Avatar: Shadows in the Mind: Chapter 17
Title: Shadows in the Mind
Summary: Five years after the war is over, the world is finally settling into an uneasy peace. When the Avatar and his friends disappear into a swamp in the southwest Earth Kingdom, they find themselves fighting not only for their lives but to prevent another way from breaking out. Chapter 17: Our weary heroes finally make their escape from the swamp.
Rating: Light T, mostly for violence.
A/N: This was a hard chapter. Transition chapters are hard, not to mention I'm getting into the falling action and tying up my final storylines. I'm just relieved it's going up and I'm one step closer to finishing this beast.
Chapter 17 - Dum Spiro, Spero
Everything stood still for a moment. Katara’s heart skipped a beat and her breath caught in her throat. Even the flames that burned around her seemed to have ceased moving, remaining bright orange streaks in her vision as everything blurred and she hesitated, looking for Aang as the Avatars around her disappeared in the same white light that had heralded their arrival.
When she blinked, everything snapped back into its proper order, and everything began to happen fast.
“Aang?” she called, stepping cautiously towards the ring of flames where the spirit had just been standing. Her voice was so hoarse she wondered if it was actually carrying anywhere or if it was simply ringing in her own head, but that thought was dismissed a moment later when something - a dead branch maybe - fell from the great tree, momentarily parting the flames and giving her a glimpse of Aang standing beyond them.
Please be Aang please be Aang please be Aang
She stumbled towards him, desperate to get to him, to touch him and reassure herself that he was okay, that he was normal and that he was hers again - he had to be, the Avatars would not have left otherwise.
When she approached him he had one hand up to the trunk of the tree, eyes shut as he focused. A shot of panic went through her and she seized him by the wrist, forcibly dragging his arm away from the tree. “Aang!”
His eyes slowly opened and he looked down at her, and for a moment a chill swept through her heart. This was her Aang, but something was still wrong - the way he blinked at her, exhausted, with confusion clouding his grey eyes, it wasn’t right. “…Katara?”
“You can’t - don’t you remember what happened last time you tried this?” All the times he’d tried to connect to the swamp had led from one disaster to another. She couldn’t believe he’d try again, especially so soon after returning to his body.
Aang was still blinking blankly down at her. “Katara,” he repeated again, a thread of uncertainty weaving its way through his voice. “Katara?” The grip on his arm tightened, and she peered concernedly up at his face, only to have him shake his head and shrug off her hold.
“It’ll work this time,” he said, more confidence creeping its way into his voice. “We have to get out of here as quickly as possible - the swamp is destroying itself and we’ll be destroyed with it if we don’t find the way out.”
His hand drifted back up to the trunk of the tree, almost hesitantly. “Did you notice that only waterbenders had settled here? They were the only ones who could get around, who could figure out the passages.”
“Aang please-“ Didn’t he understand? She had nearly lost him again; she couldn’t let him do this. As she pleaded with him she raised another hand as if to grab at the one of his about to settle on the tree, but lightening fast his other hand swooped in and took hers firmly.
“It’s okay,” he said simply, releasing it. “Go help…” Aang’s voice trailed off and he gestured behind Katara. “Help…” He sounded so unsure, and Katara again found herself unnerved. “Go help Sokka.”
Katara wheeled around, and just as Aang had indicated, there was Sokka, favoring one leg as he balanced Toph in his arms. He gave her a bleak look as he shifted uncomfortably, and Katara couldn’t help blurting out, “What happened?!” in a horrified tone as she brought up water from a channel, already seeking to heal.
Toph was deathly pale in Sokka’s arms. She had dark circles under her eyes and she looked smaller than usual cradled in Sokka’s embrace, her breathing so shallow it was barely noticeable even to Katara’s trained eye.
“She - it - she was-“ Sokka struggled for words, shifting the girl in his arms so Katara could get a better look at her injuries. “Ty Lee said she should be okay but-“
Her hands lit up with a soothing blue glow as she healed some of the bruising around Toph’s throat in an effort to help her breathing. “They aren’t fatal injuries,” Katara sighed in relief before looking up at her brother. “What about you?”
He gestured down. “I got hit in the leg by a knife but-“ she was already crouched down and probing the wound before he could finish the sentence. Ignoring his hiss of pain, she let the warmth of her healing wrap around his leg, knitting the edges of the wound together. “We have to get out of here.”
“I know how.” When she turned, Aang again took her by the wrist, tugging her away from her brother and Toph. “I need your help.”
“Come on,” she called over her shoulder to her brother, and to her irritation she realized that he wasn’t even looking; he was turned away from her and Aang to look at somebody else. “Sokka!”
He still didn’t turn to look at her, and just as Katara was about to lose her temper and wrench her arm away from Aang, her brother shifted slightly on his feet, giving her a view of who was behind him.
Ty Lee was striding towards them, a grim look on her face, and right behind her was-
“Zuko!” Hot relief shot through her at the sight of the Fire Lord. He was pale and looked worse for the wear, his tunic singed beyond belief and soot mixed with sweat streaked over his face. He was holding on to Mai in a way that was similar to the hold Aang had on her, though Mai did not even appear to know what was gong on around her as she tried to break Zuko’s grip, shooting desperate looks over her shoulder.
Aang again tugged on her wrist, looking back long enough to see Zuko - she saw a quizzical expression quickly morphing into relief flash across his face - “We have to go! The swamp is destroying itself!”
Katara glanced back at her companions, her mind racing furiously as she studied them for immediate injuries - everyone except for Toph seemed to be moving all right; Zuko was swaying a little bit, but unless he collapsed-
Aang pulled on her wrist again. “Come on!”
Now confident that everyone who mattered was finally together, she followed Aang back to the water and away from the center, torn between hope for their escape and worry for him.
***
Slowly, Toph’s senses began to return to her.
It started with touch - the intense, all consuming, burning pain in her chest and neck had lightened, and though it still hurt, what she felt was not ever-tightening ropes but someone cradling her softly, arms locked around her as if she were some precious burden despite the fact that she was being jostled horribly.
After touch came smell - most overwhelming was the smell of smoke, clogging her nose and chest, but underneath that was the scent of boy-sweat and salt water that she’d come to associate with Sokka, and even farther underneath that was the bittersweet smell of the earth and rotten plants. She had no idea what was going on, but she could smell the earth, and she knew it was near, and for the moment, that was enough to comfort her.
Then her hearing returned, and even though she still felt sluggish, her limbs still unresponsive, Toph still tried to make herself to get up and move, get up and help, the others must need help - she could hear the roar of fire and the cracking of breaking wood as trees and branches groaned and fell over. She could hear the rushing of water around her, and above that all she could hear voices - first and foremost Sokka’s, and several other’s that sounded familiar but were still too vague for her to clearly process.
She didn’t care. They weren’t that one, that horrible, calm voice that she’d heard in her own head for so long, the one who’d tried to kill her for her own body -
So that I may follow my master out of the swamp - that was what it had said to her. Because I cannot take over a spirit like he can, even if I can take over a body.
That’s what it had meant, before, when it had told her a life for a life. By saving hers - and by her refusal to sacrifice another - she had provided a form for this spirit to enter.
Why me? she had wondered, mind shrieking and trying desperately to stay awake even as her body had begged for her to release it and let it rest, instinctively wanting the supposed safety of unconsciousness.
Because we have the same connection to the earth. Because my master needs me.
With a groan, Toph made an attempt to sit up - it was ineffectual at best, because her body was still barely responding to her - but it was enough for Sokka to tighten his grip around her and murmur something soothing that she couldn’t quite make out.
His movement has slowed, become jerkier, as if he were navigating through some great obstacle - her ears focused suddenly and she could hear the splashing of water. We’re in water, she realized, her foot skimming the surface. Are we safe?
She shuddered - Sokka’s arms tightened once again - and wondered if she would ever feel safe again. Toph had taken on earthbenders three times her size, helped in the one-hundred-year long war, taking on master firebenders and traveling far away from home at an age when most girls were just starting to let go of their mother’s skirts. Not once - not even when Aang had been at his most terrifying, in the Avatar state - had she ever feared for her life, feeling only the utmost confidence in both her abilities and the abilities of her adopted family.
Aang.
The memory of him in the Avatar state brought to mind an even more recent recollection - that terrible ripple that had gone through the ground just before she’d fought with Ty Lee; that awful moment when she could feel the earth becoming unbalanced. At first she had thought Aang had slipped into the Avatar State - something he hadn’t resorted to in years - but then she had realized that there was no sense of Aang or of the Avatars, at all; that it was something terribly powerful and purely evil where Aang once was. Sokka had described the Avatar State to her once - mentioned Aang’s glowing eyes and tattoos (“…he has tattoos?”) - and she wondered now how Sokka would describe this terrible thing to her later, if he got the chance, because she hadn’t been able to sense any part of Aang still standing where he’d once been.
Master.
The master finally has his body, so that I can take mine, it had whispered to her, and Toph’s mind, finally starting to clear a little bit as oxygen started flowing through her body properly, suddenly made the connection.
She struggled again in Sokka’s arms, just wanting him to slow down, wanting him to let her put a hand or a foot to the earth to understand what was going on, to see where Aang was or what had happened to him. Katara had been with Aang when he’d changed, and a chill swept through her body as she realized that Katara wouldn’t have had a chance of defeating him without help from someone.
Again, Sokka tightened his grip. “It’s okay, Toph,” she heard him say, even though his voice sounded ragged and she could hear his heart pounding furiously in his chest.
“Sokka?” She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw herself onto the ground and have it swallow her up, she was so ashamed of how weak her voice sounded, and how much effort it took to speak. “Where’re we?”
“We’re getting out of here,” he said shortly, and he slowed his gait and looked around - she could feel the pull of muscles in his chest as he craned his neck - and spoke to someone else. Toph only heard a muffled response, and curled two hands in Sokka’s shirt for leverage, trying to pull herself up.
“Who is that?” she demanded, and Sokka tensed.
“Toph now is not the time-“
“Where’s Aang and Katara? Who is that?”
Sokka’s voice was resigned, “Toph, that’s Ty Lee. Aang and Katara are just ahead of us -“ his voice sounded funny, and Toph thought something was still wrong that he wasn’t telling her “- and we have to get out of here because this place is coming down around us. Can’t you smell the smoke?”
She wriggled relentlessly in his arms until finally his arm dropped and her feet finally touched the ground, splashing up to her ankles in the sludgy water that Sokka ha paused in. Vibrations went out and returned, and though they were fuzzy she finally had a picture of what was going on - it was exactly as Sokka had said, with the exception of two others behind Ty Lee.
“You found Zuko-!” There was a loud cracking and a branch fell from above; Toph could feel the heat from the fire licking her back. Sokka squeaked and grabbed at her again.
“I can walk!” she snapped. This was only true in the loosest sense of the word; her feet were planted firm as anything but already her knees were shaking. Sokka wrapped an arm around her shoulders and bent closer, clearly intent on picking her up again. “I said I can walk!”
“Just shut up!” Sokka shot at her, frustration evident. “Just… just let me help you, for now, okay? I swear I’ll never talk about it again.” There was a distinct undercurrent of fear in his voice, and Toph found herself shocked enough to shut her mouth. Reaching out, she wrapped an arm around his neck and allowed him to pick her up.
“Let’s get out of here,” she murmured, the fight going out of her again, too tired to even curse her own weakness.
***
“What are you doing?!” Mai demanded, even as she tripped ungracefully through the muck and water they were traveling through. Zuko had a vice-like grip upon her arm and was forcefully dragging her away from the swamp’s center, away from the fight and the spreading fire and away from -
“I’m saving your life!” Zuko shouted at her, not even bothering to look back at her.
“We need to go back!” she insisted, tugging uselessly upon the grip he had her in. “Azula is still back there!”
The last thing she’d seen was Azula being dragged up into the trees, struggling uselessly against the binds. By the time Mai had gotten around the flames blocking her from her friend, she couldn’t even see her face anymore. Zuko had grabbed her then and dragged her away, despite the fact that Mai had been protesting with all her might.
“Azula is gone,” Zuko shouted, finally slowing and turning back towards her. His brows were drawn so close they were almost touching, but his eyes were wide and bright. He looked absolutely terrified. “We’ll be next if we don’t get out of here.”
“She’s not gone!” Mai protested, digging her heels in. “We just left her!”
Zuko froze. “…Mai,”
“I know you want her dead, Zuko, but I have to help her!”
Zuko’s shoulders stiffened noticeably at her words, but he said nothing, continuing to pull her along. The smoke was nearly overwhelming at this point; she’d lost sight of the waterbender clearing the path for them up ahead and she could only barely make out Ty Lee trailing after Sokka just ahead of her and Zuko.
“I said let me go!” she shrieked, whipping her other arm around and cuffing him soundly on the head. It was a mark of just how upset Mai had become that she’d forgotten completely about what knives still remained in her holsters - only one or two, but it would have been enough to force Zuko to release her.
He stumbled at the blow, nearly pulling her down with him, but at the last second managed to catch himself on the leg he wasn’t limping on. “I don’t want anyone dead,” he snarled, wheeling around to face her. “And if I recall correctly, you and Azula were chasing after me.”
The words skimmed past Mai. All she could think about were Azula’s glittering eyes sliding closed as she ran to help, about how unnatural it felt to run ahead of Azula when she’d spent so much of her life following her.
“I can’t just leave her.” It came out almost as a whimper, and she wasn’t even sure that Zuko had heard her words. He stood there, gazing steadily at her, seemingly unsure of how to coax her away from the scene.
Mai eyes traveled over Zuko’s shoulders to where Ty Lee was keeping up with Sokka, helping him with the earthbender, and Mai felt a tiny seed of betrayal take root in her stomach. Ty Lee was running away so easily - she knew Azula was gone, the acrobat had heard Zuko yelling, Mai had seen how Ty Lee’s eyes had widened and then softened.
How could she turn away so easily?
With a groan two trees finally collapsed under the pressure of the spreading flames. Zuko easily stepped past her and directed the flames away from the pair, but when he turned back to Mai his face was grim.
“This place is coming down around us,” he said seriously, once again putting a hand on her arm. “Let’s just get out of here. We can’t save Azula.”
“So we’re just going to save ourselves?!” she shrieked at him, voice rising and going shrill. If she’d been in her right state of mind she would have been mortified, but at the moment all she could think of was Azula’s death and Ty Lee’s indifference and Zuko’s apparent concern.
“You would just sacrifice yourself for no reason?” Zuko shot right back at her. “You can’t go back. You’ll die.”
“But Azula-“
“Azula is dead, Mai! She wouldn’t let me help her. Are you honestly going to do the same?”
It didn’t feel right. It went against everything she believed in - she would never leave behind Azula, they had stuck together through everything.
She squinted up ahead through the smoke. Why wasn’t Ty Lee helping her?
“I- I can’t,” she murmured, trying to pull away from him. His hold remained strong.
“I’m not leaving you behind,” he growled at her, his eyes narrowing.
“You left her behind!” Mai shouted, pulling more violently this time and hitting him again when he still refused to release her.
“I had to! She wouldn’t let me help her!” Zuko was getting angry now; two bright splotches of red were standing out on his pale cheeks, showing even through the soot that streaked his face.
“I don’t want your help either!” she announced, continuing to hit him with her free hand.
“I’m not giving you that choice!” Zuko bellowed, withstanding her barrage to tighten her grip and yank her even closer to him.
She looked up at him in shock, amazed by his bold statement, and was struck by what she could suddenly see shining clearly in his face: guilt. Azula had been a thorn in his side for years upon years, and he truly had not wished death on her. He wasn’t happy to see her dead.
He didn’t want anyone else to die.
“We need to get out of here,” he repeated, squinting ahead of them to catch sight of Sokka and Ty Lee again. Aang and Katara were a distant vision at this point, but as long as he could see Sokka and Ty Lee he knew they were on the right path. “Once we get out of here, you can do whatever you want. You can come back in here and search for Azula; I don’t care. But at least get out of here first so you can decide for yourself what you want to do for once.”
His voice sounded so calm in all the chaos that surrounded them. Mai wondered exactly how he had gained the ability to strike her mute - she had always reveled in silence, but she was never quiet for lack of words; merely lack of interest.
“You can let go of me now,” she told him solemnly. He glanced up at her, studying her face to see if she was going to bolt the second he released her.
He dropped her arm.
***
Sokka shifted Toph in his arms and picked up his pace, trying to catch up with Katara and Aang a little bit even as his feet threatened to be swallowed in the muck they were traipsing through. He’d been hoping they could outrun the flames a little bit, that the channels of water would provide natural fire breaks, but it appeared that even as they worked their way out from the center of the swamp the flames were following at a nearly impossible pace, traveling along the canopy above them, filling everything with smoke and making it impossible to breathe.
Toph’s fight had been short lived - her breathing was already shallow and her eyes had drooped low again, and Sokka wondered just how lucid she was, just how much she was aware of, if she even really understood what was going on outside of Sokka’s attempted aid and the perceived insult to her pride.
Despite it all, even though there were so many differences from before, even though he’d been through so much more since then, even though he’d become so much stronger and had truly become a warrior, even going to war in the Fire Nation itself, suddenly Sokka thought he was ten years old again, clutching Katara’s hand as he ran as fast as he could through black, knee deep snow back home in the South Pole.
Katara had fought with him then too, even after their father had ordered them to run, wanting to stay with their mother - Sokka wanted their mother too, but he hadn’t seen her since the raid had started and he’d had no idea how to find her and anyway, his father had ordered him to protect Katara first and foremost. So they’d run, him dragging her along each agonizing step.
Fire had born down on them the same way, too, as they’d raced out of the circle of their village and headed for the desperate safety of the icy coves nearby. It had seemed like it had been around him all at once; everything had been burning, all the tents and their clothes and their stores - it was all gone in a smoky mess that had lit orange against what white snow remained, to swallowed up by the sooty snow that lay everywhere else.
There had been that same desperation as well - there was no hope fighting, he could be of no help. All he could do was run away, trying to protect the ones he loved (even if he had been no good at that, he noted, sparing another glance down at Toph’s pale form) as they fled.
He’d been through so much since then - traveling to the North Pole and losing Yue (who’d been so determined to sacrifice herself, even if he’d wanted to grab her away, moon spirit be damned) and battling through the Earth Kingdom and into the Fire Nation itself - and only twice in his life had he been in this situation, where there was no hope fighting and all they could do was run blindly.
That feeling of helplessness was not one he was comfortable with - all Sokka had ever desired, since he was a little child, was to be a strong warrior and to protect those he cared about. He’d done his part - trained and studied (and trained some more once he’d been pulled down a peg or two on Kyoshi…) and it didn’t seem fair to him that the choice to protect should be taken out of his hands by the Fire Nation, or by the spirits, or by the swamp.
He tripped suddenly and tightened his grip on Toph as he stumbled forward, barely keeping his balance with the help of Ty Lee’s lightening fast catch on the back of his shirt.
The choice to protect.
There never really was much of a choice though, was there? Not for him. It had always meant everything to him; to protect those he cared about - instinct, second nature. He’d never chosen to do it.
And if there had never been a choice in the first place, then what was being taken away from him? He either had control in a situation, or he didn’t.
The choice to adapt. The choice to cope.
The problem was that he’d been focusing on the wrong aspect. When the option of protection was taken away, then Sokka had to learn to live with it as best he could, to give what aid he could.
He shifted Toph in his arms again, feeling a cramp developing in his shoulder. He hadn’t been able to protect her, that had been taken away from him, but the choice to help her hadn’t.
He could adapt.
***
His leg protested with every single step he took. Zuko didn’t know what he had done to his knee, but he knew it wouldn’t be much longer until the leg gave out completely. It felt like they had been running for hours, trying to get out of the swamp. Katara and Aang had been leading confidently the whole way, making him wonder exactly what had changed, how they’d figured out the swamp when it was clear that they’d all been struggling as they had wandered through it.
It couldn’t have been much farther now - the fire was trailing them, just barely, and though the smoke still permeated everything around them he was closer to getting a clear breath than he’d been in three full days.
Thankfully, Mai had given him something to focus on, keeping his injuries from becoming overwhelming. She’d promised not to run back after Azula, but still he was nervous for her. He’d still had to fight the urge to run back to the center himself, just to counter the sheer wrongness he felt at leaving a living human behind as he ran, and Azula was nothing to him compared to how Mai had cared for her.
Azula had never been anything but a threat to him. She had been born his sister, and could have - should have - been one of his closest allies. Even after he’d beaten her down and taken the throne, he would have been perfectly happy never facing her again.
He’d have never wished death upon her - nobody deserved death; he believed that firmly: not after the way he had struggled to live. Many people had thought, after the war, that he’d be hungry for her blood, but that wasn’t the case. He didn’t want to be like his father or his sister, and wielding the same power of life over her that she’d attempted to hang over him didn’t seem right.
Sneaking another glance at Mai out of the corner of his eye, Zuko again debated what to do with her when they finally got out of there. When he’d pulled Mai away, he just hadn’t wanted to lose another life pointlessly, but that didn’t change the fact that it was Mai. She was someone who had hunted him. She had been on her way to Omashu to kill him. Even if he harbored the suspicion that she herself couldn’t have gone through such a thing even with all her cool detachment, he had no doubt that she wouldn’t have stopped Azula in the end.
Which put him in a strange position.
She was pale, with dark rings under her eyes, and though she wasn’t crying her eyes were watery and she appeared to be dangerously close to tears. He’d witnessed how Azula had thrown fire at Mai just as easily as she had at himself, and he could only imagine what they had gone through in exile together, all because of Azula. He couldn’t believe that after everything Azula had just put them through that Mai could mourn the girl so deeply. Shouldn’t Mai be relieved? Had all her help when he’d been injured really just been to deliver her to Azula? Just how much of her had been Azula’s doing?
His head was starting to hurt. Mai’s motivations for anything were a secret to everyone but herself, and it was none of his business to question them. It was only his to defend himself when they crossed paths, and with Azula gone he knew it would no longer be an issue.
He was disturbed from his thoughts when Ty Lee and Sokka suddenly appeared in close range again, forcing him and Mai to skid to a rather abrupt stop. Aang and Katara were standing at the head of a now dry river bed, standing almost lamely for all the chaos and confusion behind him. Sokka’s face mirrored the same blank surprise that was on the pair’s face.
“This is where we came in,” Aang said slowly, looking around as if to confirm his statement. “Remember?”
“Who cares, we’re out!” Sokka announced, quickly recovering and pushing through Aang and Katara to walk out into the clearing, searching for a place to lay Toph down.
Zuko turned to look back into the swamp - he could still hear the fire, still hear the roaring and the crackling and, if he listened very carefully, something else, something high-pitched and shrieking, barely carrying over the deafening sounds of the swamp’s destruction.
Ty Lee’s face was pinched, and she looked almost nauseated, if still calm. Mai, on the other hand, looked shaken in a way he’d never seen and could never have predicted: her eyes were wide and wild, her cheeks flushed red and her jaw quivering. Even though she’d been his enemy, he still felt a stab of guilt at her countenance: she’d lost someone important to her, and he could have prevented it.
Tearing his eyes away from the pair, he focused on the swamp that had been their prison, and while eloquence had certainly never been a natural talent of his, he found words bubbling up out of nowhere.
“You know,” he said, almost conversationally, still not looking at the pair. “Fire and destruction walk hand-in-hand, and even as Agni is worshipped as the god of both, most firebenders, even the truly educated ones, forget that Agni is responsible for more than that.”
He raised his eyes to the girls now; Mai was standing close to Ty Lee, behind her and looking blearily up at the sky, as if looking for Agni himself, looking for an explanation. Ty Lee was blinking at him curiously.
“Destruction brings about rebuilding,” Zuko said simply. “It’s a cycle. There must be devastation before rebirth.”
Mai still did not respond, but Ty Lee looked at him, into the fire, and back at him before nodding slowly, showing she understood that he wasn’t just talking about the swamp behind them.
***
Chapter 18: Faber Quisque Fortunae Suae
Summary: Five years after the war is over, the world is finally settling into an uneasy peace. When the Avatar and his friends disappear into a swamp in the southwest Earth Kingdom, they find themselves fighting not only for their lives but to prevent another way from breaking out. Chapter 17: Our weary heroes finally make their escape from the swamp.
Rating: Light T, mostly for violence.
A/N: This was a hard chapter. Transition chapters are hard, not to mention I'm getting into the falling action and tying up my final storylines. I'm just relieved it's going up and I'm one step closer to finishing this beast.
Chapter 17 - Dum Spiro, Spero
Everything stood still for a moment. Katara’s heart skipped a beat and her breath caught in her throat. Even the flames that burned around her seemed to have ceased moving, remaining bright orange streaks in her vision as everything blurred and she hesitated, looking for Aang as the Avatars around her disappeared in the same white light that had heralded their arrival.
When she blinked, everything snapped back into its proper order, and everything began to happen fast.
“Aang?” she called, stepping cautiously towards the ring of flames where the spirit had just been standing. Her voice was so hoarse she wondered if it was actually carrying anywhere or if it was simply ringing in her own head, but that thought was dismissed a moment later when something - a dead branch maybe - fell from the great tree, momentarily parting the flames and giving her a glimpse of Aang standing beyond them.
Please be Aang please be Aang please be Aang
She stumbled towards him, desperate to get to him, to touch him and reassure herself that he was okay, that he was normal and that he was hers again - he had to be, the Avatars would not have left otherwise.
When she approached him he had one hand up to the trunk of the tree, eyes shut as he focused. A shot of panic went through her and she seized him by the wrist, forcibly dragging his arm away from the tree. “Aang!”
His eyes slowly opened and he looked down at her, and for a moment a chill swept through her heart. This was her Aang, but something was still wrong - the way he blinked at her, exhausted, with confusion clouding his grey eyes, it wasn’t right. “…Katara?”
“You can’t - don’t you remember what happened last time you tried this?” All the times he’d tried to connect to the swamp had led from one disaster to another. She couldn’t believe he’d try again, especially so soon after returning to his body.
Aang was still blinking blankly down at her. “Katara,” he repeated again, a thread of uncertainty weaving its way through his voice. “Katara?” The grip on his arm tightened, and she peered concernedly up at his face, only to have him shake his head and shrug off her hold.
“It’ll work this time,” he said, more confidence creeping its way into his voice. “We have to get out of here as quickly as possible - the swamp is destroying itself and we’ll be destroyed with it if we don’t find the way out.”
His hand drifted back up to the trunk of the tree, almost hesitantly. “Did you notice that only waterbenders had settled here? They were the only ones who could get around, who could figure out the passages.”
“Aang please-“ Didn’t he understand? She had nearly lost him again; she couldn’t let him do this. As she pleaded with him she raised another hand as if to grab at the one of his about to settle on the tree, but lightening fast his other hand swooped in and took hers firmly.
“It’s okay,” he said simply, releasing it. “Go help…” Aang’s voice trailed off and he gestured behind Katara. “Help…” He sounded so unsure, and Katara again found herself unnerved. “Go help Sokka.”
Katara wheeled around, and just as Aang had indicated, there was Sokka, favoring one leg as he balanced Toph in his arms. He gave her a bleak look as he shifted uncomfortably, and Katara couldn’t help blurting out, “What happened?!” in a horrified tone as she brought up water from a channel, already seeking to heal.
Toph was deathly pale in Sokka’s arms. She had dark circles under her eyes and she looked smaller than usual cradled in Sokka’s embrace, her breathing so shallow it was barely noticeable even to Katara’s trained eye.
“She - it - she was-“ Sokka struggled for words, shifting the girl in his arms so Katara could get a better look at her injuries. “Ty Lee said she should be okay but-“
Her hands lit up with a soothing blue glow as she healed some of the bruising around Toph’s throat in an effort to help her breathing. “They aren’t fatal injuries,” Katara sighed in relief before looking up at her brother. “What about you?”
He gestured down. “I got hit in the leg by a knife but-“ she was already crouched down and probing the wound before he could finish the sentence. Ignoring his hiss of pain, she let the warmth of her healing wrap around his leg, knitting the edges of the wound together. “We have to get out of here.”
“I know how.” When she turned, Aang again took her by the wrist, tugging her away from her brother and Toph. “I need your help.”
“Come on,” she called over her shoulder to her brother, and to her irritation she realized that he wasn’t even looking; he was turned away from her and Aang to look at somebody else. “Sokka!”
He still didn’t turn to look at her, and just as Katara was about to lose her temper and wrench her arm away from Aang, her brother shifted slightly on his feet, giving her a view of who was behind him.
Ty Lee was striding towards them, a grim look on her face, and right behind her was-
“Zuko!” Hot relief shot through her at the sight of the Fire Lord. He was pale and looked worse for the wear, his tunic singed beyond belief and soot mixed with sweat streaked over his face. He was holding on to Mai in a way that was similar to the hold Aang had on her, though Mai did not even appear to know what was gong on around her as she tried to break Zuko’s grip, shooting desperate looks over her shoulder.
Aang again tugged on her wrist, looking back long enough to see Zuko - she saw a quizzical expression quickly morphing into relief flash across his face - “We have to go! The swamp is destroying itself!”
Katara glanced back at her companions, her mind racing furiously as she studied them for immediate injuries - everyone except for Toph seemed to be moving all right; Zuko was swaying a little bit, but unless he collapsed-
Aang pulled on her wrist again. “Come on!”
Now confident that everyone who mattered was finally together, she followed Aang back to the water and away from the center, torn between hope for their escape and worry for him.
***
Slowly, Toph’s senses began to return to her.
It started with touch - the intense, all consuming, burning pain in her chest and neck had lightened, and though it still hurt, what she felt was not ever-tightening ropes but someone cradling her softly, arms locked around her as if she were some precious burden despite the fact that she was being jostled horribly.
After touch came smell - most overwhelming was the smell of smoke, clogging her nose and chest, but underneath that was the scent of boy-sweat and salt water that she’d come to associate with Sokka, and even farther underneath that was the bittersweet smell of the earth and rotten plants. She had no idea what was going on, but she could smell the earth, and she knew it was near, and for the moment, that was enough to comfort her.
Then her hearing returned, and even though she still felt sluggish, her limbs still unresponsive, Toph still tried to make herself to get up and move, get up and help, the others must need help - she could hear the roar of fire and the cracking of breaking wood as trees and branches groaned and fell over. She could hear the rushing of water around her, and above that all she could hear voices - first and foremost Sokka’s, and several other’s that sounded familiar but were still too vague for her to clearly process.
She didn’t care. They weren’t that one, that horrible, calm voice that she’d heard in her own head for so long, the one who’d tried to kill her for her own body -
So that I may follow my master out of the swamp - that was what it had said to her. Because I cannot take over a spirit like he can, even if I can take over a body.
That’s what it had meant, before, when it had told her a life for a life. By saving hers - and by her refusal to sacrifice another - she had provided a form for this spirit to enter.
Why me? she had wondered, mind shrieking and trying desperately to stay awake even as her body had begged for her to release it and let it rest, instinctively wanting the supposed safety of unconsciousness.
Because we have the same connection to the earth. Because my master needs me.
With a groan, Toph made an attempt to sit up - it was ineffectual at best, because her body was still barely responding to her - but it was enough for Sokka to tighten his grip around her and murmur something soothing that she couldn’t quite make out.
His movement has slowed, become jerkier, as if he were navigating through some great obstacle - her ears focused suddenly and she could hear the splashing of water. We’re in water, she realized, her foot skimming the surface. Are we safe?
She shuddered - Sokka’s arms tightened once again - and wondered if she would ever feel safe again. Toph had taken on earthbenders three times her size, helped in the one-hundred-year long war, taking on master firebenders and traveling far away from home at an age when most girls were just starting to let go of their mother’s skirts. Not once - not even when Aang had been at his most terrifying, in the Avatar state - had she ever feared for her life, feeling only the utmost confidence in both her abilities and the abilities of her adopted family.
Aang.
The memory of him in the Avatar state brought to mind an even more recent recollection - that terrible ripple that had gone through the ground just before she’d fought with Ty Lee; that awful moment when she could feel the earth becoming unbalanced. At first she had thought Aang had slipped into the Avatar State - something he hadn’t resorted to in years - but then she had realized that there was no sense of Aang or of the Avatars, at all; that it was something terribly powerful and purely evil where Aang once was. Sokka had described the Avatar State to her once - mentioned Aang’s glowing eyes and tattoos (“…he has tattoos?”) - and she wondered now how Sokka would describe this terrible thing to her later, if he got the chance, because she hadn’t been able to sense any part of Aang still standing where he’d once been.
Master.
The master finally has his body, so that I can take mine, it had whispered to her, and Toph’s mind, finally starting to clear a little bit as oxygen started flowing through her body properly, suddenly made the connection.
She struggled again in Sokka’s arms, just wanting him to slow down, wanting him to let her put a hand or a foot to the earth to understand what was going on, to see where Aang was or what had happened to him. Katara had been with Aang when he’d changed, and a chill swept through her body as she realized that Katara wouldn’t have had a chance of defeating him without help from someone.
Again, Sokka tightened his grip. “It’s okay, Toph,” she heard him say, even though his voice sounded ragged and she could hear his heart pounding furiously in his chest.
“Sokka?” She wanted to scream, she wanted to throw herself onto the ground and have it swallow her up, she was so ashamed of how weak her voice sounded, and how much effort it took to speak. “Where’re we?”
“We’re getting out of here,” he said shortly, and he slowed his gait and looked around - she could feel the pull of muscles in his chest as he craned his neck - and spoke to someone else. Toph only heard a muffled response, and curled two hands in Sokka’s shirt for leverage, trying to pull herself up.
“Who is that?” she demanded, and Sokka tensed.
“Toph now is not the time-“
“Where’s Aang and Katara? Who is that?”
Sokka’s voice was resigned, “Toph, that’s Ty Lee. Aang and Katara are just ahead of us -“ his voice sounded funny, and Toph thought something was still wrong that he wasn’t telling her “- and we have to get out of here because this place is coming down around us. Can’t you smell the smoke?”
She wriggled relentlessly in his arms until finally his arm dropped and her feet finally touched the ground, splashing up to her ankles in the sludgy water that Sokka ha paused in. Vibrations went out and returned, and though they were fuzzy she finally had a picture of what was going on - it was exactly as Sokka had said, with the exception of two others behind Ty Lee.
“You found Zuko-!” There was a loud cracking and a branch fell from above; Toph could feel the heat from the fire licking her back. Sokka squeaked and grabbed at her again.
“I can walk!” she snapped. This was only true in the loosest sense of the word; her feet were planted firm as anything but already her knees were shaking. Sokka wrapped an arm around her shoulders and bent closer, clearly intent on picking her up again. “I said I can walk!”
“Just shut up!” Sokka shot at her, frustration evident. “Just… just let me help you, for now, okay? I swear I’ll never talk about it again.” There was a distinct undercurrent of fear in his voice, and Toph found herself shocked enough to shut her mouth. Reaching out, she wrapped an arm around his neck and allowed him to pick her up.
“Let’s get out of here,” she murmured, the fight going out of her again, too tired to even curse her own weakness.
***
“What are you doing?!” Mai demanded, even as she tripped ungracefully through the muck and water they were traveling through. Zuko had a vice-like grip upon her arm and was forcefully dragging her away from the swamp’s center, away from the fight and the spreading fire and away from -
“I’m saving your life!” Zuko shouted at her, not even bothering to look back at her.
“We need to go back!” she insisted, tugging uselessly upon the grip he had her in. “Azula is still back there!”
The last thing she’d seen was Azula being dragged up into the trees, struggling uselessly against the binds. By the time Mai had gotten around the flames blocking her from her friend, she couldn’t even see her face anymore. Zuko had grabbed her then and dragged her away, despite the fact that Mai had been protesting with all her might.
“Azula is gone,” Zuko shouted, finally slowing and turning back towards her. His brows were drawn so close they were almost touching, but his eyes were wide and bright. He looked absolutely terrified. “We’ll be next if we don’t get out of here.”
“She’s not gone!” Mai protested, digging her heels in. “We just left her!”
Zuko froze. “…Mai,”
“I know you want her dead, Zuko, but I have to help her!”
Zuko’s shoulders stiffened noticeably at her words, but he said nothing, continuing to pull her along. The smoke was nearly overwhelming at this point; she’d lost sight of the waterbender clearing the path for them up ahead and she could only barely make out Ty Lee trailing after Sokka just ahead of her and Zuko.
“I said let me go!” she shrieked, whipping her other arm around and cuffing him soundly on the head. It was a mark of just how upset Mai had become that she’d forgotten completely about what knives still remained in her holsters - only one or two, but it would have been enough to force Zuko to release her.
He stumbled at the blow, nearly pulling her down with him, but at the last second managed to catch himself on the leg he wasn’t limping on. “I don’t want anyone dead,” he snarled, wheeling around to face her. “And if I recall correctly, you and Azula were chasing after me.”
The words skimmed past Mai. All she could think about were Azula’s glittering eyes sliding closed as she ran to help, about how unnatural it felt to run ahead of Azula when she’d spent so much of her life following her.
“I can’t just leave her.” It came out almost as a whimper, and she wasn’t even sure that Zuko had heard her words. He stood there, gazing steadily at her, seemingly unsure of how to coax her away from the scene.
Mai eyes traveled over Zuko’s shoulders to where Ty Lee was keeping up with Sokka, helping him with the earthbender, and Mai felt a tiny seed of betrayal take root in her stomach. Ty Lee was running away so easily - she knew Azula was gone, the acrobat had heard Zuko yelling, Mai had seen how Ty Lee’s eyes had widened and then softened.
How could she turn away so easily?
With a groan two trees finally collapsed under the pressure of the spreading flames. Zuko easily stepped past her and directed the flames away from the pair, but when he turned back to Mai his face was grim.
“This place is coming down around us,” he said seriously, once again putting a hand on her arm. “Let’s just get out of here. We can’t save Azula.”
“So we’re just going to save ourselves?!” she shrieked at him, voice rising and going shrill. If she’d been in her right state of mind she would have been mortified, but at the moment all she could think of was Azula’s death and Ty Lee’s indifference and Zuko’s apparent concern.
“You would just sacrifice yourself for no reason?” Zuko shot right back at her. “You can’t go back. You’ll die.”
“But Azula-“
“Azula is dead, Mai! She wouldn’t let me help her. Are you honestly going to do the same?”
It didn’t feel right. It went against everything she believed in - she would never leave behind Azula, they had stuck together through everything.
She squinted up ahead through the smoke. Why wasn’t Ty Lee helping her?
“I- I can’t,” she murmured, trying to pull away from him. His hold remained strong.
“I’m not leaving you behind,” he growled at her, his eyes narrowing.
“You left her behind!” Mai shouted, pulling more violently this time and hitting him again when he still refused to release her.
“I had to! She wouldn’t let me help her!” Zuko was getting angry now; two bright splotches of red were standing out on his pale cheeks, showing even through the soot that streaked his face.
“I don’t want your help either!” she announced, continuing to hit him with her free hand.
“I’m not giving you that choice!” Zuko bellowed, withstanding her barrage to tighten her grip and yank her even closer to him.
She looked up at him in shock, amazed by his bold statement, and was struck by what she could suddenly see shining clearly in his face: guilt. Azula had been a thorn in his side for years upon years, and he truly had not wished death on her. He wasn’t happy to see her dead.
He didn’t want anyone else to die.
“We need to get out of here,” he repeated, squinting ahead of them to catch sight of Sokka and Ty Lee again. Aang and Katara were a distant vision at this point, but as long as he could see Sokka and Ty Lee he knew they were on the right path. “Once we get out of here, you can do whatever you want. You can come back in here and search for Azula; I don’t care. But at least get out of here first so you can decide for yourself what you want to do for once.”
His voice sounded so calm in all the chaos that surrounded them. Mai wondered exactly how he had gained the ability to strike her mute - she had always reveled in silence, but she was never quiet for lack of words; merely lack of interest.
“You can let go of me now,” she told him solemnly. He glanced up at her, studying her face to see if she was going to bolt the second he released her.
He dropped her arm.
***
Sokka shifted Toph in his arms and picked up his pace, trying to catch up with Katara and Aang a little bit even as his feet threatened to be swallowed in the muck they were traipsing through. He’d been hoping they could outrun the flames a little bit, that the channels of water would provide natural fire breaks, but it appeared that even as they worked their way out from the center of the swamp the flames were following at a nearly impossible pace, traveling along the canopy above them, filling everything with smoke and making it impossible to breathe.
Toph’s fight had been short lived - her breathing was already shallow and her eyes had drooped low again, and Sokka wondered just how lucid she was, just how much she was aware of, if she even really understood what was going on outside of Sokka’s attempted aid and the perceived insult to her pride.
Despite it all, even though there were so many differences from before, even though he’d been through so much more since then, even though he’d become so much stronger and had truly become a warrior, even going to war in the Fire Nation itself, suddenly Sokka thought he was ten years old again, clutching Katara’s hand as he ran as fast as he could through black, knee deep snow back home in the South Pole.
Katara had fought with him then too, even after their father had ordered them to run, wanting to stay with their mother - Sokka wanted their mother too, but he hadn’t seen her since the raid had started and he’d had no idea how to find her and anyway, his father had ordered him to protect Katara first and foremost. So they’d run, him dragging her along each agonizing step.
Fire had born down on them the same way, too, as they’d raced out of the circle of their village and headed for the desperate safety of the icy coves nearby. It had seemed like it had been around him all at once; everything had been burning, all the tents and their clothes and their stores - it was all gone in a smoky mess that had lit orange against what white snow remained, to swallowed up by the sooty snow that lay everywhere else.
There had been that same desperation as well - there was no hope fighting, he could be of no help. All he could do was run away, trying to protect the ones he loved (even if he had been no good at that, he noted, sparing another glance down at Toph’s pale form) as they fled.
He’d been through so much since then - traveling to the North Pole and losing Yue (who’d been so determined to sacrifice herself, even if he’d wanted to grab her away, moon spirit be damned) and battling through the Earth Kingdom and into the Fire Nation itself - and only twice in his life had he been in this situation, where there was no hope fighting and all they could do was run blindly.
That feeling of helplessness was not one he was comfortable with - all Sokka had ever desired, since he was a little child, was to be a strong warrior and to protect those he cared about. He’d done his part - trained and studied (and trained some more once he’d been pulled down a peg or two on Kyoshi…) and it didn’t seem fair to him that the choice to protect should be taken out of his hands by the Fire Nation, or by the spirits, or by the swamp.
He tripped suddenly and tightened his grip on Toph as he stumbled forward, barely keeping his balance with the help of Ty Lee’s lightening fast catch on the back of his shirt.
The choice to protect.
There never really was much of a choice though, was there? Not for him. It had always meant everything to him; to protect those he cared about - instinct, second nature. He’d never chosen to do it.
And if there had never been a choice in the first place, then what was being taken away from him? He either had control in a situation, or he didn’t.
The choice to adapt. The choice to cope.
The problem was that he’d been focusing on the wrong aspect. When the option of protection was taken away, then Sokka had to learn to live with it as best he could, to give what aid he could.
He shifted Toph in his arms again, feeling a cramp developing in his shoulder. He hadn’t been able to protect her, that had been taken away from him, but the choice to help her hadn’t.
He could adapt.
***
His leg protested with every single step he took. Zuko didn’t know what he had done to his knee, but he knew it wouldn’t be much longer until the leg gave out completely. It felt like they had been running for hours, trying to get out of the swamp. Katara and Aang had been leading confidently the whole way, making him wonder exactly what had changed, how they’d figured out the swamp when it was clear that they’d all been struggling as they had wandered through it.
It couldn’t have been much farther now - the fire was trailing them, just barely, and though the smoke still permeated everything around them he was closer to getting a clear breath than he’d been in three full days.
Thankfully, Mai had given him something to focus on, keeping his injuries from becoming overwhelming. She’d promised not to run back after Azula, but still he was nervous for her. He’d still had to fight the urge to run back to the center himself, just to counter the sheer wrongness he felt at leaving a living human behind as he ran, and Azula was nothing to him compared to how Mai had cared for her.
Azula had never been anything but a threat to him. She had been born his sister, and could have - should have - been one of his closest allies. Even after he’d beaten her down and taken the throne, he would have been perfectly happy never facing her again.
He’d have never wished death upon her - nobody deserved death; he believed that firmly: not after the way he had struggled to live. Many people had thought, after the war, that he’d be hungry for her blood, but that wasn’t the case. He didn’t want to be like his father or his sister, and wielding the same power of life over her that she’d attempted to hang over him didn’t seem right.
Sneaking another glance at Mai out of the corner of his eye, Zuko again debated what to do with her when they finally got out of there. When he’d pulled Mai away, he just hadn’t wanted to lose another life pointlessly, but that didn’t change the fact that it was Mai. She was someone who had hunted him. She had been on her way to Omashu to kill him. Even if he harbored the suspicion that she herself couldn’t have gone through such a thing even with all her cool detachment, he had no doubt that she wouldn’t have stopped Azula in the end.
Which put him in a strange position.
She was pale, with dark rings under her eyes, and though she wasn’t crying her eyes were watery and she appeared to be dangerously close to tears. He’d witnessed how Azula had thrown fire at Mai just as easily as she had at himself, and he could only imagine what they had gone through in exile together, all because of Azula. He couldn’t believe that after everything Azula had just put them through that Mai could mourn the girl so deeply. Shouldn’t Mai be relieved? Had all her help when he’d been injured really just been to deliver her to Azula? Just how much of her had been Azula’s doing?
His head was starting to hurt. Mai’s motivations for anything were a secret to everyone but herself, and it was none of his business to question them. It was only his to defend himself when they crossed paths, and with Azula gone he knew it would no longer be an issue.
He was disturbed from his thoughts when Ty Lee and Sokka suddenly appeared in close range again, forcing him and Mai to skid to a rather abrupt stop. Aang and Katara were standing at the head of a now dry river bed, standing almost lamely for all the chaos and confusion behind him. Sokka’s face mirrored the same blank surprise that was on the pair’s face.
“This is where we came in,” Aang said slowly, looking around as if to confirm his statement. “Remember?”
“Who cares, we’re out!” Sokka announced, quickly recovering and pushing through Aang and Katara to walk out into the clearing, searching for a place to lay Toph down.
Zuko turned to look back into the swamp - he could still hear the fire, still hear the roaring and the crackling and, if he listened very carefully, something else, something high-pitched and shrieking, barely carrying over the deafening sounds of the swamp’s destruction.
Ty Lee’s face was pinched, and she looked almost nauseated, if still calm. Mai, on the other hand, looked shaken in a way he’d never seen and could never have predicted: her eyes were wide and wild, her cheeks flushed red and her jaw quivering. Even though she’d been his enemy, he still felt a stab of guilt at her countenance: she’d lost someone important to her, and he could have prevented it.
Tearing his eyes away from the pair, he focused on the swamp that had been their prison, and while eloquence had certainly never been a natural talent of his, he found words bubbling up out of nowhere.
“You know,” he said, almost conversationally, still not looking at the pair. “Fire and destruction walk hand-in-hand, and even as Agni is worshipped as the god of both, most firebenders, even the truly educated ones, forget that Agni is responsible for more than that.”
He raised his eyes to the girls now; Mai was standing close to Ty Lee, behind her and looking blearily up at the sky, as if looking for Agni himself, looking for an explanation. Ty Lee was blinking at him curiously.
“Destruction brings about rebuilding,” Zuko said simply. “It’s a cycle. There must be devastation before rebirth.”
Mai still did not respond, but Ty Lee looked at him, into the fire, and back at him before nodding slowly, showing she understood that he wasn’t just talking about the swamp behind them.
***
Chapter 18: Faber Quisque Fortunae Suae