a joke for all to enjoy.
now this joke was relayed to me by a friend so please dont take it the wrong way, enjoy.
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "when i am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, i put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if i start to get nervous i take a sip".
So the following sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. sip the vodka, dont gulp.
2. there are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. there are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. we do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When david was hit by a rock that knocked him off his donkey, dont say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke bread at the last supper he said, " Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary without the Cherry".
13. the recommended grace before a meal is not " rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yeah god."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
well thats it hope nobody was too offended, thanks for reading.
:D
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "when i am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, i put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if i start to get nervous i take a sip".
So the following sunday he took the monsignor's advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. sip the vodka, dont gulp.
2. there are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. there are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. we do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.
9. When david was hit by a rock that knocked him off his donkey, dont say he was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".
11. When Jesus broke bread at the last supper he said, " Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12. The Virgin Mary is not called " Mary without the Cherry".
13. the recommended grace before a meal is not " rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub, yeah god."
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St.Taffy's.
well thats it hope nobody was too offended, thanks for reading.
:D