Day 156
January 1 is my traditional day for taking down any Christmas decorations I have, mostly past cards and holiday themed stuffed animals. It's kind of silly that I put them up in the first place given that I don't celebrate the holiday, but I like some of the images on the cards or the little faces of the Christmas bears that I've collected. Eh *shrug*.
This was also the day I decided to put away Eddie's things into a box. I've left them sitting out in the living room since he died, usually ignoring them, but gazing at them every now and then. I know how I operate and things like this take time for me to do. But January 1 felt the right time for packing them up. I cried, but it was out of sadness at the ending of his physical presence and I let myself cry. This has been a Big Thing For Me. As a kid, I hated crying, particularly because I saw it as "girly" (ick) and weak. Add to it that I can cry at the drop of a hat, well, it was always something I disliked about myself. But when I read a fanfic line that basically said crying was love that had nowhere to go, it made me rethink my views about crying. I'm not ashamed of it anymore. I'm letting that emotion out.
I expect that at some point this year, probably after the one year anniversary of his death, I'll look to adopting another cat. I can feel myself being better able to do it.
2016 has been probably my second worst year of my life; only my grandfather's death when I was 8 was worse. There have some good things in my life - seeing a great Garth Brooks concert, meeting some good people at a Chicago con, Canada's women's Olympic swim team and having people here on LJ offer support and guidance. But the loss of my cat, the loss of so many public figures, compounded with the real distress of the American presidency (looking at you, Voldemort) and professional aggravations have made my year overall crappy.
On a side note... I teach Canadian history and WWII is a big component of that. When we examined the rise of Hitler, the parallels with Voldemort were blindingly obvious. America, how could you have done this? How can WWII vets in your country stand to see their own presidency become that which they had fought against?
I can only hope that 2017 will be better. Given how low 2016 set the bar, it doesn't take much to be better. But this is Canada's 150th year and that is cause for celebration.
I miss you, Eddie. I love you. Be a good boy.