The End of Silence
3. Routine and an Incident, Part 3
After three minutes Greer came back, with TJ at his coattail. Finally they were able to go into the room using their flashlights.
Both men were lying near the wall straight across from one of the consoles, wedged into each other in quite a bizarre way. Somebody had obviously removed the inspection panel of the console and its inner parts were blackened.
TJ tried to feel their pulse on the throat and said anxiously after a few seconds: “Take Rush away from Eli and put him over there.”
Scott and Greer lifted him carefully and carried him to safety. While both men carried Rush away, TJ didn’t wait and took care of Eli directly. She turned him on his back, outstretched his arms and legs until he lay straight. Then she pulled his t-shirt up as far as possible and used her stethoscope to hear his heartbeat. But there was nothing, and also no breathing.
“Okay, I have to apply the heart defibrillator.” TJ said to Scott and Greer. I need help to put him on a blanket. His skin should not touch any conducting material.
So Scott and Greer lifted Eli and TJ spread the blanket, which was part of her equipment, under him. While Scott went over to Rush, Greer helped TJ to prepare the heart defibrillator. Then TJ positioned the contactors below the left breast and above the right one, removed herself as far as possible and asked Greer to switch on the power.
It was necessary to repeat the procedure several times before Eli showed any kind of reaction when his heart started to beat and he was breathing again.
TJ anxiously waited a few more seconds, then turned to Scott, who was still sitting beside Rush, and asked: “Is his pulse stable?”
“Yes it is, though his breathing is flat but regular.” Scott answered her.
“Good, stay alert. There’s always the possibility for cardiac arrhythmia at some later point after a electric shock occurs.” TJ explained clinically.
In the meantime Young, a few other soldiers, Brody and Volker arrived in the control room, to find out first hand about the events there. All of them were worried after they saw what was going on. But after the initial shock, routine followed and Brody was the first one to ask practical questions. “Should I bring the kino-sled, TJ?”
“Yes, that’s a good idea, both of them should be brought to the infirmary as quickly as possible!” TJ told him, still occupied with caring for Eli.
A few minutes later Brody and Volker brought the kino-sled into the room and helped to put the two men on it. They lay them head and feet aside to transport them at the same time.
In the following hours TJ applied all the available instruments to control the vital functions, and prepared herself for a long night. Eli especially would need strict medical care. He was by far not out of the woods. Rush did much better, but TJ knew anything was possible, and she had to expect unpredictable events for him as well. It was not really that long ago that he had undergone two surgeries in short order to implant and remove the tracking device of the Nakai. They had been forced not only to improvise but also to act quickly. Secondary damage later on was always possible in such a case.
* * *It was in the middle of the night when Eli’s unconsciousness dissolved from its leaden heaviness. First he was able to hear, and then with time he could see more and more light. He moved his head carefully, but found it was a bad decision, because he had an infernal headache and equally irksome nausea. Carefully, very carefully he turned his head back into the position it was in the beginning, to feel better.
After a few minutes that felt like an eternity, he could hear a displeasing high beeping noise whose intervals shortened with the minutes passing. With it came a lot of hustle and bustle. Then he could hear TJ shouting commands at someone. More rattling and clacking followed and Eli discerned that she was taking care of someone else in the infirmary, aside from himself.
Eli blacked out again, and when he was back only a few minutes later, he heard the same displeasing noise as before, but this time it was an uninterrupted all-over sound that hurt in his ears. At the same time he heard someone crying and somebody else murmuring calming words in a low voice.
‘That’s Vanessa.’ Eli thought. ‘What happened? Is that TJ who’s crying?’
Slowly he tried to move one hand, then the next one, a foot, and then the head another time. This time he didn’t feel the nausea, and the light wasn’t that bad anymore. ‘If just that annoying noise would stop’ he thought, and looked in the direction the sound came from.
He saw Lieutenant James, who hugged TJ, speaking calming words to her. TJ’s face was covered with her hands and she was sobbing. A human figure masked with a blanket on the bed lay behind the two women. Though the head of the person was also under the blanket, he saw that it was Rush because of one arm, which had dropped out at the side that he could see.
‘Well, somebody wasn’t lucky, was he?’ Eli thought, and then he asked out loud: “Is he dead?”
“Yes,” was Lieutenant James short answer, “he’s dead. Sudden complications. Cardiac arrest. Just like that, without clear indication.”
“I’m so sorry. It’s my fault, it wasn’t intentional,” Eli said quietly. ‘Are you sure?’ He thought. ‘Of course, I am!‘ He told himself. ‘I’m not a bloody murderer. Not even if it comes to Rush, who really did a lot to earn this!’
“It’s my fault. It was a silly accident; it could have been easy avoided! I’m really sorry!” Eli reiterated.
“Nobody’s accusing you. I understand it was an accident”, TJ replied with an unsure voice. “I just have problems with losing people. I always ask myself whether it could have been avoided? If only my medical education was better.”
Vanessa James interrupted her with her quite but firm voice: “To blame yourself is exactly the wrong thing to do. You’re always doing all that’s possible. We all do. Sometimes it’s not enough, but that’s our life here. It’s not always fair and you won’t win all the time!”
“Yes, you’re right. It’s not that I liked him. I’ve never become accustomed to his brusque behaviour. But that doesn’t mean I don’t blame myself. I’m sure I’ll miss him at least in a few days. Who’ll repair my medical equipment now? I know, others are able to do this, but you know, … sometimes, if it was important, and I needed something quickly, I’d ask him to come. And he just came as soon as possible and did what was necessary. I’ll miss that.”
“Yah, strange,” James continued, “he was really unfriendly, most of the time in a bad mood, arrogant, but often also ready to help in some cases. He just did his job, without asking for preferential treatment. I liked that. And I know behind this tough exterior was a man who wanted to do the right things, but wasn’t always able to communicate it in an appropriate way. And, really, who’s perfect, anyway?”
“Nobody is.” Eli said, “but I also know that Rush is one of the least perfect people here. Um, … I mean, … he was one of the least perfect people here.”
“Eli you do understand that this is your own opinion,” James replied, “and that maybe not everybody will share it, though a lot will. But aside from that, you should rest, and sleep for the rest of the night. I’ll keep an eye on you, while TJ gets some sleep as well.” And with that James shoved TJ soft but firmly to the entrance, so she’d get some sleep too.
After Lieutenant Johansen left, and Eli lay in his bed again, James radioed two of her colleagues to wrap Rush’s body in a sheet, and to bring him into one of their cold rooms. There the body could stay until they were able to burry him on one of the next planets they visited.
* * *Eli had to stay two more days in the infirmary, until he got TJ’s okay to leave. Consequently he missed Rush’s funeral, but he was not terribly unhappy because of it. At least it wasn’t necessary to fake compassion.
During the two days he lay in the infirmary he had a lot of time to think about what had happened, and now he was convinced that this little misfortune was for the best for the crew. ‘Didn’t he more than once risk the life of everybody here, without thinking a single moment about consequences? Wasn’t the ship more important to him than anyone on the crew? Didn’t he strand all of us on this ship out of a selfish whim? And I, I helped him! I’ll never forgive myself for that. Of course, in the beginning everything was a great big adventure, but after people started to die, and Rush lied and cheated more and more to Young and everybody else, the adventure stopped.
Rush was a serious danger for the people here. It was simply too convenient for him to risk lives, just to stick to his schedule to fulfil Destiny’s mission. Actually he was just a dangerous and unscrupulous madman. And we will do better without him.’
While he was still lost in his thoughts, he heard footsteps approaching the door. Then the steps stopped, and he could hear the characteristic hissing sound of an opening door. The footsteps were obviously those of Colonel Young.
“Hello Eli. How are you? TJ told me you’re better. I wish I could give you a few more days to rest, but I really need you. With Rush gone I need someone to replace him.”
Eli observed him without sympathy and answered: “Yes, I understand. Don’t worry, I’m sure with all of us working together, there won’t be a problem replacing Rush. But before I come with you, I’d first like to have a shower, if you don’t mind. After that I’ll go directly to the bridge.”
“That’s okay with me, Eli. See you soon.” Colonel Young answered, looking horribly tired. Then after a few seconds he added: “The whole bridge crew assured me they will back you as much as they can. And I’m sure they’ll stand to that. But, Eli, I hope you’re aware that it won’t be easy for you. You’ll be forced to make decisions others have made before. And you’ll experience that not all of them are right, and regardless of how you feel, you will have to go on afterwards. But I’m sure you’ll do it, though it won’t be easy. Do you understand this, Eli?”
“Yes,” Eli said with a grave voice. “I’m aware that it won’t be easy, but I’m sure I’ll manage will everybody’s help.”
Young nodded, smiling weakly and left.
* * *Young was right. The following weeks were a severe test for Eli. Though he indeed had everybody’s support, he felt more than once that he could not continue much longer. The more pressure, the more he tried to escape it. Then he started to hang out with Brody and a few others and made a habit of drinking a lot of Brody’s Specials, more than he should, though he nearly never drank alcohol before.
With the weeks passing he got more and more nagging doubts whether the mishap in which Rush lost his life was maybe a symptom of his whole existence now. He felt too often the burden of his new responsibility, so he started to pass on difficult decisions that he didn’t feel comfortable with, and afterwards he got drunk. At the end of one of those days, he’d drunk so much that he fell unconscious and had to be taken to the infirmary.
* * *Again, it was in the middle of the night. And again Eli’s unconsciousness dissolved slowly from its leaden heaviness, which tried to pull him back over and over again. When he managed to move his head after several attempts, he felt a severe headache and a horrible nausea. Carefully, very carefully he turned his head, trying at the same time to get a grip on this nausea.
When he finally was conscious again and he saw TJ standing nearby at a table, he felt the necessity to apologise, but it took a few more attempts until he was able to talk coherently. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done that. All I do is make trouble because I can’t control myself! Oh, god, I feel so sick!”
“Hey, what’s going on?” TJ asked worriedly, looking at him.
“I feel really sick!” Eli hummed low.
“Headache?” TJ asked back.
“Yes, hella!” Eli replied. “But I guess that’s not a surprise, isn’t it?”
“Maybe not a surprise, but not what I expected!” TJ replied still worried, starting to examine him.
A few seconds later Eli said weakly: “How’s this surprising? Doesn’t a hangover always look like this?”
“Um, a hangover, maybe,” TJ said with a small smile, “but an electrical shock does not have the same effects as abuse of alcohol. If that’s what you’re talking about.”
Eli blinked through half open eyes at her: “Aren’t I here because I spent the whole evening drinking with Brody and the others?”
“No, you’re not.” TJ said visibly confused. “You’re here because you and Dr. Rush had an accident in the control room. Both of you were lucky, and aside from a few burns, abrasions and bruises, neither of you suffered serious harm.”
“Rush is alive?” Eli asked back in an irritated tone.
“Yes, he’s alive.” TJ said and turned her head into the direction of Rush’s platform. “To be honest, he came through the accident much better than you did. For some time it didn’t look good for you!”
Eli faced Rush’s bed. He seemed to be asleep and he only saw minor scratches on the back of his hand, and a few reddened spots in his face.
“It was only a dream!” He said to himself. “All of it, nothing but a bad dream”, he replied relieved, and added: “but regardless, I got a hellish headache!”
“I’ll make a tea for you, than you’ll feel much better in half an hour. Anyway, try to sleep now.” TJ answered him and went away to compose the necessary ingredients. Then she mentioned casually: “I thought you would have been back a few hours earlier. It looked like you started to be conscious again, but then you fell asleep again, and I thought it was better to let you sleep.”
Eli listened to the low clattering and rustling noises TJ made in preparing his tea, and during that he fell asleep. Somewhere between awake and asleep he wondered if Destiny would send him such a dream again. But at that time the thought was too much a part of his unconsciousness to stay with him.
It is not easy to come through to them, and it is still unsure whether the message found a listener.
In such cases it knew, how limited the resources were that it had at hand.
After three minutes Greer came back, with TJ at his coattail. Finally they were able to go into the room using their flashlights.
Both men were lying near the wall straight across from one of the consoles, wedged into each other in quite a bizarre way. Somebody had obviously removed the inspection panel of the console and its inner parts were blackened.
TJ tried to feel their pulse on the throat and said anxiously after a few seconds: “Take Rush away from Eli and put him over there.”
Scott and Greer lifted him carefully and carried him to safety. While both men carried Rush away, TJ didn’t wait and took care of Eli directly. She turned him on his back, outstretched his arms and legs until he lay straight. Then she pulled his t-shirt up as far as possible and used her stethoscope to hear his heartbeat. But there was nothing, and also no breathing.
“Okay, I have to apply the heart defibrillator.” TJ said to Scott and Greer. I need help to put him on a blanket. His skin should not touch any conducting material.
So Scott and Greer lifted Eli and TJ spread the blanket, which was part of her equipment, under him. While Scott went over to Rush, Greer helped TJ to prepare the heart defibrillator. Then TJ positioned the contactors below the left breast and above the right one, removed herself as far as possible and asked Greer to switch on the power.
It was necessary to repeat the procedure several times before Eli showed any kind of reaction when his heart started to beat and he was breathing again.
TJ anxiously waited a few more seconds, then turned to Scott, who was still sitting beside Rush, and asked: “Is his pulse stable?”
“Yes it is, though his breathing is flat but regular.” Scott answered her.
“Good, stay alert. There’s always the possibility for cardiac arrhythmia at some later point after a electric shock occurs.” TJ explained clinically.
In the meantime Young, a few other soldiers, Brody and Volker arrived in the control room, to find out first hand about the events there. All of them were worried after they saw what was going on. But after the initial shock, routine followed and Brody was the first one to ask practical questions. “Should I bring the kino-sled, TJ?”
“Yes, that’s a good idea, both of them should be brought to the infirmary as quickly as possible!” TJ told him, still occupied with caring for Eli.
A few minutes later Brody and Volker brought the kino-sled into the room and helped to put the two men on it. They lay them head and feet aside to transport them at the same time.
In the following hours TJ applied all the available instruments to control the vital functions, and prepared herself for a long night. Eli especially would need strict medical care. He was by far not out of the woods. Rush did much better, but TJ knew anything was possible, and she had to expect unpredictable events for him as well. It was not really that long ago that he had undergone two surgeries in short order to implant and remove the tracking device of the Nakai. They had been forced not only to improvise but also to act quickly. Secondary damage later on was always possible in such a case.
* * *It was in the middle of the night when Eli’s unconsciousness dissolved from its leaden heaviness. First he was able to hear, and then with time he could see more and more light. He moved his head carefully, but found it was a bad decision, because he had an infernal headache and equally irksome nausea. Carefully, very carefully he turned his head back into the position it was in the beginning, to feel better.
After a few minutes that felt like an eternity, he could hear a displeasing high beeping noise whose intervals shortened with the minutes passing. With it came a lot of hustle and bustle. Then he could hear TJ shouting commands at someone. More rattling and clacking followed and Eli discerned that she was taking care of someone else in the infirmary, aside from himself.
Eli blacked out again, and when he was back only a few minutes later, he heard the same displeasing noise as before, but this time it was an uninterrupted all-over sound that hurt in his ears. At the same time he heard someone crying and somebody else murmuring calming words in a low voice.
‘That’s Vanessa.’ Eli thought. ‘What happened? Is that TJ who’s crying?’
Slowly he tried to move one hand, then the next one, a foot, and then the head another time. This time he didn’t feel the nausea, and the light wasn’t that bad anymore. ‘If just that annoying noise would stop’ he thought, and looked in the direction the sound came from.
He saw Lieutenant James, who hugged TJ, speaking calming words to her. TJ’s face was covered with her hands and she was sobbing. A human figure masked with a blanket on the bed lay behind the two women. Though the head of the person was also under the blanket, he saw that it was Rush because of one arm, which had dropped out at the side that he could see.
‘Well, somebody wasn’t lucky, was he?’ Eli thought, and then he asked out loud: “Is he dead?”
“Yes,” was Lieutenant James short answer, “he’s dead. Sudden complications. Cardiac arrest. Just like that, without clear indication.”
“I’m so sorry. It’s my fault, it wasn’t intentional,” Eli said quietly. ‘Are you sure?’ He thought. ‘Of course, I am!‘ He told himself. ‘I’m not a bloody murderer. Not even if it comes to Rush, who really did a lot to earn this!’
“It’s my fault. It was a silly accident; it could have been easy avoided! I’m really sorry!” Eli reiterated.
“Nobody’s accusing you. I understand it was an accident”, TJ replied with an unsure voice. “I just have problems with losing people. I always ask myself whether it could have been avoided? If only my medical education was better.”
Vanessa James interrupted her with her quite but firm voice: “To blame yourself is exactly the wrong thing to do. You’re always doing all that’s possible. We all do. Sometimes it’s not enough, but that’s our life here. It’s not always fair and you won’t win all the time!”
“Yes, you’re right. It’s not that I liked him. I’ve never become accustomed to his brusque behaviour. But that doesn’t mean I don’t blame myself. I’m sure I’ll miss him at least in a few days. Who’ll repair my medical equipment now? I know, others are able to do this, but you know, … sometimes, if it was important, and I needed something quickly, I’d ask him to come. And he just came as soon as possible and did what was necessary. I’ll miss that.”
“Yah, strange,” James continued, “he was really unfriendly, most of the time in a bad mood, arrogant, but often also ready to help in some cases. He just did his job, without asking for preferential treatment. I liked that. And I know behind this tough exterior was a man who wanted to do the right things, but wasn’t always able to communicate it in an appropriate way. And, really, who’s perfect, anyway?”
“Nobody is.” Eli said, “but I also know that Rush is one of the least perfect people here. Um, … I mean, … he was one of the least perfect people here.”
“Eli you do understand that this is your own opinion,” James replied, “and that maybe not everybody will share it, though a lot will. But aside from that, you should rest, and sleep for the rest of the night. I’ll keep an eye on you, while TJ gets some sleep as well.” And with that James shoved TJ soft but firmly to the entrance, so she’d get some sleep too.
After Lieutenant Johansen left, and Eli lay in his bed again, James radioed two of her colleagues to wrap Rush’s body in a sheet, and to bring him into one of their cold rooms. There the body could stay until they were able to burry him on one of the next planets they visited.
* * *Eli had to stay two more days in the infirmary, until he got TJ’s okay to leave. Consequently he missed Rush’s funeral, but he was not terribly unhappy because of it. At least it wasn’t necessary to fake compassion.
During the two days he lay in the infirmary he had a lot of time to think about what had happened, and now he was convinced that this little misfortune was for the best for the crew. ‘Didn’t he more than once risk the life of everybody here, without thinking a single moment about consequences? Wasn’t the ship more important to him than anyone on the crew? Didn’t he strand all of us on this ship out of a selfish whim? And I, I helped him! I’ll never forgive myself for that. Of course, in the beginning everything was a great big adventure, but after people started to die, and Rush lied and cheated more and more to Young and everybody else, the adventure stopped.
Rush was a serious danger for the people here. It was simply too convenient for him to risk lives, just to stick to his schedule to fulfil Destiny’s mission. Actually he was just a dangerous and unscrupulous madman. And we will do better without him.’
While he was still lost in his thoughts, he heard footsteps approaching the door. Then the steps stopped, and he could hear the characteristic hissing sound of an opening door. The footsteps were obviously those of Colonel Young.
“Hello Eli. How are you? TJ told me you’re better. I wish I could give you a few more days to rest, but I really need you. With Rush gone I need someone to replace him.”
Eli observed him without sympathy and answered: “Yes, I understand. Don’t worry, I’m sure with all of us working together, there won’t be a problem replacing Rush. But before I come with you, I’d first like to have a shower, if you don’t mind. After that I’ll go directly to the bridge.”
“That’s okay with me, Eli. See you soon.” Colonel Young answered, looking horribly tired. Then after a few seconds he added: “The whole bridge crew assured me they will back you as much as they can. And I’m sure they’ll stand to that. But, Eli, I hope you’re aware that it won’t be easy for you. You’ll be forced to make decisions others have made before. And you’ll experience that not all of them are right, and regardless of how you feel, you will have to go on afterwards. But I’m sure you’ll do it, though it won’t be easy. Do you understand this, Eli?”
“Yes,” Eli said with a grave voice. “I’m aware that it won’t be easy, but I’m sure I’ll manage will everybody’s help.”
Young nodded, smiling weakly and left.
* * *Young was right. The following weeks were a severe test for Eli. Though he indeed had everybody’s support, he felt more than once that he could not continue much longer. The more pressure, the more he tried to escape it. Then he started to hang out with Brody and a few others and made a habit of drinking a lot of Brody’s Specials, more than he should, though he nearly never drank alcohol before.
With the weeks passing he got more and more nagging doubts whether the mishap in which Rush lost his life was maybe a symptom of his whole existence now. He felt too often the burden of his new responsibility, so he started to pass on difficult decisions that he didn’t feel comfortable with, and afterwards he got drunk. At the end of one of those days, he’d drunk so much that he fell unconscious and had to be taken to the infirmary.
* * *Again, it was in the middle of the night. And again Eli’s unconsciousness dissolved slowly from its leaden heaviness, which tried to pull him back over and over again. When he managed to move his head after several attempts, he felt a severe headache and a horrible nausea. Carefully, very carefully he turned his head, trying at the same time to get a grip on this nausea.
When he finally was conscious again and he saw TJ standing nearby at a table, he felt the necessity to apologise, but it took a few more attempts until he was able to talk coherently. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done that. All I do is make trouble because I can’t control myself! Oh, god, I feel so sick!”
“Hey, what’s going on?” TJ asked worriedly, looking at him.
“I feel really sick!” Eli hummed low.
“Headache?” TJ asked back.
“Yes, hella!” Eli replied. “But I guess that’s not a surprise, isn’t it?”
“Maybe not a surprise, but not what I expected!” TJ replied still worried, starting to examine him.
A few seconds later Eli said weakly: “How’s this surprising? Doesn’t a hangover always look like this?”
“Um, a hangover, maybe,” TJ said with a small smile, “but an electrical shock does not have the same effects as abuse of alcohol. If that’s what you’re talking about.”
Eli blinked through half open eyes at her: “Aren’t I here because I spent the whole evening drinking with Brody and the others?”
“No, you’re not.” TJ said visibly confused. “You’re here because you and Dr. Rush had an accident in the control room. Both of you were lucky, and aside from a few burns, abrasions and bruises, neither of you suffered serious harm.”
“Rush is alive?” Eli asked back in an irritated tone.
“Yes, he’s alive.” TJ said and turned her head into the direction of Rush’s platform. “To be honest, he came through the accident much better than you did. For some time it didn’t look good for you!”
Eli faced Rush’s bed. He seemed to be asleep and he only saw minor scratches on the back of his hand, and a few reddened spots in his face.
“It was only a dream!” He said to himself. “All of it, nothing but a bad dream”, he replied relieved, and added: “but regardless, I got a hellish headache!”
“I’ll make a tea for you, than you’ll feel much better in half an hour. Anyway, try to sleep now.” TJ answered him and went away to compose the necessary ingredients. Then she mentioned casually: “I thought you would have been back a few hours earlier. It looked like you started to be conscious again, but then you fell asleep again, and I thought it was better to let you sleep.”
Eli listened to the low clattering and rustling noises TJ made in preparing his tea, and during that he fell asleep. Somewhere between awake and asleep he wondered if Destiny would send him such a dream again. But at that time the thought was too much a part of his unconsciousness to stay with him.
It is not easy to come through to them, and it is still unsure whether the message found a listener.
In such cases it knew, how limited the resources were that it had at hand.