(no subject)
Wednesday I went to the gynecologist for a routine exam. They took my blood pressure and it was 184/124, so high that the doctor wanted me to lay down and go to the emergency room. I had to call Correl to pick me up since they didn't want me to drive and after waiting for an hour it had lowered enough that she just wanted me to go to an EMO. I was able to get a doctor's appointment pretty quickly so I went to a normal doctor instead and she was concerned and wanted me to get an EKG and then told me to get a Cardio Echo. They took a ton of blood work and now I am waiting to hear if it's anything more than bad genetics. Both my parents have high blood pressure and that is probably it, my parents pretty much screwed me with all of these genetic problems... I have so many health problems and it scares me. I am 26 and already have these health problems. My grandmother died in her 60s and I am just scared of dying. I know I am only 26, but death scares me terribly. I guess what scares me the most is I don't believe in an after life. I'd like to, but I don't. I don't believe we go to heaven, I don't believe we get reincarnated, no I think we just... seize to exist and that scares me a lot. I don't want to be... nothing... just a body in a coffin without any consciousness. I wish I could believe in heaven and I wish there was some sort of evidence that there was. Sometimes part of me wants to believe in Jesus and so on, just so I have some sort of assurance that when I die, I will go somewhere.