(no subject)
It's interesting being surrounded by social workers who are going through trauma along with everyone else in Christchurch. Some of the people in my course are absolutely torn apart over the earthquake and I'm realising I am not as okay with it as I thought when EVERY loud noise in the building makes me nearly dive under the desk. When I got home I have earthquake dreams because I couldn't sleep last night and now all I can dream are shakeyshakeshakes. Arrggghhhhhnotcool. And it doesn't help that then we have a lecture on mental health services and the teacher (lovely lady, honestly!) is talking about how some people feel unwell or whatever and I'm like ...god I feel pretty fucking unwell sometimes! Like now, not wanting to leave my home because aftershocks could happen at any time and what if shit falls on me and lalala headfuck.
BUT. Surrounded by social workers in training IS good. I send a text message to one of them and I get a reply in seconds that makes me feel better. Pretty awesome.
I am so tired. So unable to sleep. I should try to remember, when I think I can get to sleep without sleeping pills, that I AM MESSED UP and my brain doesn't just shut off. I can function and sometimes my ability to function surprises me, but that doesn't mean I'm a-okay. Lara, learn your limits. Take the damn pills. You'll feel better the next day.
(Also sometimes RP scenes give me flashbacks, but I have no one to blame but myself, because I did read the warning thing and read it anyway! Once again, I need to learn to listen to ME...)
BUT. Surrounded by social workers in training IS good. I send a text message to one of them and I get a reply in seconds that makes me feel better. Pretty awesome.
I am so tired. So unable to sleep. I should try to remember, when I think I can get to sleep without sleeping pills, that I AM MESSED UP and my brain doesn't just shut off. I can function and sometimes my ability to function surprises me, but that doesn't mean I'm a-okay. Lara, learn your limits. Take the damn pills. You'll feel better the next day.
(Also sometimes RP scenes give me flashbacks, but I have no one to blame but myself, because I did read the warning thing and read it anyway! Once again, I need to learn to listen to ME...)