Day 61
I don't know if the return to work has me feeling the loss of Eddie more or if something else is going on. Perhaps it's a routine thing. During the school year, I would give Eddie fresh water and food in the morning and try to keep him from escaping outside as I left for work. He would usually greet me when I would come home. That I no longer have this is perhaps making me feel that there is definitely something "off" when I walk through the front door.
I find myself in generally a better mood during the day and that may have to do with being around people all day. I wonder if it's a mask to allow me to forget the negatives in my life, if only for a short while. Nights this last week have left me feeling very sad and nights are when I'm alone and don't need the mask.
I've been thinking of maybe adopting another cat. Sometimes I think that it's a good idea and then other times, I see a cat and can only think that it's not Eddie. There's another part that so very much wants me to help shelter animals with more than just a donation. I suppose I'm in a limbo and can't really seem to move in any direction.
This is also a weekend that Sebastian Stan is doing a comic con and I'm feeling a mix of emotions about that, as well. Resentment is the strongest at the moment - why do those fans get to see him when I couldn't, at a time when I desperately needed some joy? It's selfish and petty, but no less true.
Or maybe it's just the weather.
I miss you, Eddie. I love you. Be a good boy, okay?