sad / Popular
There were things I should have done last night. I should have gone shopping with BLT and marlene. I should have gone to the poetry thing at coffee bean. I should have gone to Good Times with Judo and the girls, but I just didn't. The reason, I was sad. I was so sad last night that I couldn't find the power to get up and put on my usual depressing girly songs. Just on the bed in the dark letting it get to me.
I wrote a list of everything that made me sad and I was gonna post it but it's not important I guess. I just didn't want to deal with people. Finding disappointment in them all and then in myself for wanting more that the random meaningless chatter most people offer. And why the hell can't I be content with that like everyone else?
This is the first time in my life...that I've wanted to be cold and pretty emotionless like a lot of people I know. It's easier for them I've known but I never wanted to be like that, I revelled feeling and being amused by totally pointless situations but now, I actually want to not feel anything. Sad, sad, sad. I didn't go out last night cause I didn't want the noise that I'm sick of. At least being alone at home I know it's cause I want to be, but when I'm around all these people, even my friends and I feel alone...that's not good. And I just didn't want to feel it this time.
I need something new.
Let me tell you what came through for me. Popular. I started watching the first season of Popular on DVD. My goodness I loved that show then and I heart it and appreciate it even more now. Good shows never have a chance. It was really speaking to me last night. We take pride in being different but we all want to be "in" eventually, and I have never been in. Watching from the outside, yes. Well, suppose it's meant to be this way then.
-Kassen
I wrote a list of everything that made me sad and I was gonna post it but it's not important I guess. I just didn't want to deal with people. Finding disappointment in them all and then in myself for wanting more that the random meaningless chatter most people offer. And why the hell can't I be content with that like everyone else?
This is the first time in my life...that I've wanted to be cold and pretty emotionless like a lot of people I know. It's easier for them I've known but I never wanted to be like that, I revelled feeling and being amused by totally pointless situations but now, I actually want to not feel anything. Sad, sad, sad. I didn't go out last night cause I didn't want the noise that I'm sick of. At least being alone at home I know it's cause I want to be, but when I'm around all these people, even my friends and I feel alone...that's not good. And I just didn't want to feel it this time.
I need something new.
Let me tell you what came through for me. Popular. I started watching the first season of Popular on DVD. My goodness I loved that show then and I heart it and appreciate it even more now. Good shows never have a chance. It was really speaking to me last night. We take pride in being different but we all want to be "in" eventually, and I have never been in. Watching from the outside, yes. Well, suppose it's meant to be this way then.
-Kassen