Sometimes when you leap, you crash
I've been struggling with writing about this for some time, because I don't like to talk about work/career related things online, and opening myself up like this isn't easy. But it's time.
I moved back to Grand Rapids from Chicago over a year ago. I started looking for work in GR immediately, though I will admit I wasn't looking very hard then. I was still working for my Chicago firm remotely, and it didn't seem that urgent. Working for the Chicago firm continued until May of 2010 (at a reduced salary from January through May), when we finally reached a natural point of separation. That's when my job search intensified. In the last 6 months, then, I have been applying for jobs, networking, and interviewing like a fiend. I have found many "perfect" for me positions. I have gotten through second round interviews with some of those positions.
And I have been rejected. Every time.
I don't know what's happening. My resume is solid. Beyond solid. I can't count how many interviewers have told me that I have a great resume, one that stands out from the rest, etc. I've applied for any type of job that might match my skills: Lawyer, writer, editor, compliance, professor - and in any industry where my background might work: Private practice, corporate, government, non-profit, academic. I've applied multiple times at the same companies when they list new openings (trying not to imagine the HR people laughing that this deluded person is applying again as they auto-generate a rejection letter to me). I'm not asking for nearly what I'm worth in terms of salary. I've adjusted my salary expectations to reflect the local market, recession conditions as a whole, you name it. I've talked about salary in clear terms, naming the absolute lowest I can go to be able to pay my monthly bills, and I've been up front about money from the first interview. It doesn't matter. Nothing I do seems to matter.
I've been in interviews where I know I've knocked it out of the park, only to be rejected. I've been told in an interview that a decision would be made in 2-3 weeks, and then gotten a rejection letter the next day. I've interviewed for a job where the description seemed to be written for me, and the interviewers agreed with that, only to get that rejection letter/email like clockwork afterward. I've submitted resumes through inside contacts, and still gotten the standard form rejection letter. I've gotten interviews because I knew someone high up inside the company, and been rejected. Every trick, every way in, everything, has resulted in rejection.
I can only imagine the reasons why I'm rejected, since of course no employer will ever tell you a true reason. It seems like companies don't care about hiring the best person for the job. They don't care about hiring a person who brings experience to the table, or something new to their company, or skills that can help the company navigate the modern world. I don't know what they care about. I can only imagine that they want the cheapest person they can find. I don't know, though. I don't know anything I thought I knew.
For someone like me, with multiple degrees, this all feels like an utter betrayal. I did everything right. I went to college, I went to law school. I didn't get knocked up, or marry some loser, or commit a crime. I worked hard to expand my world, to make sure I got through school, to gain a wide range of experience (and I went into major debt to do it). And now I wonder why I bothered. If I'd skipped all my schooling, stayed in GR and never moved to Chicago, I might have MORE luck finding a job, I'd certainly have less debt, and I wouldn't need a certain salary to pay on that debt. What's the bigger failure? To have tried and have nothing to show for it, or to have just settled for less?
I moved back to Michigan to be closer to my family, to reacquaint myself with my hometown, and to enjoy a less frenetic pace of life. And it's been great in so many ways. I love the time I get to spend with my family, I love my friends here - new and old, I love the old and new places I've discovered. I've been teaching at a local university, and it turns out I'm pretty good at it. Too bad $2000 per class per semester as an adjunct (naturally there are no full time positions, and I'm too new to get one, anyway) might as well be nothing in terms of the bills I have to pay.
Any savings I had, any retirement money I had, is gone. I've had to borrow from friends and family in the last couple of months just to pay rent/bills, and I don't know how I'll pay them back. I don't know where my rent is coming from in a couple of short weeks. I've considered filing bankruptcy, but since student loans can't be discharged that way, I'd still have a ton of debt after I filed. I don't even know how I'd move into a smaller place (or in with my parents - at 36! Awesome!), because I don't have money to move. I don't even have anything I can sell, since everything I own is cheap/sale type stuff. Payback for being a bargain hunter, I guess.
Today I will apply for more jobs in Michigan, even though this state seems unwilling to hire me for anything. And tomorrow, I apply for jobs everywhere else, including Chicago. I really don't want to move back to Chicago, much as I miss my friends there, with my head hung in defeat. I don't want to move out of Michigan again, honestly, because it will be unlikely I can ever move back. I would truly love to work here and stay here. But if I can't work, I can't live. And this place won't hire me to work, seemingly no matter what I do. So I have to broaden my view. Again.
I'd really like to know, though: How many times do I have to start my life over from scratch?
I moved back to Grand Rapids from Chicago over a year ago. I started looking for work in GR immediately, though I will admit I wasn't looking very hard then. I was still working for my Chicago firm remotely, and it didn't seem that urgent. Working for the Chicago firm continued until May of 2010 (at a reduced salary from January through May), when we finally reached a natural point of separation. That's when my job search intensified. In the last 6 months, then, I have been applying for jobs, networking, and interviewing like a fiend. I have found many "perfect" for me positions. I have gotten through second round interviews with some of those positions.
And I have been rejected. Every time.
I don't know what's happening. My resume is solid. Beyond solid. I can't count how many interviewers have told me that I have a great resume, one that stands out from the rest, etc. I've applied for any type of job that might match my skills: Lawyer, writer, editor, compliance, professor - and in any industry where my background might work: Private practice, corporate, government, non-profit, academic. I've applied multiple times at the same companies when they list new openings (trying not to imagine the HR people laughing that this deluded person is applying again as they auto-generate a rejection letter to me). I'm not asking for nearly what I'm worth in terms of salary. I've adjusted my salary expectations to reflect the local market, recession conditions as a whole, you name it. I've talked about salary in clear terms, naming the absolute lowest I can go to be able to pay my monthly bills, and I've been up front about money from the first interview. It doesn't matter. Nothing I do seems to matter.
I've been in interviews where I know I've knocked it out of the park, only to be rejected. I've been told in an interview that a decision would be made in 2-3 weeks, and then gotten a rejection letter the next day. I've interviewed for a job where the description seemed to be written for me, and the interviewers agreed with that, only to get that rejection letter/email like clockwork afterward. I've submitted resumes through inside contacts, and still gotten the standard form rejection letter. I've gotten interviews because I knew someone high up inside the company, and been rejected. Every trick, every way in, everything, has resulted in rejection.
I can only imagine the reasons why I'm rejected, since of course no employer will ever tell you a true reason. It seems like companies don't care about hiring the best person for the job. They don't care about hiring a person who brings experience to the table, or something new to their company, or skills that can help the company navigate the modern world. I don't know what they care about. I can only imagine that they want the cheapest person they can find. I don't know, though. I don't know anything I thought I knew.
For someone like me, with multiple degrees, this all feels like an utter betrayal. I did everything right. I went to college, I went to law school. I didn't get knocked up, or marry some loser, or commit a crime. I worked hard to expand my world, to make sure I got through school, to gain a wide range of experience (and I went into major debt to do it). And now I wonder why I bothered. If I'd skipped all my schooling, stayed in GR and never moved to Chicago, I might have MORE luck finding a job, I'd certainly have less debt, and I wouldn't need a certain salary to pay on that debt. What's the bigger failure? To have tried and have nothing to show for it, or to have just settled for less?
I moved back to Michigan to be closer to my family, to reacquaint myself with my hometown, and to enjoy a less frenetic pace of life. And it's been great in so many ways. I love the time I get to spend with my family, I love my friends here - new and old, I love the old and new places I've discovered. I've been teaching at a local university, and it turns out I'm pretty good at it. Too bad $2000 per class per semester as an adjunct (naturally there are no full time positions, and I'm too new to get one, anyway) might as well be nothing in terms of the bills I have to pay.
Any savings I had, any retirement money I had, is gone. I've had to borrow from friends and family in the last couple of months just to pay rent/bills, and I don't know how I'll pay them back. I don't know where my rent is coming from in a couple of short weeks. I've considered filing bankruptcy, but since student loans can't be discharged that way, I'd still have a ton of debt after I filed. I don't even know how I'd move into a smaller place (or in with my parents - at 36! Awesome!), because I don't have money to move. I don't even have anything I can sell, since everything I own is cheap/sale type stuff. Payback for being a bargain hunter, I guess.
Today I will apply for more jobs in Michigan, even though this state seems unwilling to hire me for anything. And tomorrow, I apply for jobs everywhere else, including Chicago. I really don't want to move back to Chicago, much as I miss my friends there, with my head hung in defeat. I don't want to move out of Michigan again, honestly, because it will be unlikely I can ever move back. I would truly love to work here and stay here. But if I can't work, I can't live. And this place won't hire me to work, seemingly no matter what I do. So I have to broaden my view. Again.
I'd really like to know, though: How many times do I have to start my life over from scratch?