In which Lara is the coolest person in Dreamland...
So last night I had a slasher dream. Considering how much I love slasher movies, one might think I embraced the chance to have a new one all up in my head that I didn't even need to pay admission for. Not necessarily so. I would like to take this opportunity to tell you how much arse I kicked by thinking on my feet.
It started off that I was crawling through a tunnel (lol no) while exploring NYC with Eva Amurri (Susan Sarandon's daughter. Why? Don't ask me) and the killer got into the other end of the tunnel and crawled towards us so we had to crawl super fast to get away. Most of the rest of the dream took place in an office building we were partying in because why not party after being chased by a masked killer, amirite? And then he tracked us down OH NOES. It was basically me trying to avoid the cliche masked baddie by doing awesome things and then watching lots of people die because I wasn't awesome enough to save everyone, alas. But I actually scoured the building we were all trapped in (it was a Halloween party and we were all in costumes) for things to help me survive like a video game heroine, bitches. I found a knife and a gun and apparently a holster to carry them in (yeah, I don't know...) and like ninja throwing stars I totally used, and well.
Then I was in the elevator with some other scared people and the thing stalled. The door opened between floors and the killer was on the bottom floor with a chainsaw he somehow scrounged up in this office building we were partying in. He jammed the thing into the opening and chainsawed away while the others screamed. I risked my flesh to jam the stop button so it wouldn't inch down any further towards the waiting killer and then I got us all out the top of the elevator and up to the floor above. Why the killer didn't just run up the stairs and head us off, I don't know. But hush, I'm being a heroine here.
Then we were on the first floor (NOT the ground floor, Yanks. One floor above ground) and I found a window near a tree. I tried it and it was unlocked so I ushered the people I was with out the window and then shimmied down the tree myself so I could call the cops on ze killer. They arrived and then I realised it MUST be a TRAP because the window wouldn't be left open on accident. I don't even know how this killer was going to somehow take out like dozens of police officers but if Michael Meyers taught us anything in Halloween 2, it's that no matter how many people he was up against, he still just slashed right through them and kept on going. So I made the police go into the party, via the window, dressed in Halloween costumes and roughed up a little bit so they would look like partygoers and take the killer by surprise. Again, not sure how that was supposed to work, but HUSH BECAUSE I SAVED THE DAY.
They police took him out and then all the survivors who had been at the party signed up for the police force except me. I became an informant. And the moral of the story (besides how awesome I totally am) is that all you need to do to join the police force is be totally ineffective against a masked killer and yet be lucky enough to survive anyway.
In reality I am much less ninja-throwing-star wielding and more annoyed that my arse hurts. Because of my exercise bike, people. Sheesh.
It started off that I was crawling through a tunnel (lol no) while exploring NYC with Eva Amurri (Susan Sarandon's daughter. Why? Don't ask me) and the killer got into the other end of the tunnel and crawled towards us so we had to crawl super fast to get away. Most of the rest of the dream took place in an office building we were partying in because why not party after being chased by a masked killer, amirite? And then he tracked us down OH NOES. It was basically me trying to avoid the cliche masked baddie by doing awesome things and then watching lots of people die because I wasn't awesome enough to save everyone, alas. But I actually scoured the building we were all trapped in (it was a Halloween party and we were all in costumes) for things to help me survive like a video game heroine, bitches. I found a knife and a gun and apparently a holster to carry them in (yeah, I don't know...) and like ninja throwing stars I totally used, and well.
Then I was in the elevator with some other scared people and the thing stalled. The door opened between floors and the killer was on the bottom floor with a chainsaw he somehow scrounged up in this office building we were partying in. He jammed the thing into the opening and chainsawed away while the others screamed. I risked my flesh to jam the stop button so it wouldn't inch down any further towards the waiting killer and then I got us all out the top of the elevator and up to the floor above. Why the killer didn't just run up the stairs and head us off, I don't know. But hush, I'm being a heroine here.
Then we were on the first floor (NOT the ground floor, Yanks. One floor above ground) and I found a window near a tree. I tried it and it was unlocked so I ushered the people I was with out the window and then shimmied down the tree myself so I could call the cops on ze killer. They arrived and then I realised it MUST be a TRAP because the window wouldn't be left open on accident. I don't even know how this killer was going to somehow take out like dozens of police officers but if Michael Meyers taught us anything in Halloween 2, it's that no matter how many people he was up against, he still just slashed right through them and kept on going. So I made the police go into the party, via the window, dressed in Halloween costumes and roughed up a little bit so they would look like partygoers and take the killer by surprise. Again, not sure how that was supposed to work, but HUSH BECAUSE I SAVED THE DAY.
They police took him out and then all the survivors who had been at the party signed up for the police force except me. I became an informant. And the moral of the story (besides how awesome I totally am) is that all you need to do to join the police force is be totally ineffective against a masked killer and yet be lucky enough to survive anyway.
In reality I am much less ninja-throwing-star wielding and more annoyed that my arse hurts. Because of my exercise bike, people. Sheesh.