Pretty Little Liars 3x01 review
Pretty Little Liars 3x01
I’m kinda losing my mind. Why is this the best show on TV?
So, the season begins five months later after the reveal of A. Summer is almost over and senior year is about to begin.
How did everyone spend their summer?
Spencer was at Hollis College taking a full load of classes. (It’s like if Hermione Granger never got her letter to Hogwarts, and instead moved to the US!)
Hanna had a ‘list.’ She and Caleb took cooking classes. And she learned bigger words! She wants to be able to have a “proper” conversation with Spencer! WOOT!
Aria was taking a photography class.
And Emily was in Haiti rebuilding the shattered island/county.
Sounds peachy. So you know they’re all hiding what they REALLY did. WTG ladies, keep those secrets from your besties. ALWAYS turns out well.
So, this episode paralleled the hell out of the pilot. I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THAT!
The episode begins with a zoom up of the barn. At Casa Hastings. And our first scene of our Liars is at the forever sleepover at Spencer’s, where her parents no exist.
They’re drinking, kinda like “that night.” Except Emily is pilling on the alcohol. Hey, boozy! I suggest a game of spin the bottom, wherein you and Spencer make out? Yes? :D Anyone….?
Spencer makes a toast to them all making it to senior year. Cheers. But Emily doesn’t join. Because “not everyone.” Spencer immediately says sorry, she didn’t mean it like that. And Emily toasts to Maya.
AND BE STILL MY JEWISH HEART! Do you know what happens? They toast to Maya and NO ONE CLINKS their glasses. I don’t think that usually happens in America. Americans just toast and clink no matter what. BUT THEY DID NOT! AND I AM SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cut to Aria waking up, and looking around. She wakes up Hanna. Where are Spencer and Emily? (Spencer and Ali?)
Spence comes down the stairs. I’ve been looking all over for her. (I thought I heard a scream.)
Me: FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW! (And kinda hoping Spencer and Emily ran off to play 7 Minutes of Heaven in the barn.)
CUT TO: Emily with a shovel. Ali’s grave. Open casket. NO BODY! I did NOT see that coming. WTF! *dead*
Next scene is the girls there. Everyone’s flipping their shit. We gotta get outta here.
So Aria and Hanna take the shovel and bury it, but Hanna tries to wipe it down first. They drive back and see someone late at night. LUCAS! OMG! Baby, why you out so late? Picking up dinner for your boyfriend, Caleb? :D
Meanwhile, my lovebirds are at Casa Hastings where Spencer is ordering Em to undress. TAKE IT ALL OFF! That’s it. Pants, begone!
Unfortunately, instead of make out, Spence burns Emily’s outfit (which, btw, Emily looks GORGEOUS in).
Everyone is together. La Leader of the Liars says they’re going to her cabin, NOW. And she’s writing a note to her mother that makes it sound like they left in the afternoon, so they were there when shit hit the fan.
Guys, we got here in the afternoon-time. Had marshmallows. Pillow fight. And Emily and I made out for an hour. That’s the story, got it? - Spencer
Tots, Hanna agrees. (She and Spence probably made out, too. After testing out Hanna’s new vocabulary. You know how Spencer feels about big words!)
So, Veronica (HI!) calls Spencer to break the news. Spencer not a good actress, but, it’s not like her parents actually care.
Then we have Aria at Ezra’s place. Aria’s got nightmares. And then they talk about how their anniversary overlaps with Ali’s disappearance and how they want to recreate the grill and then they recreate the bathroom sex (but, apparently it wasn’t actual sex, just heavy petting). I is bored. *sighs* I hope Ezra gets a better plot and interaction with other girls (SPENCER!) like the other boys. :D
SHOPPING! MY BESTIES! THEY SHOPPING AND TALKING AT STORE! WOOT!
Spencer gets a call from ‘unknown’ and Hanna has a date with the shrink. Latz! Oh, and, before I step out, here is necklace. SEE! I NO STEAL! Good girl. I love the parallels!
Anyway, it’s been like half an hour since I’ve watch. My brain is going fuzzy. I can’t recall scenes anymore, so I’ll just group it all now.
Ms. Rivers goes to Radley High to see crazy!bitch who is catatonic. (Janel, I LOVE YOU!)
LOW AND BEHOLD! ACCENT! RETURN TO ME! *drool* Wren has scenes with Hanna. He volunteers there. HE SPEAKS IN ACCENTS. All I care about.
TOBY! OMG. NO MORE SHIRT FOREVER FOR YOU! :drool: WHY YOU SO HOT?! He’s out of his house. He’s working and living upstairs, with no running water. So he showers at Spencer’s. While Spencer wears his shirt (always!). It’s gorgeous! She doesn’t know why she still wants to wait. He eventually stops and puts clothes back on. Everyone weeps.
LATER! Emily is at some new coffee house and TA DA! TOBY! OMG! MORE ET FOREVER! BEST FRIENDS! He’s worried. And he hasn’t seen Jenna since she left, so probably since summer began. Wonder where she went. She confesses about her partying ways in Haiti.
SAH are at school, signing up for classes. Emily is outside. Lucas is not friendly with the Liars.
And Aria goes to bathroom and totally freaks the fuck out. Besties come to the rescue in the bathroom and Spencer gives her mouth-to-mouth to get her breathing properly.
(WHAT? It could happen! JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE I SAID!)
La de da…they’re all called up to the cops. They stick to their stories. Mommies talk.
Blah blah blah. I don’t even know what order I’m in now. Anyway, Spencer is analyzing the Black Swan dress when Veronica comes in. She shuts her laptop and pretends to study for some subject she can do in her sleep. GIRLS NIGHT! Nah, got a final exam. Sorry. But they hadn’t hung out since Melissa…Don’t worry, Mom. She’s a Hastings. She’ll survive it.
THAT MEANS MELISSA MISCARRIED. Damn. Was really hoping we’d see baby come out with horns and a milk mustache. *sighs* I feel bad for Melissa.
Veronica leaves, as does Spencer. To El Creepy Motel.
And throughout the episode, Spencer has gotten a BILLION calls from ‘unknown.’ She finally answers and is next seen at jail. GARRETT! He didn’t kill Ali. He knows more. Things she probably doesn’t want to know. HAVE YOU EVER MET SPENCER HASTINGS. Nothing is too much information for her! But she doesn’t believe him, especially when he suggests he wants Veronica to be his lawyer and walks away. The guards are restraining Garrett. As he says he knows who took the body. Spencer CLEARLY wants to call him back, but doesn’t.
Elsewhere, Emily is running (WHY WE NO SEE Emily/Spencer running together!?!?!!?) and sees Jenna’s car from the finale. She gets a flash of that night a couple days ago. About to move closer and Jenna leaves. She freaks. (So, Jenna and Emily went to Kissing Rock while girls sleep? I approve!)
Dr. Wren calls Hanna while she’s with Caleb and he’s save by the call after saying the “I” word: Intimacy. *GASP* It’s “Spencer.” (By that, she means, Wren is calling to set up threesome with Spencer/Hanna/Wren. APPROVED!) He says that visiting Mona is a good thing. Come by? CALEB! Um..Yes, Spencer! And keeps saying Spencer into the phone and Wren is confused and amused. (Then calls Spencer to tell her Hanna’s in on threesome time.)
Hanna visits and asks Mona is she still wants Hanna to keep coming. Mona FINALLY turns to acknowledge Hanna’s presence, except, wait, what? She sees ALISON! In red. She’s looking right past Hanna. Hanna turns and there’s just a chair.
I mean, at least Ali/Sasha was in the ep? *sighs*
Wrapping this up….
So, while I’ve mentioned what girls did this summer, here’s the reality of it. I mean, all that happened, but not even close.
Spencer: Went to El Creepy Motel every day to recreate Room No. 2 from her insane brain.
Emily: Partied and got wasted in Haiti.
Hanna: Visited crazy!bitch Mona.
Aria: Major PTSD. And her parents broke up/divorced.
I DEMAND BRIAN KRAUSE GET CAST RIGHT THIS FUCKING SECOND! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! I need Holly and Brian together again!
So, girls all reconvene at El Creepy Motel. And girls confess something to Emily. After that night, SAH returned, and EVERYTHING WAS GONE! They just didn’t want to worry Emily anymore. So Spencer’s been doing this through her INSANE BRAIN.
Then they hear Spencer’s car alarm and go outside to see all the doors open. Someone’s there. (WHY YOU LEAVE LAPTOP ALONE?!) What’s in the car? God, all I was thinking was..NOT THE BODY! No. Just a photo from the cemetery. FILLING UP THE ENTIRE CAR. One photo printed a billion times.
CUE PHONE!
Mona liked to play with dolls. I like to play with body parts.
OH MAN! THIS IS GONNA BE AN EPIC SEASON!