you into anything? I stroked your arse while hugging you. News flash Einstein. Even high school kids do that."
"But that was just the beginning" cried Merlin, wishing he could stop his bout of verbal diarrhoea, but unable to control his mouth. He could hear the venom he was unleashing, but it seemed to be out of his lips before he had engaged his brain into thinking. He knew he was being unreasonable. But his emotions were acting without his volition today. "You wanted to satisfy yourself and were trying to lead me there subtley. I won't be pushed into that!"
"Well," Arthur's voice was cold and eerily calm. " Actually, I was just trying to go with the flow of the moment. No 'debauched' ideas. But I think there is something off when a gay man calls something that is a huge part of many gay people, filthy. Makes you sound like a fundamentalist American, and believe me, I've dealt with my fill of those."
Tears filled Merlin's eyes at those words and he turned to head for the shower. "I need to get to work and I'm not dignifying that with a response."
Looking at the ceiling, Arthur held his hands out, palm up, and gave a small scream. "Why are you so desperate for work? Is that the real reason you do what you do? Can't handle males so you spend all day looking at female anatomy?"
Merlin wouldn't turn, didn't want Arthur to see his tears. He couldn't show weakness. He wanted to throw something at him. Instead he slammed the door, yelling "You can be such an utter prick!"
He spent as long in the shower as he could and dressed in clothes that he had drying on the radiator in there. He couldn't face Arthur at the moment. He tried to slip out of his flat unseen, but was foiled by Arthur running after him down the street, calling his name. On turning he saw Arthur had not had time to put on clothes but was in the street wrapped only in a duvet.
"Merlin. What was that? We can't leave it like this. I'm sorry for... whatever it is. Just talk to me."
Merlin took in a deep breath. "Your creating a scene. Go in and put some clothes on. I don't want the neighbours complaining. I'm going to work." And he got in his car without a backward glance and left, ignoring a dejected Arthur left, mostly naked on the pavement.
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"Merlin, I know we've been going easy on you today. You've obviously been upset. But I really need you to take the patient that's just come in." Gaia's welsh lilt and concern were oddly comforting today. As was throwing himself into something that he knew he did well, regardless of his moaning.
"Sure thing. Who is it?"
"Roda Abdullah in room 9. Here are her notes. Oh and could you take Will with you? He's a student midwife and needs a mentor. So no showing off Merlin, just teach him the practical stuff." Gaia's eyes were twinkling.
"Yes ma'am" said Merlin, bringing his hand up to his forehead to salute. "No magic tricks in the presense of students."
Gaia rolled her eyes. "Your Arthur would kill you for that pathetic excuse for a salute." At the mention of Arthur's name, Merlin could feel the ache in his gut again, so he cut it off with distraction.
"Will!" he beckoned to the student with his index finger. "Come and have a read through of the notes"
Will stood skimming the pages, chewing the tip of his pen. "What's FGM?" he asked.
"Oh," said Merlin, gathering the notes to himself to check them. "It stands for female genital mutilation."
"What?" Will looked confused.
Merlin smiled knowingly. "You must be a first year, am I right?" Will nodded. "Basically it's female circumsision. Which is how you should refer to it with circumsised women. They don't like being called mutilated. However, it's illegal in the UK, so they call it FGM so show that we think it's a barbaric practice, not equateable with male circumsision."
"But, how do you circumcise a woman anyway?"
"Well, they vary in how much, but basically they cut off parts of the vulva, ranging from just the clitoris to everything on the outside."
Will had gone a strange shade of green. "What in the hell for?"
Merlin was beginning to wonder if this was the best first case for Will to be involved with. "Cultural reasons. They believe it keeps a woman faithful, as she'll never enjoy sex again. It's usually the mothers who take their daughters to have it done. They're not evil, they really think it's best for their child. It's mostly in Northern African countries. Gaia!" Merlin called. "Are you sure this lady won't mind men caring for her?"
Gaia shook her head. "No, it's been a request of hers. She doesn't trust female midwives. She seems a lovely lady Merlin. But she doesn't speak much English."
Merlin laughed. "I knew there'd be a catch! C'mon Will."
Will followed him down the corridor. "Why won't she trust female staff?"
Merlin sighed. "In those countries, it's often the traditional midwives that perform the circumcision. No anaesthetic. No hospital. It's unusual for them to prefer male staff even so, but if it's her wish." They reached the door. "After you smiled Merlin."
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Merlin loved Roda. They could not communicate with language but somehow they were getting by. She was a beautiful woman. She had dark brown eyes, like polished ebony. Her skin was almost two tone in colour, a gorgeous coffee colour with a sheen on the top. She had henna patterns on her fingers, hands and feet. She didn't make any fuss about her pain and laughed loudly when Merlin's attempts at communication failed.
The worst had been when Merlin needed a urine sample. He held up a pot pointing at it. "Urine." he said. "Urrrrr innnnn" he added slowly and carefully. Roda blinked nonplussed. "Do a wee, weeeee" he tried again. "Pee? Do you get pee? Piss? Oh God no, I shouldn't say that. Umm..." He glared over at Will, who was hiding behind the cupboard door, shoulders shaking with laughter. Merlin decided a knew tactic. "Psh" he began, in his best imitation of urinating noises. Roda looked at him as if he had just grown two rather large heads. "Psss" he tried again louder, this time gesturing to his croutch. Roda stared in astonishment as Merlin waved his hand from his groin downwards, whilst crouching and making water noises. She began to giggle.
"Oh this is hopeless!" declared Merlin. "Let's go and see if we can print a translation off of google." Will nodded and dutifully followed him.
"Why do you want a translation? I mean, that was going so well!"
"Can it you, I have almighty power to fail you remember" said Merlin jokingly. "Oh, that was so embarrassing! I think she now believes that waving your hand out from your vagina whilst making noises is an English form of greeting."
Will snickered. "Hey, it probably should be. And did you just say you were waving from your vagina? Anything you care to share?"
Merlin glared. "I meant from her point of view. Now shut up being clever and get me that translation."
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He would have enjoyed this delivery if it hadn't been for Roda's husband making an appearance. Whilst Roda giggled and got by with hand signals and a lot of humour. Her husband could speak english and did speak. Frequently. He was trying Merlins patience with his frequent demands about hurrying up. He disappeared six times during her labour to watch DVDs in his car. Roda did not appear to complain. In fact she seemed to cater to his evry whim.
It came to a head when Roda began to push and her husband started making scissor motions with his hands, saying if Merlin just made some cuts, the baby would come out sooner. Merlin scowled.
"Totally unhelpful, wouldn't work and ridiculously painful for her. So no!" He wondered how a lovely woman like Roda had come to deserve this idiot of a husband. He watched in awe as she gracefully pushed and pushed until they could see the baby's head.
"Now," whispered Merlin, addressing Will. "We encourage a slow delivery of the head to avoid tearing, particularly with FGM, as all that scarring doesn't stretch well like normal flesh and we want to discourage bad tearing."
Roda's husband launched in on the conversation. "We don't care about tears, I just want my baby out. Give her a big cut and get on with it." He was making cutting motions with his hands again. Merlin lost his temper.
"You are the most abusive, ignorant idiot I've ever seen. You can piss off out of my delivery room because your presense here is not in the best interests of my patient!"
The man looked dumbfounded. "But..."
"I said get out!" With gaping mouth the man turned and exited the room.
Half an hour later, Roda delivered a beautiful baby boy, with a mass of black afro hair and huge, dark eyes like his mothers. She needed minimal stitching and Merlin was feeling suddenly satisfied. "Mahadsanid" said Roda, touching his arm. He could feel himself grinning like an idiot as he left her to call her family.
"What did she say?" asked Will.
Merlin grinned. "You can understand 'thank you' in any language" he murmured.
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"Are you alright hun?" asked Gwen, flopping down besides Merlin as he munched on his sandwich. Her eyes were wide with concern.
"Of course" Merlin tried to say, which was difficult as his mouth was full. He coughed as a crumb went down the wrong way. Gwen hit him on the shoulder blades.
"Careful. And no, I don't believe you. It's not like you to shout at visitors, even annoying ones. What happened?"
Merlin groused under his breath, making noises about disloyal students who were traitors and would be on enema duty next shift.
"Don't take it out on Will, he was worried you might get complained about and he asked me about it. Merlin," and here Gwen took both his hands in hers. "What's wrong?"
He thought back. What was wrong? True, the man was a bit of a bastard, but Merlin dealt with bastards all the time. It was part and parcel of the NHS. What had been different today?
"I suppose," he began. " I hated the way he treated her as though she were nothing, just a means to an ends. It's abusive, but it was a type of mental abuse that. I don't know!" He began flailing his arms in the air and to his horror, realised he had tears bedimming his eyes. "It took away her humanity!" he finished.
Gwen stared and rubbed his hands between hers. "I see. We all want to say those things to those arseholes. But you know we can't. It's not our place."
"Then whose place is it?" Merlin wretchedly tried to wipe his tears away. Gwen frowned in concern.
"You're not alright. Something's really upset you. Do you want me to call Arthur?"
"No! Good God no!" Merlin hysterically cried, puting his face in his hands, leaning his elbows on his knees.
"Why not? I thought he could always make you feel better. Are you trying not to worry him because I don't think he'd mind, he likes looking after you. Not that I think he sees you as someone who has to be looked after. But I get that you don't want to bother him. Not that he finds you a bother but..."
"Gwen!" Merlin cut her off before she could babble any further. "I just don't want him here okay." He could feel the shock coming off of Gwen without looking up. Her curiosity was piqued, and he could sense it trying to overcome him.
"But, I thought that you two were like Elizabeth and Darcy, madly in love to the point of making us all vomit?"
"Then you thought wrong, I can't feel that way about him."
Gwen fixed her eyes on him, narrowing them in disbelief. After a long silence, she got up and left the staff room. "Okay, whatever you say." And she stalked out of the room.
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It was six pm and Merlin was sipping on a cup of tea, exhausted having been working hard since seven am, when Gwen walked in sniffling.
"Gwen?" he asked worriedly, moving over to where she was. "What's upset you? Come here." He drew her into a hug and she let herself cry on his shoulder until her body began to relax. She looked up at him and gave a watery smile through the veil of her tears.
"He just called to tell me. I'm just being a sissy, and a ridiculous sissy at that. After all, I've only known him a few days. But I thought we had a connection. And so here I am blubbing like a right moron. Very teenage girl of me. Though I see you were telling the truth earlier. You're not upset at all." This was all said rather disjointedly and Merlin was struggling to keep up.
"Woah Gwen, slow down. I don't have the faintest idea what you're talking about. What's upset you?"
"You know," sniffed Gwen. "The regiment transfer." Merlin felt his blood run cold. The look of horror must have shown on his face.
"You didn't know?" asked Gwen. Merlin shook his head. "Those marines are being transferred to Germany, indefinately. And, well, I'll just miss Lancelot and worry about him, that's all. But" and here she siled encouragingly. "At least your not in love with Arthur, or it would be even harder for you. "
The colour drained from Merlin's face and the ache that had been his constant companion the last few weaks suddenly grew to full on agony. "Arthur's going too?"
"Well of course" she sighed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. "He's one of their senior officers. Like I said, at least you won't miss him."
Merlin clutched at his hair with both hands, messing it up even more than usual. "But I will! Oh God Gwen, I'll miss him so much. When he's gone it's like all beauty in this world has faded."
"But, you said you could never love him?" Gwen stated, confused.
"And you believed me? Gwen, I love him so much it hurts, and I'm so scared of how much he makes me feel for him. Why, why, why didn't he tell me he was being transferred?"
"Oh, is that your young man Merlin?" asked Gaia, breezing into the room. "Is that why he stopped by earlier, to tell you he was going away?"
Merlin was speechless. "He, he stopped by?"
"Yes, around lunch time he came to see you. Said he had important business with you. I did tell him that he can't just expect regular access to a secure maternity unit, but then I suppose you know how lordly he can be. He's a man I would be afraid to say no to. Anyway, I let him in and directed him to the staff room."
"He heard!" Merlin cried. "Of course he heard, why would fate ever give me a break! And now he's leaving me. Oh God, what do I do?"
"But Merlin" put in Gwen, who felt that he needed to gain some clarity on the situation. "He might have overheard you, but the point is, you did say those things. Why did you if you didn't mean them?"
Merlin collapsed on a nearby chair, he was physically trembling and he felt sick. His brain was screaming "How do I fix this?" "I was just so scared Gwen. He's perfect, looks like he might be an ancient sun god or something. All golden and shining. He's brave and fights to protect his country. It couldn't last between us, he'd soon realise that he deserved better than me. And after what happened to me last time..." He shuddered and a solitary tear slid down his cheek.
Gwen sat by him, arm wrapped around his shoulder. "Merlin, I might sound harsh now, but trust me, you need it. I know what happened with Kanen hurt you. I know your scared of being used again, but you can't punish Arthur for what Kanen did. Your bollocksing up your own relationship. And most importantly, baby, your breaking your own heart. Now go sort it out."
Merlin looked at her bemused. "Is bollocksing even a word?"
"Well, it's the best description of you right now" she flashed back. "Merlin, go find him. Tell him how you feel. What have you got to lose?"
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He had distracted the door guards with the two vehicles he used his telekinesis on to cause a collision. He forced the security cameras to remain static and pointing away from his position. Now he was creeping down the corridor, trying to sense Arthur behind the doors of the military base. He had no idea how, but since they had been together he had had an acute awareness of Arthur's presense. He had tried to convince himself that it was his magic, but then he had never had this awareness of anyone else. Passing one door he felt music and sweet perfume and crashing wave run through his veins. He had no idea how else to describe it, but he knew that Arthur was behind that door.
He stood for about three minutes, rehearsing under his breath what he would say, until impatiently he realised he was procrastinating, and he swung the door open.
Arthur was packing a case and he looked up in suprise. "Merlin?" He hurried over, grabbing his armand pulling him into the room, then slammed the door. "You great idiot! You can't go breaking into military bases! And don't go telling me they let you in, because we both know that's crap!" He began to simmer down, Awkwardness settling between them. "What the hell do you want anyway?"
He turned away from Merlin, aloof, which was a manner he had never been before with Merlin. It made his chest constrict with pain but he determined to continue. "I'm sorry Arthur" he bagan slowly, and Arthur looked up in shock. " I know I've acted like an insane person today, but can you believe me when I say that there are reasons why and that none of them are your fault? Can you accept that you're the best thing that's ever happened to me? Can you trust me when I say that I loved you so much I was scared and that now I'm so scared that I'm losing you?" At that, Merlins slow and controlled monologue dissolved into tears. Arthur moved instinctively over to him and wrapped him up in his arms. Cacooned in the warm Arthurian embrace, Merlin felt safe, that he had come home.
"I'm so sorry" he mumbled. "I didn't mean a thing I said."
"Shh" soothed Arthur, running his fingers through Merlins charcoal hair. "It's okay. I'm not going anywhere." He lead Merlin over to his bed and laid them both down, dragging Merlin into the crook of his neck. Holding him secure.
They stayed like that for a long while, just holding each other, relishing in the safety of the other. Arthur kissed his cheek gently. "So some one has hurt you then?" said Arthur. It was more of a statement than a question.
"Yeah" Merlin replied, feeling Arthur bristle under him. "Not the way you're thinking though. Give me time and we can talk about it." Arthur nodded and kissed his hair, inhaling the scent.
"Idiot! Jeopardising our romance for that? You do realise that I could have just killed the bastard don't you?" smirked Arthur.
"What?" frowned Merlin, confused.
Arthur pointed his finger at himself. "Ruthless, trained killer, remeber?" Merlin smiled and snuggled back into his lovers embrace.
"I'd rather you didn't get court martialled thank you. They wouldn't let us have sex in prison."
Arthur sighed, sitting up and pushing Merlin off. Merlin looked at him, wide eyed and questioning.
"We need to talk about this Merlin. This is the military. I still have to go where I'm told, even if we are together. I do have to be stationed in Germany. It's my duty. We will be separated." His face was pleading, begging Merlin to understand.
Merlin grinned. "No we won't because I'm coming with you." Arthur snorted.
"They don't allow civilians Merlin. And what would you do? Scare the enemy silly with birth stories. Actually," he mused "That might work."
"No, I'm coming because I've joined up. You are looking at an army staff miwife, in charge of looking after female officers and officers wives. And yes, I have been placed in Germany."
Arthur was standing there, mouth hanging open. "You joined up just so you could be with me?" he asked finally, mouth dry. "That's incredible."
"What can I say" said Merlin, depositing himself on Arthur's lap and entwining his arms around his neck. "Guess I might just be a little bit crazy about you."
Arthur leaned forward to kiss him, stopping literally two millimetres away from Merlin's lips. "Hang on.How did you get an application through so fast? And how did you get to choose where you were placed? And actually, how the hell did you get in here tonight?"
Merlin flushed guiltily, remembering the magic he had used to manipulate the system. "Can we talk about this when we talk about the other thing? See, right now, all I want to do is see if I can make your cock crow, sing, dance and do backflips."
Arthur shivered. " Okay" he said, feeling Merlin reach for his fly. "In the morning then."">