unrequited conversations
from being the person i was years ago to this, i don't think it's seen. i tried to change into something better. less this, more that. someone i could be okay with. and some days i really feel like that person and other days i'm not pleased with myself at all. and to quote tegan quin "i feel like i wouldn't like me if i met me."
and if i was some better person, i don't think it'd be noticed. people would remember me and the things i did to disappoint them.
i have all these things i want to say to certain people, but i don't because they'd be unrequited conversations. i don't do well with compliments and i don't do well complimenting others and when i do, it just gets shrugged off. like i'm just saying it to say it and i couldn't possibly be meaning it. i could talk for a year of my feelings and gratitude toward one person and in the end, their only response would be "okay." and that is frustrating.
i start to speak but i stop because i see it won't matter. it doesn't change anything. apologizing for the past doesn't make any difference now. i'll always just be that girl who said the wrong thing at the wrong time. and who could never make up for her mistakes.
-Kassen
and if i was some better person, i don't think it'd be noticed. people would remember me and the things i did to disappoint them.
i have all these things i want to say to certain people, but i don't because they'd be unrequited conversations. i don't do well with compliments and i don't do well complimenting others and when i do, it just gets shrugged off. like i'm just saying it to say it and i couldn't possibly be meaning it. i could talk for a year of my feelings and gratitude toward one person and in the end, their only response would be "okay." and that is frustrating.
i start to speak but i stop because i see it won't matter. it doesn't change anything. apologizing for the past doesn't make any difference now. i'll always just be that girl who said the wrong thing at the wrong time. and who could never make up for her mistakes.
-Kassen