(no subject)
Andrea: what is this kid doing with the pluperfect? leave 'had' alone!
found on a scrap of paper: If you don't milk them they're just going to be grumpy and uncomfortable.
Sue, watching TV: it's never good when there's something in the bag. it's always fingers.
Sue: WHAT are muggins?
Jess: Non-magical people.
Scott: The current theory on the cause of the Big Bang is that nothingness is inherently unstable.
Andrew: There was nothin', and it was freakin' out!
Dale: Yeah, I grew up Mennonite, and she [his wife] was Catholic.
Scott: That's like a reality show!
Prof: I'm way off my notes right now.
Prof 2: Lord help you.
Michael: Don't steam up the windows!
Ashley: Andrea and I will make out in the back seat.
Michael: But YOU're in the front!
Andrea: We're very limber.
Ashley: *picks up toy animal* I thought, "Why does this lion have ANTLERS??"
Jeremy: …That's a moose.
Andrea, quoting "Frozen": "I *love* crazy!" Yeah, THAT's not a good sign.
Wedding reception crossword: Sally lost these just before they started dating.
Michael: Her marbles.
Ricky: Her dignity.
*drawing things tied to the "Just Married" car*
Ashley: *draws a boot*
Ricky: *draws a cat*
Ashley: …Is that a CAT??
Ricky: Yes!
Me: That's not gonna end well.
Ricky: Could be worse. It could be Hector.
*The wedding cake is drooping slightly on one side*
Chris: It's the Leaning Tower of Marriage!
Sally (bride) in her speech at the reception: Everybody says "This is your day!" But it's really about all of you. You're our family, our friends, our community. Without you… we'd probably just elope. It's your fault.
tumblr: That first gif [in a set on the Three Hunters meeting Eomer] sounds like the setup to a joke.
Michael: An elf, a man, and a dwarf walk into the Riddermark. The dwarf says to the Horse-lord, "Why the long face?"
[What are you doing this summer?]
Eszther: I am going to stress rats, and then cure them, and then kill them at the end of the summer.
Tamara: Why do you have to kill them?!
Eszther: Because I need their brains.
Brad [facebook post]: Aggh! I am overwhelmed with moving. Would anyone like to non-judgmentally help me for an hour or so? I can give you kitchen utensils, exotic spices, books,Christmas decoration
And/or a floor lamp.
[discussion of the tv show Sleepy Hollow, and the main character Ichabod Crane]
Dad: He gets around, doesn't he? I thought all he did was carry his head under his arm.
Me: That's the Headless Horseman.
Mom: Yeah, that's not Crane.
Dad: …I thought all he did was see a guy carrying his head under his arm.
Mom: Oh dear. If I had a brain, I'd be dangerous.
Dad: Well, I'm going to be brave.
Ashley: What, you're going in my room?
Dad: I said brave, not foolish.
*cat turns on the back of the chair*
Ashley: Do you want me to rub your other ear?
Dad: Rub my other ear, feed me, get rid of those kittens, and fetch my pipe and slippers.
Ashley: I only use my desk to keep stuff on.
Aubree/Sue: Isn't that what desks are for?
Jess: Just like treadmills are for clothes.
[Ballet studio is doing a ballet of "Little Women". "Amy" and "Laurie" are dancing a pas de deux.]
Teacher: That's the wrong song…
"Jo", dourly: That's OUR song.
Kid 1, to my mom [a teacher's aide]: Are those your reading glasses?
Kid 2: Yeah, but they're her MATH glasses, too.
Mom: Well, THAT was mislabeled. It said 'Banana'. It was a cheese stick.
A mom at dance class: My son and his roommate are football players-they're friends with the football players who don't drink, or go out partying a lot… This semester they decided they had to schedule time to watch all the Disney princess movies.
Little cousin: Can you date my gym teacher? I have a bad grade.
Sue: She's like, "I want a lot of kids. But I don't want to HAVE them." I was like, "That's what adoption is for!" And she's like, "But I want them to be mine."
Tommy: She just needs a bunch of surrogates.
Jess: To breed her demon spawn.
Derek, worship leader: I used to be able to manipulate Todd [pastor] with how I played when he prayed. I'd play low and he'd take it down… and then I'd get more dramatic, and he'd build… I'd just pull the strings and be like, "Dance, puppet!"
Vivian: You understand my mind.
Bea: Yeah. I can read small print.
Vivian, friend's kooky grandma, tallying up her green cards after Apples to Apples: I'm clueless and sexy.
Mom, a couple days after she got caught in the middle of changing out of her bathing suit by the fire alarm: Let's go swimming! *mimes swimming* *mimes running* Run from fire!!
Derek, singing “everything is awesome” from the Lego Movie: That’s what dogs go around singing all day! *sings* “EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!” …And cats go around singing *sings* “You are all beneath me!”
I also found some quotes from last summer's trip to Indiana!
Mom, trying to explain that the AC vent will no longer be blowing in Chris’s face b/c he’s lying down sleeping: It’s okay, he’s not back there anymore.
[Ashley looks in the rearview mirror at Chris, lying down]
Mom: I mean, he’s still back there, but his face isn’t.
Mom: Okay. I need to put aside the literary criticism and just enjoy the story. It’s a good story.
Ash: You’ve just STARTED the book-how do you know it’s good?
Mom: …It’s just what I’m telling myself.
Guy from Spain visiting small town Indiana. In the ice cream shop: Where does your ice cream come from?
Waitress: …What?
(quietly, snarkily)
Mom: Brazil.
Me: Cows…?
Mom: The machine.
Me: [posh accent] Ohhh, we milk our own cow. He’s in the back.
Me: This coat has big shoulders.
Chris: Maybe it was made in Chicago.
found on a scrap of paper: If you don't milk them they're just going to be grumpy and uncomfortable.
Sue, watching TV: it's never good when there's something in the bag. it's always fingers.
Sue: WHAT are muggins?
Jess: Non-magical people.
Scott: The current theory on the cause of the Big Bang is that nothingness is inherently unstable.
Andrew: There was nothin', and it was freakin' out!
Dale: Yeah, I grew up Mennonite, and she [his wife] was Catholic.
Scott: That's like a reality show!
Prof: I'm way off my notes right now.
Prof 2: Lord help you.
Michael: Don't steam up the windows!
Ashley: Andrea and I will make out in the back seat.
Michael: But YOU're in the front!
Andrea: We're very limber.
Ashley: *picks up toy animal* I thought, "Why does this lion have ANTLERS??"
Jeremy: …That's a moose.
Andrea, quoting "Frozen": "I *love* crazy!" Yeah, THAT's not a good sign.
Wedding reception crossword: Sally lost these just before they started dating.
Michael: Her marbles.
Ricky: Her dignity.
*drawing things tied to the "Just Married" car*
Ashley: *draws a boot*
Ricky: *draws a cat*
Ashley: …Is that a CAT??
Ricky: Yes!
Me: That's not gonna end well.
Ricky: Could be worse. It could be Hector.
*The wedding cake is drooping slightly on one side*
Chris: It's the Leaning Tower of Marriage!
Sally (bride) in her speech at the reception: Everybody says "This is your day!" But it's really about all of you. You're our family, our friends, our community. Without you… we'd probably just elope. It's your fault.
tumblr: That first gif [in a set on the Three Hunters meeting Eomer] sounds like the setup to a joke.
Michael: An elf, a man, and a dwarf walk into the Riddermark. The dwarf says to the Horse-lord, "Why the long face?"
[What are you doing this summer?]
Eszther: I am going to stress rats, and then cure them, and then kill them at the end of the summer.
Tamara: Why do you have to kill them?!
Eszther: Because I need their brains.
Brad [facebook post]: Aggh! I am overwhelmed with moving. Would anyone like to non-judgmentally help me for an hour or so? I can give you kitchen utensils, exotic spices, books,Christmas decoration
And/or a floor lamp.
[discussion of the tv show Sleepy Hollow, and the main character Ichabod Crane]
Dad: He gets around, doesn't he? I thought all he did was carry his head under his arm.
Me: That's the Headless Horseman.
Mom: Yeah, that's not Crane.
Dad: …I thought all he did was see a guy carrying his head under his arm.
Mom: Oh dear. If I had a brain, I'd be dangerous.
Dad: Well, I'm going to be brave.
Ashley: What, you're going in my room?
Dad: I said brave, not foolish.
*cat turns on the back of the chair*
Ashley: Do you want me to rub your other ear?
Dad: Rub my other ear, feed me, get rid of those kittens, and fetch my pipe and slippers.
Ashley: I only use my desk to keep stuff on.
Aubree/Sue: Isn't that what desks are for?
Jess: Just like treadmills are for clothes.
[Ballet studio is doing a ballet of "Little Women". "Amy" and "Laurie" are dancing a pas de deux.]
Teacher: That's the wrong song…
"Jo", dourly: That's OUR song.
Kid 1, to my mom [a teacher's aide]: Are those your reading glasses?
Kid 2: Yeah, but they're her MATH glasses, too.
Mom: Well, THAT was mislabeled. It said 'Banana'. It was a cheese stick.
A mom at dance class: My son and his roommate are football players-they're friends with the football players who don't drink, or go out partying a lot… This semester they decided they had to schedule time to watch all the Disney princess movies.
Little cousin: Can you date my gym teacher? I have a bad grade.
Sue: She's like, "I want a lot of kids. But I don't want to HAVE them." I was like, "That's what adoption is for!" And she's like, "But I want them to be mine."
Tommy: She just needs a bunch of surrogates.
Jess: To breed her demon spawn.
Derek, worship leader: I used to be able to manipulate Todd [pastor] with how I played when he prayed. I'd play low and he'd take it down… and then I'd get more dramatic, and he'd build… I'd just pull the strings and be like, "Dance, puppet!"
Vivian: You understand my mind.
Bea: Yeah. I can read small print.
Vivian, friend's kooky grandma, tallying up her green cards after Apples to Apples: I'm clueless and sexy.
Mom, a couple days after she got caught in the middle of changing out of her bathing suit by the fire alarm: Let's go swimming! *mimes swimming* *mimes running* Run from fire!!
Derek, singing “everything is awesome” from the Lego Movie: That’s what dogs go around singing all day! *sings* “EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!!” …And cats go around singing *sings* “You are all beneath me!”
I also found some quotes from last summer's trip to Indiana!
Mom, trying to explain that the AC vent will no longer be blowing in Chris’s face b/c he’s lying down sleeping: It’s okay, he’s not back there anymore.
[Ashley looks in the rearview mirror at Chris, lying down]
Mom: I mean, he’s still back there, but his face isn’t.
Mom: Okay. I need to put aside the literary criticism and just enjoy the story. It’s a good story.
Ash: You’ve just STARTED the book-how do you know it’s good?
Mom: …It’s just what I’m telling myself.
Guy from Spain visiting small town Indiana. In the ice cream shop: Where does your ice cream come from?
Waitress: …What?
(quietly, snarkily)
Mom: Brazil.
Me: Cows…?
Mom: The machine.
Me: [posh accent] Ohhh, we milk our own cow. He’s in the back.
Me: This coat has big shoulders.
Chris: Maybe it was made in Chicago.